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Clips from Cheers - One for the Book (S01E01)

"- Excuse me. - Yes, sir?"
Cheers
"Can you see if the table's ready for Phillips?"
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"Sure. Be glad to."
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"What was the name again?"
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"- Phillips. - Phillips!"
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"Lock up your daughters!"
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"The fightin' Double Deuce is on the loose!"
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"- Can l help you? - You should help me."
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"l helped you. l fought the Kaiser when your daddy was in diapers."
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"- Where's the rest of my outfit? - What you got on looks silly enough."
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"l mean the other boys from the 22nd Brigade. l'm meeting them here."
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"l hope you're not expecting a whole brigade? l'm low on lemons."
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"No, just the guys from my squad. What's left of 'em. l'm Buzz Crowder."
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"Sam, l got this one. Buzz, l'm the fella you talked to this morning."
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"l didn't recognise the uniform on the telephone."
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"Come on. Let me show you the back room. lt's in the back."
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"Sorry about that. Can l get you a drink?"
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"l don't drink. But keep plenty for the others. Lotta catching up to do."
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"We meet in this bar every ten years to reminisce."
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"What war were you in?"
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"The First World War, of course."
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"ls that the one with Clark Gable or Gary Cooper?"
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"Wow! l'm 85. What's your excuse?"
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"Baseball!"
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"- What you writing, Slats? - My thoughts."
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"That would explain all the blank pages."
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"l'm writing during the odd moments of the job, much as Jack London did."
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"Was he a bad waitress, too?"
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"Ladies, please. Enough girl talk."
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"Any sex in it?"
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"l've started writing down bits of conversation l hear in the bar."
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"Sometimes people say things that strike me as snippets of Americana."
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"You mean things said by customers, employees?"
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"- Yeah. - The owner?"
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"l'm afraid you're not represented."
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"Just my luck. She doesn't like my snippets."
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"- Afternoon, everybody. - Norm!"
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"- What you up to, Norm? - My ears."
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"- Want a beer, Norm? - Does a rag doll have cloth knobs?"
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"There's a lady present, Norm."
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"Sorry, Diane."
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"Shot of bourbon."
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"Sir? Save your quarter. That piano hasn't worked in 20 years."
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"Use the jukebox. lt doesn't work either, but it's only a dime."
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"Sammy, why keep something that doesn't work?"
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"Cos no-one else'll give her a job!"
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"Ladies!"
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"- Got something good there? - Yes."
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"A remark a customer dropped just a moment ago."
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"Yeah? A quotable remark?"
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"Well, it occurs to me that sometimes we find truth comes in a glass."
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"Or a mug."
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"Or your face."
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"Pinky!"
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"You old grunt!"
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"Sammy...? Tinkerbell here, or what?"
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"Buzz? lsn't he a bit young to be one of your guys?"
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"Of course! l'm sorry."
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"From behind you look like the young Pinky Peterson."
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"You shouldn't grab people like that."
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"lf l buy you a beer, will you forget it?"
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"Buy me a pitcher, you can kiss me on the lips!"
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"You're alright. l'll be in the back."
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"Everything alright back there?"
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"Well, that room is kinda small."
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"One grenade'll get us all!"
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"This looks like a nice saloon."
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"We aspire to saloon."
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"Can l just sit anywhere?"
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"Try the bar. lt makes good cover during the gunfights."
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"Hi. What'll you have?"
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"l'll have a carafe of your house whisky."
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"- Excuse me? - ls that a bad order?"
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"Not if you're a party of twenty."
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"- This is my first time in a bar. - No kidding."
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"Really. l was just passing and dropped in to see what it's like."
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"Does it live up to your expectations?"
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"l expected to see more lost, desperate souls sitting around."
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"Desperate souls night is Thursday."
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"All the beer you can cry into for a buck."
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"- That's very amusing. - Thank you."
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"Where's Diane?"
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"l've never had hard liquor in my life."
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"You see, it's my last day in the secular world."
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"Tomorrow, l'm going into a monastery."
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"So this is kind of your last fling?"
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"First and last."
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"l'll give you a drink. But take it easy, it sneaks up on you."
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"- l once thought of being a priest. - You're religious?"
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"No, l just thought it'd be a nice, peaceful life."
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"Allow me to dispel your misconceptions."
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"Thank you, Father."
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"Can l get you something, Buzz?"
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"Not yet, Sam. l came out to warn you about something."
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"Me and the boys have got a little joke we play on each other."
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"First man here always goes in the back room,"
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"strips down to his altogether, yeah?"
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"Then he stands on the table,"
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"and when the others walk in, he yells out,"
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"''Lafayette, we are here!''"
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"- Well, tonight it's my turn. - Thanks for the warning, Buzz."
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"Sam,... could you turn the heat up just a little bit?"
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"A monk?"
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"Does that mean you have to give up...?"
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"Well, as the French so delicately put it, the old...?"
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"l have to take a vow of chastity. l also have to take a vow of silence."
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"Yep, give up sex, you might as well give up talkin'."
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"What fun is messing around if you can't tell the guys."
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"lt's no big deal. l never had much luck with girls, anyway."
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"They don't find me attractive."
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"Kev, you're an attractive guy."
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"- Diane? - Yeah?"
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"Don't you think he's a specimen?"
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"Yes. He's a very attractive fellow."
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"Come on, l know l don't have any sex appeal."
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"l'm shy, l'm serious-minded... The search goes on for my chin."
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"Kevin, speaking as a woman,"
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"l'm glad you're going in a monastery. You could be a real heartbreaker."
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"You're not a... bambo, are you?"
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"No... A bimbo."
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