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Clips from MacGruber - The Hungry Lion (S01E01)

"- Nice."
MacGruber
"He's gone, Piper."
MacGruber
"He's really gone."
MacGruber
"- Mm."
MacGruber
"- And he's never, ever coming back."
MacGruber
"- Hey, remember what he always used to say."
MacGruber
""Never ever say never ever.""
MacGruber
"- He taught us so much."
MacGruber
"He was the smartest man that ever lived."
MacGruber
"- Uh, yeah."
MacGruber
"- I bet he's in heaven right now"
MacGruber
"fighting for justice with Gandhi and Lady Di."
MacGruber
"- I bet he is."
MacGruber
"- You know, like, if some bad guys got in,"
MacGruber
"like, they snuck in on, like, a technicality"
MacGruber
"and they shouldn't have... - Right."
MacGruber
"- I bet he's punching them in the face right now..."
MacGruber
"- Sure. - Kicking them in the friggin'"
MacGruber
"butts and ribs and pulling out their eyes."
MacGruber
"[gentle music]"
MacGruber
"He always wanted to pull out someone's eyes."
MacGruber
"But he didn't get to."
MacGruber
"I'm sorry."
MacGruber
"I don't mean to make this all about me."
MacGruber
"I know you're hurting too."
MacGruber
"- Yeah."
MacGruber
"- What do you think he'd be doing to the bad guys up there?"
MacGruber
"- All the stuff that you said."
MacGruber
"- That's so true."
MacGruber
"Thanks, Piper."
MacGruber
"- Look, you're gonna get through this."
MacGruber
"I know it's hard, but just try to remember,"
MacGruber
"he's in a better place."
MacGruber
"- He's in a better place."
MacGruber
"Okay."
MacGruber
"[exhales] He's in a better place."
MacGruber
"[tense music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- * MacGruber, where are ya? *"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"-Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[whispering indistinctly]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- * Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any wool? *"
MacGruber
"* Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full *"
MacGruber
"- Gotcha!"
MacGruber
"Those stairs are a dead end, MacGruber."
MacGruber
"You're fucked now."
MacGruber
"Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"[fire whooshing]"
MacGruber
"- Fuck, fuck."
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"MacGruber, I have a story for ya."
MacGruber
"Long ago there was a king"
MacGruber
"with a very interesting way of dealing with criminals."
MacGruber
"He'd give them a choice between two doors."
MacGruber
"Behind one door was a hungry lion"
MacGruber
"who'd immediately tear the criminal to pieces."
MacGruber
"Behind the other door was a pot of gold."
MacGruber
"The criminal just had to make the right choice."
MacGruber
"- What's the play? What's the fucking play?"
MacGruber
"- What choice are you going to make, MacGruber?"
MacGruber
"Well, unfortunately for you,"
MacGruber
"in my version of the story,"
MacGruber
"there's a lion behind both doors."
MacGruber
"And guess what."
MacGruber
"It's dinnertime."
MacGruber
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"Ahh! Ahh!"
MacGruber
"- Now, that's a spicy meatball."
MacGruber
"- [gasps]"
MacGruber
"[iron rattling]"
MacGruber
"- Oh, shit."
MacGruber
"Shit, shit, shit."
MacGruber
"Ahh!"
MacGruber
"[gentle music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- [exhales]"
MacGruber
"- [panting]"
MacGruber
"[coughing]"
MacGruber
"So this is it."
MacGruber
"This is where he dies."
MacGruber
"So long, MacGruber."
MacGruber
"You were one of the good ones."
MacGruber
"At ease, soldier."
MacGruber
"We'll take it from here."
MacGruber
"[gentle music]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- [coughing]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[coughing]"
MacGruber
"[grunts]"
MacGruber
"[coughing]"
MacGruber
"Oh, thank God,"
MacGruber
"the light at the end of the tunnel."
MacGruber
"[coughing]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[panting]"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"[panting]"
MacGruber
"Oh, yes, yes, yes."
MacGruber
"There's no chance I won't make it now."
MacGruber
"[dramatic musical sting]"
MacGruber
"Ahh!"
MacGruber
"- What do you say we burn in hell together, MacGruber?"
MacGruber
"Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"- Ahh! - Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! - Ahh!"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! - No! No!"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Ah-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"- [grunting]"
MacGruber
"- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
"- Sleep well, my prince."
MacGruber
"- Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! - Goodbye, my love."
MacGruber
"Ahh!"
MacGruber
"* *"
MacGruber
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