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Clips from Weeds - Mother Thinks the Birds Are After Her (S04E04)

"Whichever one hasn't burned down."
Weeds
"Very good point. You could be homeless for all we know."
Weeds
"Thank goodness you have a place to sleep for the night."
Weeds
"- What do you mean? - I'm gonna keep you for a while."
Weeds
"Check out your story."
Weeds
"I'll have someone bring you a pop and a sweater."
Weeds
"- Diet Coke. - No, princess."
Weeds
"Diet Shasta, in a can, room temperature, no straw."
Weeds
"Say thank you."
Weeds
"- Fuck you. I haven't done anything. - We'll see."
Weeds
"I want a lawyer."
Weeds
"Are you looking? I'm about to do the spinny-spin."
Weeds
"Yeah, I'm looking. One second."
Weeds
"Wait, that wasn't it. Hold on. It's gonna be really good."
Weeds
"What the hell happened to you? I've been sitting here, calling."
Weeds
"Sorry about that. My phone battery conked out around Oceanside."
Weeds
"Mine was on mute."
Weeds
"My phone was fine, but I've been ignoring your calls."
Weeds
"I'm mad at you for burning our house down without thinking..."
Weeds
"...maybe some of us would've liked to go back and get a few more things out."
Weeds
"Stuff, Shane. All replaceable."
Weeds
"We've got the computer. We've got the photo album."
Weeds
"- You got the photo album? - Yes, of course I did. Think I forgot?"
Weeds
"Well, did you get that box of loose pictures from the garage?"
Weeds
"I did. It's in the back of the van."
Weeds
"Well, then..."
Weeds
"...good."
Weeds
"I'll answer your call next time."
Weeds
"This house looks cool."
Weeds
"Well, good."
Weeds
"There's an amazing German deli in Carlsbad."
Weeds
"I brought you zwiebelbraten with spaetzle."
Weeds
"You might wanna heat it up."
Weeds
"- You're an asshole. - Fine, I'll eat it."
Weeds
"So no one's home?"
Weeds
"I wouldn't say that. Some giant killer dog is home. I rang the bell."
Weeds
"It barked like it was gonna lunge through a window and bite my head off."
Weeds
"- Bubbie hates dogs. - I think she's gotten over it."
Weeds
"- Where are we gonna sleep? - Maybe she's taking a walk."
Weeds
"Bubbie was always a big walker."
Weeds
"Why would you go walking without your dog?"
Weeds
"- I'm telling you, she hates dogs. - She doesn't really have a dog."
Weeds
"That's Rad."
Weeds
"That's his name. Rad."
Weeds
"He's 10, and he's read the whole Narnia series."
Weeds
"And now he's moved on to His Dark Materials..."
Weeds
"...and he likes it so far."
Weeds
"His parents are divorced and he wants to be an inventor and a robot builder."
Weeds
"Favorite color is green. Favorite animal is the Komodo dragon..."
Weeds
"...which can eat up to 80 percent of its weight. He thinks dodge ball is gay."
Weeds
"That's how long I've been sitting here waiting for you guys."
Weeds
"- And Bubbie definitely has a dog. - No, it's the doorbell."
Weeds
"- Her doorbell barks? - Yeah."
Weeds
"Check it out."
Weeds
"- See? I do it all the time. - I'll bet she loves that."
Weeds
"- You couldn't have told me earlier? - You didn't ask."
Weeds
"She's probably in there. She never comes out."
Weeds
"My mom won't let me trick-or-treat here on Halloween."
Weeds
"I know how to get in."
Weeds
"Used to do it all the time when we were kids."
Weeds
"- How? - None of your business."
Weeds
"If Shane's too heavy to heave up to the pergola, you might find out. Let's do it."
Weeds
"Wow, the ocean's like a block away."
Weeds
"It's nice, isn't it?"
Weeds
"Think it could be good."
Weeds
"Whenever I swim in the ocean, I get a really sick rash."
Weeds
"- Good to know. - I'll buy you a wet suit."
Weeds
"All right, he's in."
Weeds
"We can't stay here."
Weeds
"Attention, evacuees. More blankets...."
Weeds
"Check it out. It's snowing in SoCal."
Weeds
"Except they're warm snowflakes."
Weeds
"Tastes like loss."
Weeds
"And muffins."
Weeds
"- Mine tastes like a vinyl sofa. - When FEMA gives us hotel vouchers..."
Weeds
"...do you wanna combine them and get, like, a ginormous suite?"
Weeds
"- A sweet suite? A dude suite? - A dude suite with Isabelle."
Weeds
"Okay, well, she's almost a dude."
Weeds
"I'm not ready to make that judgment until she's past puberty."
Weeds
"Well, either way, she's cool. She can hang with us."
Weeds
"- Hey, do you still poop yourself? - You don't have to worry about it."
Weeds
"So you do poop yourself?"
Weeds
"I can get onto a toilet and evacuate my bowels."
Weeds
"Okay, you used to poop yourself, but now you don't. Okay, then."
Weeds
"Doug Wilson, I'm Agent Shlatter with the DEA."
Weeds
"He's a cripple with a doctor's note. I'm just keeping him company."
Weeds
"Maybe she's just taking a nap."
Weeds
"Hey, Bubbie? It's me, Andy."
Weeds
"You sleeping? If you're sleeping, I'm gonna go through your purse, Bubbie."
Weeds
"I'm gonna look at your driver's license, find out your real age."
Weeds
"I'm also gonna take all your $5 bills."
Weeds
"She's not sleeping. She's somewhere far, far away."
Weeds
"- This is totally creepy. - Jesus, time is cruel."
Weeds
"- We should start taking fish oil. - And green tea."
Weeds
"Yeah, because that'll totally reverse the effects of 90-plus years of life."
Weeds
"Get real. It's all downhill from 30 on."
Weeds
"- Shut up. - Be quiet."
Weeds
"- What did they say? - That the nurse was fired a month ago."
Weeds
"Said a family member called and said he was taking over her care."
Weeds
"Oh, shit, family member? No, no, no. Forget this. I'm leaving."
Weeds
"Oh, no, wait. We don't know for sure. Don't you have cousins?"
Weeds
"Isn't he on a riverboat somewhere?"
Weeds
"He probably sunk it. It's him. I know it's him."
Weeds
"Look. Look around."
Weeds
"Paintings missing from the wall."
Weeds
"All right, here we go. Tchotchkes missing."
Weeds
"Bubbie's watching the World Poker Tour?"
Weeds
"Look."
Weeds
"- He's here. - Who's here?"
Weeds
"Who the fuck is here? I've got a vicious dog."
Weeds
"He'll bite your thieving balls off. You better start running."
Weeds
"Oh, Christ."
Weeds
"Hey, Dad, you can call off the doorbell."
Weeds
"It's your family."
Weeds
"Hello, Len."
Weeds
"Why do I smell gasoline?"
Weeds
"How stoned are you two?"
Weeds
"- I'm -- - We're baked out of our skulls."
Weeds
"- But you, you shouldn't do drugs. - You've convinced me."
Weeds
"Don't touch me. Don't touch me."
Weeds
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