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Clips from Mr. Mayor - Sister Cities (S02E02)

"Uh, dating your coworkers is a terrible idea."
Mr. Mayor
"Wrong."
Mr. Mayor
"This life of ours doesn't leave a lot of room for love,"
Mr. Mayor
"so you got to get your jollies"
Mr. Mayor
"whenever the Jolly Rancher rolls through town."
Mr. Mayor
"And when I was your age,"
Mr. Mayor
"there was a young man I worked with."
Mr. Mayor
"Name was Yitzhak Schimmel,"
Mr. Mayor
"Councilman Yitzhak Schimmel."
Mr. Mayor
"Damn, Arpi."
Mr. Mayor
"You say his name the way I say Regé-Jean Page."
Mr. Mayor
"He was a whole snack, that one."
Mr. Mayor
"Chest hairs sprouting like onion grass,"
Mr. Mayor
"payos blowing in the wind."
Mr. Mayor
"We had a real connection."
Mr. Mayor
"How come I've never heard you talk about him?"
Mr. Mayor
"Because nothing happened."
Mr. Mayor
"I figured I wasn't his type."
Mr. Mayor
"Then he ended up marrying David Spade's stunt woman,"
Mr. Mayor
"so that's how wrong I was."
Mr. Mayor
"I don't want that for you."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, I don't want any of that for me."
Mr. Mayor
"So take your shot."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"I mean, I haven't had to make the first move with anyone"
Mr. Mayor
"since my aesthetician separated my eyebrows,"
Mr. Mayor
"but I can do this, right?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm not used to playing the BFF role,"
Mr. Mayor
"so I looked up some girl power quotes online."
Mr. Mayor
""Being in the Spice Girls was an insane experience.""
Mr. Mayor
"Melanie Chisholm. - Yeah, it was."
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, I got this."
Mr. Mayor
"But remember, per human resources,"
Mr. Mayor
"you only get to ask once, so don't blow it."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, yeah, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"If he wants to be your lover,"
Mr. Mayor
"he's got to get with your friends."
Mr. Mayor
"That's a good one, Arpi."
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Oh, picking up mayors, rhyming with "mayors" ♪"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ Some horses are mares"
Mr. Mayor
"♪ What else rhymes with "mayors" ♪"
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, no, son."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm coming, mayors!"
Mr. Mayor
"Okay, that's lunch."
Mr. Mayor
"Catering is in that old house on Irving."
Mr. Mayor
"Where is the farthest bathroom?"
Mr. Mayor
"Raj, as far as I'm concerned,"
Mr. Mayor
"you don't exist till after lunch."
Mr. Mayor
"All right, is there lunch is at?"
Mr. Mayor
"It most certainly is, your excellency."
Mr. Mayor
"Right this way. - Oh."
Mr. Mayor
"♪"
Mr. Mayor
"Welcome. What an honor this is."
Mr. Mayor
"Please come in, come in."
Mr. Mayor
"Where is your farthest bathroom?"
Mr. Mayor
"Far--up the stairs, last door on the left."
Mr. Mayor
"Yeah. [chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
""Yes-ass.""
Mr. Mayor
"[chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, okay."
Mr. Mayor
"Thank you for coming straight here. I hope you're not too tired."
Mr. Mayor
"No, I took some of my stepson's ADHD medication,"
Mr. Mayor
"so I am flying. [chuckles]"
Mr. Mayor
"Ooh."
Mr. Mayor
"Some of these guys do not match"
Mr. Mayor
"the pictures you printed out."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, profile pics never match reality, sir."
Mr. Mayor
"Mine, very misleading."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, time to make some deals."
Mr. Mayor
"Watch and learn, Tommy."
Mr. Mayor
"This'll be like watching Michael Jordan"
Mr. Mayor
"jump up and throw the ball"
Mr. Mayor
"and it goes through a ring and then--"
Mr. Mayor
"Stay in your lane, buddy. [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"The cryptocurrency I'm really into is called Batmancoin."
Mr. Mayor
"And if you're looking to buy some,"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm looking to sell all of mine."
Mr. Mayor
"Well, it sounds wonderful."
Mr. Mayor
"Boy, I don't know how you do your day job"
Mr. Mayor
"and take care of all these birds."
Mr. Mayor
"- They have machine feeders. - Oh, look at that."
Mr. Mayor
"I always change my shoes at lunch for energy."
Mr. Mayor
"If all your shoes are brown, you won't affect continuity."
Mr. Mayor
"What a beautiful proverb."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, here we go."
Mr. Mayor
"What's up? Working for the weekend?"
Mr. Mayor
"I am actually doing that Buzzfeed quiz you sent me,"
Mr. Mayor
"and the Buzzfeed quiz I'm most like is"
Mr. Mayor
"the one where you find out"
Mr. Mayor
"which Buzzfeed quiz you're most like."
Mr. Mayor
"Wow, I'm caught in a vortex."
Mr. Mayor
"Totally. Anyways, uh..."
Mr. Mayor
"[with mobster voice] I's only got one chance"
Mr. Mayor
"to make this count,"
Mr. Mayor
"so listen good to what I'm telling ya, capisce?"
Mr. Mayor
"[normally] Guys like "The Sopranos," whatever."
Mr. Mayor
"Hold on, you have something..."
Mr. Mayor
"Is that a Breathe Right strip? - Oh."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, okay, we're gonna have to cut that out."
Mr. Mayor
"No, I can get it later."
Mr. Mayor
"Um, but weekend, what are you doing during it?"
Mr. Mayor
"I was gonna go see my friend's play,"
Mr. Mayor
"but then I realized I would rather"
Mr. Mayor
"lose that person as a friend. - [laughs]"
Mr. Mayor
"[phone buzzing] Oh, sorry."
Mr. Mayor
"It's just, I'm also free Saturday for once,"
Mr. Mayor
"so I thought maybe you... [phone buzzing]"
Mr. Mayor
"And I could, um..."
Mr. Mayor
"This better be an emergency. - It is."
Mr. Mayor
"There's been a murder, because I'm killing it."
Mr. Mayor
"Now, that's what I call job security."
Mr. Mayor
"Oh, my God, Tommy, I don't care."
Mr. Mayor
"Neil said that the city was lucky to have me,"
Mr. Mayor
"and I just want to assure you that I don't want your job."
Mr. Mayor
"Uh, yeah, I'm not worried about that."
Mr. Mayor
"Why are you never threatened by me?"
Mr. Mayor
"I'm smart and I'm ambitious and I am working on my posture."
Mr. Mayor
"I got to handle this. Someone at DWP clicked"
Mr. Mayor
"a bad link, and now there's sewage"
Mr. Mayor
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