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Clips from Instant Family

"Subtitles by explosiveskull"
Instant Family
"- You bought this? - Yeah."
Instant Family
"- And it's ours now. We own this. - Mm-hmm."
Instant Family
"- I love it. - Right?"
Instant Family
"What'd I tell you? The fireplace, the built-ins here."
Instant Family
"Are you sure you want to give this to your sister?"
Instant Family
"Babe, we'd make 100K off this flip all day long."
Instant Family
"- Trying to make up... - This is it?"
Instant Family
"- Hey, yeah. Come in. - You guys made me ask off an hour early to see this dump?"
Instant Family
"- We're all smelling this, right? - Yeah, it smells like I'm breathing piss."
Instant Family
"Okay. Not a good fit. So we'll just go."
Instant Family
"- Come on. - Come on. Have a little vision."
Instant Family
"French doors to the garden."
Instant Family
"We move the stairs, take these walls down,"
Instant Family
"create an open concept through the kitchen."
Instant Family
"There's a gorgeous stained glass here in the corner. The bones are really good."
Instant Family
"When's the part we cough up 12 grand to fix the rotted-out foundation?"
Instant Family
"Clearly, it's not for them. Let's just flip this one, El."
Instant Family
"There's a park across the street."
Instant Family
"And the schools here are fantastic if you have a baby."
Instant Family
"When. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Kimmy."
Instant Family
"When. When you have a baby."
Instant Family
"We're having a baby. We are having a baby."
Instant Family
"You see that? That's called manifesting to the universe."
Instant Family
"Sometimes the universe thinks it's funny if I drop $26,000 on in vitro first."
Instant Family
"- Oh! You're a dick. - I'm kidding."
Instant Family
"If this place is so great, why don't you guys move in here?"
Instant Family
"What are they gonna do with five bedrooms and a park?"
Instant Family
"They're obviously never having kids."
Instant Family
"Look at 'em. They don't have any emotional holes to fill."
Instant Family
"Not that we are doing it to fill..."
Instant Family
"- Shut up, Russ. - All right."
Instant Family
"- What was that look? - What look?"
Instant Family
"He just said you guys were never gonna have kids. Then you did a definite look."
Instant Family
"Yeah, what was the look for? You looked back at me to include me in your look."
Instant Family
"- I didn't do a look. - Totally did a look."
Instant Family
"- It wasn't a look. - I think we just started some trouble."
Instant Family
"- There's no trouble. - Maybe even a fight."
Instant Family
"- There's no fight. There's no trouble. - Let's get out of here."
Instant Family
"Oh, my God. You guys are gonna have kids now, aren't you?"
Instant Family
"No. What? Kimmy. I don't know. What?"
Instant Family
"Of course you are, because you have to win at everything."
Instant Family
"Then you're gonna throw your perfect uterus in my face too."
Instant Family
"How do you know my uterus is perfect? We've never even tried to have kids."
Instant Family
"I don't know if I can get pregnant."
Instant Family
"Of course it is perfect. It is yours."
Instant Family
"- Kimmy. - It probably has a leather interior."
Instant Family
"Please, Kimmy. You just got here."
Instant Family
"Sorry, Petey. Have a good fight."
Instant Family
"See you later, Russ."
Instant Family
"- I didn't do a look. - You're doing a look right now."
Instant Family
"There's no look. You're doing a look."
Instant Family
"All right, maybe I did do a look."
Instant Family
"But just hearing him say it out loud: "We're never having children.""
Instant Family
"I mean, is that true?"
Instant Family
"I quit bringing it up because every time I did, you'd say it's not the right time."
Instant Family
"I know, but we were always so broke."
Instant Family
"And then we were going crazy trying to get the business started."
Instant Family
"We've flipped five houses this year, and I'm starting to turn down design work."
Instant Family
"I always thought that I'd be a mom someday."
Instant Family
"- I think I'm ready. - Great. Now you're ready."
Instant Family
"And by the time the kid's 16, I'm gonna be one of those old dads,"
Instant Family
"like Brian Hendrickson's dad."
Instant Family
"- Hey, Dad. - What's up, Son?"
Instant Family
"Hey, Mr. Hendrickson, go long!"
Instant Family
"Dad?"
Instant Family
"You killed my dad!"
Instant Family
"Hey. Hey, Dad. Wake up, wake up. Wake up!"
Instant Family
"You did not kill Mr. Hendrickson."
Instant Family
"And you're not that old."
Instant Family
"Here's an idea. What if we adopt a five-year-old?"
Instant Family
"It'd be like I got cracking when I was 36. How about that?"
Instant Family
"Keep your end straight, will you?"
Instant Family
"Look, you're overthinking it, bro. None of my kids were planned."
Instant Family
"Kid shows up, you figure it out. Easy-peasy."
Instant Family
"- How many kids you got now, Stu? - Number four's in the oven right now."
Instant Family
"- Wow. - Nothing hard about kids."
Instant Family
"As long as you spend some time with them, they're cool."
Instant Family
"Most important thing, make sure the moms all get along."
Instant Family
"Meatball. Hey! Hey, buddy!"
Instant Family
"Hey. You miss me?"
Instant Family
"Oh! That's my boy. You missed me, huh? I missed you too."
Instant Family
"Yeah. You're such a good boy."
Instant Family
"Hey, El. I got the towel samples you wanted for the kitchen."
Instant Family
"El, you okay?"
Instant Family
"Hey, what's the matter?"
Instant Family
"Nothing. I was just thinking about what you said about adopting a five-year-old."
Instant Family
"- I said that? - Yeah."
Instant Family
"- I was totally... I was joking. - I know. It's kind of crazy."
Instant Family
"But it just got me thinking. And there's so many kids in foster care."
Instant Family
"And they're moving from place to place, and they don't have anybody,"
Instant Family
"and it's like the saddest thing I've ever seen."
Instant Family
"I found this adoption agency. They're having an orientation next week."
Instant Family
"No, don't show me that. I don't want to see those little faces."
Instant Family
"You trying to break my heart? I just got home from work."
Instant Family
"Ellie, people who take in foster kids are really special."
Instant Family
"These are the kind of people who volunteer when it's not even a holiday."
Instant Family
"We don't even volunteer on a holiday."
Instant Family
"What if there was, like, a disaster?"
Instant Family
"- What, like a dirty bomb? - Whatever."
Instant Family
"And there's a little kid who ends up on our doorstep."
Instant Family
"Are we gonna turn her away because we're not special enough?"
Instant Family
"That would depend. There's a lot of factors that go into it."
Instant Family
"I mean, our food rations, the blast radius."
Instant Family
"El, you can't take some offhanded remark I made"
Instant Family
"and turn it into a crazy life decision."
Instant Family
"It was a joke."
Instant Family
"Yeah."
Instant Family
"I know. I just..."
Instant Family
"You're right. You shouldn't be pushed into something you don't want to do."
Instant Family
"It was just a nice thought."
Instant Family
"Good night."
Instant Family
"All right, I won't make any more jokes like that."
Instant Family
"All right?"
Instant Family
"You wanna watch a little Fixer Upper?"
Instant Family
"- Okay, I love you. - I love you."
Instant Family
"That's a long fill-up, my friend."
Instant Family
"Well, that's because I wanted you to come in here."
Instant Family
"We're gonna have a karate kicking contest. Me versus you, straight up."
Instant Family
"Oh, God."
Instant Family
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