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Clips from 10-Year-Old-Tom - The Bassoon Incident/Ice Cream Money (S01E01)

"Best day of my life. Thanks, Ma."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm proud of you, buddy!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Thank you. Thank you, everyone."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Whoa, whoa, whoa! Whoa, whoa."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Whoa, whoa. Stop clapping."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"And put him down."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Does no one else find it suspicious that this kid"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"with this body just hit a home run?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I want him tested for performance-enhancing drugs,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"right now. - What?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wait, what? both: Drugs?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Are you out of your mind? My Tom's a great kid."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, if he's such a great kid,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"let's see him whip out his dong and give us a urine sample."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Can you say dong at a little league game?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I wasn't aware you can say that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [clears throat] - [coughs]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Come on, Tom, whip it out."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You know what?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I don't think this is going to go away."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I, uh, I've got a confession to make."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I did drugs. I'm all jacked up on 'roids."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I knew it! - Tom, no!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That's why I look so freakishly muscular."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Um, those weren't drugs, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Where did you come from?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- They were mint flavored Mentos."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, those are my favorite. - Yes, they're delicious."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"They're not quite candy, and they're not quite mints."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, if they weren't drugs,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"why would I shove them up my butt every six hours?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I don't know who told you that, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"All I know is,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I saw a child who was struggling"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and needed a confidence boost. So..."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What's happening?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I let him believe the drugs were real,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but it was really you all along."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You had the power inside you."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"all: Aw."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Aww? Don't say "aww"."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"This maniac staged a fake drug deal!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah, but Tom, his heart was in the right place."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What a great guy. - Seriously, what a hero!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Free drinks for the bus driver on me!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Let's do it! Woot woot!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"crowd: Yeah!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You're carrying him away?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm tearing up right now."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- That feels like a bit much."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- This was a terrible season opener for the Nelsons."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Man, this is a bad investment."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[rock music]"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"♪ ♪"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [sighs] I'm not complaining, Tom,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"but you clearly said, "Come over."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm having a pool party.""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I mean, pool, hose. Same thing, Right?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- There's no such thing as a hose party."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I've never heard of a hose party."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- It's not a great turnout. I mean, I'll admit that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Look, man, I might take off. It's hard to picture"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"this party taking a turn for the better."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Take off? Oh, no, please, no, please."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"[jolly music] - [gasps] What is that?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Do you hear that?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Uh-oh. - Ice cream man!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- All right, here we go. I don't have money."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Can I borrow? - Sorry, Tom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"With all due respect, man,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I just don't think you're good for it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- You don't think I'm good for the money?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Yeah. - Dakota?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- No, my mom would never let me, she'd flip."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Please, she's wealthy. She won't miss it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Tom, she doesn't like you and your quote "ilk,""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"and you know that."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- She doesn't like me and my ilk?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- She thinks I'm at ballet right now."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- All right, you know what? I'll hit up my mom."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'll meet you there. Tell the guy to wait."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I make no promises!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Let's go! Let's go, baby!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Mom, real quick, I need $1.25 for the ice cream man."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Don't ask any questions. Just give me the purse."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Go, go, go!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What is this? A bank robbery in the old west?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
""Give me the purse?""
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Mom, please, this is an emergency."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Well, I'm sorry, but we can't afford it."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- We can't afford $1.25? Everybody can."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Except for us. I gotta tell you something."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Come here and sit on Mommy's lap."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Sit on Mommy's lap? - Yeah."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I knew this wasn't gonna be easy."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"It's never easy."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Ice cream man. My favorite person!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'll take a fudgsicle."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh, oh! Me, too."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"Fudgy fudgy fudgy! - No, me first, me first!"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Whoa, whoa. Right out of the gate,"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I need you guys to take the energy down, like, 90%."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Why?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- All day long with the kids and the excitement."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"I'm ready to blow my brains out in here."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What? Why are you so grouchy?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"You've got the dream job. - Here's the thing, Rambo."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Rambo? - What?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Life is a lot like ice cream."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"It starts out sweet, but then it gets sticky."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Oh."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [sighs] And then you die."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Wow. - This is the worst"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"ice cream man banter I've ever heard."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- What did you guys want?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- I'm not even in the mood for this anymore."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Was it a fudgsicle? And what did you want?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- [sighs] Okay."
10-Year-Old-Tom
"- Is the lap necessary?"
10-Year-Old-Tom
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