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Clips from Broad City - Pu$$y Weed (S01E01)

"'cause none of this is necessary or helpful."
Broad City
"Oh, come on, Killian Casey, C.P.A., I didn't know!"
Broad City
"Oh, I didn't know, Killian."
Broad City
"My final question-- do you have any dependents?"
Broad City
"Uh, I have a lot of independence, but, um--"
Broad City
"I guess I have people who depend on me, too."
Broad City
"So, no? Correct."
Broad City
"I think I almost got this."
Broad City
"Got what?"
Broad City
"I think it's, like, some sort of rocket ship or something."
Broad City
"It's my family."
Broad City
"This magic eye is your family?"
Broad City
"It's a regular photograph."
Broad City
"I don't know, man. I don't care if you believe me or not."
Broad City
"Your refund comes to $52."
Broad City
"Cha-chang, cha-chang!"
Broad City
"(Killian) It's combined State and Federal."
Broad City
"My fee is $125 for the day. What?"
Broad City
"I'm giving you more than I'm getting back?"
Broad City
"That's illegal. It's not illegal."
Broad City
"You're paying me to do your taxes for you."
Broad City
"Yeah, but I'm not gonna go negative"
Broad City
"for my taxes to get done."
Broad City
"I shouldn't have done them in the first place."
Broad City
"You know what? I think we're done here."
Broad City
"Why don't you take your garbage..."
Broad City
"and mail it out yourself."
Broad City
"You're not gonna mail it?"
Broad City
"I thought this was a one-stop shop."
Broad City
"I came here for the stamps."
Broad City
"I see it, it's your family."
Broad City
"Get outta here. I got it."
Broad City
"Get outta here!"
Broad City
"Who yells?"
Broad City
"Go! Go!"
Broad City
"My purse! Go!"
Broad City
"Get out! Get outta here!"
Broad City
"Give me that!"
Broad City
"(screaming)"
Broad City
"I'd have sex with that dude."
Broad City
"Would you have sex with that dude?"
Broad City
"No, but I'd see him naked, you know?"
Broad City
"Now, this dude, I would let in!"
Broad City
"He loves his mom."
Broad City
"See, that guy-- trim beard,"
Broad City
"he's very ambitious, he's reading."
Broad City
"I would do it."
Broad City
"What about him? He's pretty hot."
Broad City
"He's got huge balls."
Broad City
"Are you asking me if I'd make love with that dog?"
Broad City
"I obviously mean if you were a dog."
Broad City
"Oh."
Broad City
"He's very muscular, really handsome."
Broad City
"I don't know."
Broad City
"I think I would need to know, like, what kinda dog I was"
Broad City
"to be able to really answer that question."
Broad City
"Like, you can't just throw around answers."
Broad City
"You like hurt my head you're so smart, Ab."
Broad City
"What kinda dog would you be?"
Broad City
"A slim pug."
Broad City
"Yeah. You knew that immediately."
Broad City
"Yeah, I thought about it before."
Broad City
"I would be a three-legged mutt, because I'd be like a highly"
Broad City
"respected minority, and I'd be all the dogs' fetishes."
Broad City
"That-- Ilana, that is like a special choice."
Broad City
"Like, actually like a very selfish choice."
Broad City
"'Cause everybody's like ..."
Broad City
"It's 4:00! We gotta go."
Broad City
"Dude, we have an appointment?"
Broad City
"We need to get to the dentist."
Broad City
"I like how you call Lincoln the dentist."
Broad City
"He is the dentist."
Broad City
"♪"
Broad City
"Blam, blam, blam, blam, blam!"
Broad City
"Blam, blam, blam, blam!"
Broad City
"You know what it is, break yourself!"
Broad City
"Oh my God!"
Broad City
"Yes, let's turn up the nitrous."
Broad City
"I know you like that."
Broad City
"My God, it's good."
Broad City
"Oh, yeah."
Broad City
"You know, Ilana, we've been hangin' for a while, and the"
Broad City
"arrangement we have now is cool--"
Broad City
"the ol' sex buddies thing?"
Broad City
"I love it, it's dope, 'cause I get to bone a lot."
Broad City
"Yeah."
Broad City
"But, you ever thought what it would be like to be in a--"
Broad City
"a real relationship-- boyfriend-girlfriend?"
Broad City
"It could be great."
Broad City
"Oh, yeah, Lincoln, I do."
Broad City
"I do wanna date you seriously,"
Broad City
"and I'm gonna stop gettin'"
Broad City
"(bleep) out by random dudes."
Broad City
"I want stability, I wanna hang out with a guy"
Broad City
"that has a six-figure income and a good job."
Broad City
"Suck his D all the time."
Broad City
"I know, I got it."
Broad City
"♪"
Broad City
"♪ You know I hate to see you leavin'... ♪"
Broad City
"How many do you have?"
Broad City
"Oh, know, this is, um-- I got this silver--"
Broad City
"like it was just part of the toys."
Broad City
"No, children, how many children do you have?"
Broad City
"Hello?"
Broad City
"(boy) Mom, I never seen somebody do that before."
Broad City
"I'm not a mom!"
Broad City
"You ever seen someone that's tired?"
Broad City
"I don't sit there and say, I bet you're a mom"
Broad City
"'cause you have a kid."
Broad City
"I'm not a mom, I'm a grown-ass woman!"
Broad City
"I deserve respect, I know what I want..."
Broad City
"(smoke alarm beeping)"
Broad City
"No, no, no, no! Oh! Damn it!"
Broad City
"No, no, no!"
Broad City
"No, no!"
Broad City
"(screaming)"
Broad City
"Ilana, I am like, I'm so sorry."
Broad City
"Like, this is insane."
Broad City
"I would-- this is not somethin' I would do."
Broad City
"Like, I would not do this."
Broad City
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