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Clips from Central Park - A Fish Called Snakehead (S01E01)

Mother, please. No negativity on spicy cheese bread day. It's sacred.

"Mother, please. No negativity on spicy cheese bread day. It's sacred."

Central Park

No, I know. It's just-- It's big stuff.

"No, I know. It's just-- It's big stuff."

Central Park

The mayor hates the park. Bitsy wants to buy the park.

"The mayor hates the park. Bitsy wants to buy the park."

Central Park

And they're both coming after you.

"And they're both coming after you."

Central Park

Can we just not say all these things out loud?

"Can we just not say all these things out loud?"

Central Park

Doesn't help me pretend they're not happening,

"Doesn't help me pretend they're not happening,"

Central Park

which is how I'd like to deal with them today and for the rest of my life.

"which is how I'd like to deal with them today and for the rest of my life."

Central Park

That's it, Dad. Healthy modeling.

"That's it, Dad. Healthy modeling."

Central Park

All right, should we all try to pee at the same time?

"All right, should we all try to pee at the same time?"

Central Park

Family that brushes together flushes together.

"Family that brushes together flushes together."

Central Park

Owen?

"Owen?"

Central Park

You guys start without me. I'll jump in after I answer this.

"You guys start without me. I'll jump in after I answer this."

Central Park

Go ahead, Elwood.

"Go ahead, Elwood."

Central Park

-Did you say go ahead? -Yeah, go ahead.

"-Did you say go ahead? -Yeah, go ahead."

Central Park

-Now? -Yes.

"-Now? -Yes."

Central Park

Owen, there's been a sighting. Something up at the Meer.

"Owen, there's been a sighting. Something up at the Meer."

Central Park

-Yeah? -An aggressive... fish?

"-Yeah? -An aggressive... fish?"

Central Park

-Yeah? -That might be a-- a snakehead.

"-Yeah? -That might be a-- a snakehead."

Central Park

-What? -I said a snakehead.

"-What? -I said a snakehead."

Central Park

No, I heard you.

"No, I heard you."

Central Park

-Oh, you meant "what" like "oh, no." -Yeah. I'll-- I'll come right up there.

"-Oh, you meant "what" like "oh, no." -Yeah. I'll-- I'll come right up there."

Central Park

It's spicy and it's cheesy And it's going in my tummy--

"It's spicy and it's cheesy And it's going in my tummy--"

Central Park

-Dad? What's wrong? -You'll be right up where?

"-Dad? What's wrong? -You'll be right up where?"

Central Park

I gotta go up to the Harlem Meer right now.

"I gotta go up to the Harlem Meer right now."

Central Park

There might be a... snakehead.

"There might be a... snakehead."

Central Park

Just the head? Seems like the threat is neutralized.

"Just the head? Seems like the threat is neutralized."

Central Park

Is it a mafia thing? Or voodoo?

"Is it a mafia thing? Or voodoo?"

Central Park

No, it's a fish. They call it the "fish from hell."

"No, it's a fish. They call it the "fish from hell.""

Central Park

It's, like, the ultimate invasive species.

"It's, like, the ultimate invasive species."

Central Park

That's what your mother called me when we started dating.

"That's what your mother called me when we started dating."

Central Park

You're gonna miss spicy cheese bread?

"You're gonna miss spicy cheese bread?"

Central Park

I guess so. I have a hell-fish to catch.

"I guess so. I have a hell-fish to catch."

Central Park

You know the little baby turtles That like to play peekaboo?

"You know the little baby turtles That like to play peekaboo?"

Central Park

Well, you can kiss them goodbye If a hell-fish comes through

"Well, you can kiss them goodbye If a hell-fish comes through"

Central Park

They inflict ecosystem trauma

"They inflict ecosystem trauma"

Central Park

'Cause they're hangry like piranhas

"'Cause they're hangry like piranhas"

Central Park

And they gobble up the fauna Like a fishy Jeffrey Dahmer

"And they gobble up the fauna Like a fishy Jeffrey Dahmer"

Central Park

A snakehead would make a lake dead

"A snakehead would make a lake dead"

Central Park

And all the little lives in liquid Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish

"And all the little lives in liquid Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish"

Central Park

If they invaded

"If they invaded"

Central Park

It's the only reason I'd miss out On spicy cheese bread

"It's the only reason I'd miss out On spicy cheese bread"

Central Park

If a hell-fish finds a mate It'll lay 50,000 eggs a day

"If a hell-fish finds a mate It'll lay 50,000 eggs a day"

Central Park

And will walk from lake to lake

"And will walk from lake to lake"

Central Park

On his fins and spread fast Like the plague

"On his fins and spread fast Like the plague"

Central Park

It breathes air like a toad And it lurks in the muck

"It breathes air like a toad And it lurks in the muck"

Central Park

If the hell-fish is really there Then the pond might be f-- screwed!

"If the hell-fish is really there Then the pond might be f-- screwed!"

Central Park

A snakehead would make a lake dead

"A snakehead would make a lake dead"

Central Park

And all the little lives in liquid Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish

"And all the little lives in liquid Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish"

Central Park

If they invaded

"If they invaded"

Central Park

It's the only reason I'd miss out On spicy cheese bread

"It's the only reason I'd miss out On spicy cheese bread"

Central Park

We hire experts in ponds With pond PhDs

"We hire experts in ponds With pond PhDs"

Central Park

Who pH balance the ponds And check on the pond species

"Who pH balance the ponds And check on the pond species"

Central Park

Repair pond ecology With fancy pond degrees

"Repair pond ecology With fancy pond degrees"

Central Park

Making sure the pond turtles Are feeling super fertile

"Making sure the pond turtles Are feeling super fertile"

Central Park

But there'd be environmental catastrophe If someone put a hell-fish in the Meer

"But there'd be environmental catastrophe If someone put a hell-fish in the Meer"

Central Park

I don't think the park ponds Would persevere

"I don't think the park ponds Would persevere"

Central Park

No, no, no!

"No, no, no!"

Central Park

A snakehead would make the lake dead

"A snakehead would make the lake dead"

Central Park

-And all the little lives in liquid -What about the turtles?

"-And all the little lives in liquid -What about the turtles?"

Central Park

-What about-- What about the ducks? -Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish

"-What about-- What about the ducks? -Are jeopardized by wicked hell-fish"

Central Park

-The hell-fish is the only reason -If they invaded

"-The hell-fish is the only reason -If they invaded"

Central Park

-It's the only reason I'd miss out -I'd hate to miss out

"-It's the only reason I'd miss out -I'd hate to miss out"

Central Park

On spicy cheese bread

"On spicy cheese bread"

Central Park

Gosh darn it. I'm coming with you. I wanna see this thing.

"Gosh darn it. I'm coming with you. I wanna see this thing."

Central Park

-If it's there. -If it's there.

"-If it's there. -If it's there."

Central Park

I'm coming too. If it's there, I wanna draw it.

"I'm coming too. If it's there, I wanna draw it."

Central Park

Fista Puffs needs a new monster to fight.

"Fista Puffs needs a new monster to fight."

Central Park

I'll come too. I don't wanna be the only one who doesn't see this thing.

"I'll come too. I don't wanna be the only one who doesn't see this thing."

Central Park

You guys'll have all your hell-fish inside jokes that I won't be a part of.

"You guys'll have all your hell-fish inside jokes that I won't be a part of."

Central Park

That's not cool.

"That's not cool."

Central Park

Can't believe I'm choosing something over SCB.

"Can't believe I'm choosing something over SCB."

Central Park

-Stop spelling around me. -Sorry. Spicy cheese bread.

"-Stop spelling around me. -Sorry. Spicy cheese bread."

Central Park

So, the family is off to see about a snakehead.

"So, the family is off to see about a snakehead."

Central Park

Speaking of little things that flop around on land...

"Speaking of little things that flop around on land..."

Central Park

-What do you mean nobody likes me? -We did a poll. No one likes you.

"-What do you mean nobody likes me? -We did a poll. No one likes you."

Central Park

That's ridiculous. What was the question?

"That's ridiculous. What was the question?"

Central Park

"How do you feel about Bitsy Brandenham?"

""How do you feel about Bitsy Brandenham?""

Central Park

And?

"And?"

Central Park

And you could choose "like," "don't care" or "yuck."

"And you could choose "like," "don't care" or "yuck.""

Central Park

-Seriously? -Yeah, it's science.

"-Seriously? -Yeah, it's science."

Central Park

I'm flirty, fun and feisty.

"I'm flirty, fun and feisty."

Central Park

Helen, tell him.

"Helen, tell him."

Central Park

-What'd you say? Fussy? -Feisty.

"-What'd you say? Fussy? -Feisty."

Central Park

-Oh. There you have it. -Whatever.

"-Oh. There you have it. -Whatever."

Central Park

Who wants to be liked anyway? That's what alcohol is for.

"Who wants to be liked anyway? That's what alcohol is for."

Central Park

This is a Bloody Mayor-y. Get it? Because you're the mayor?

"This is a Bloody Mayor-y. Get it? Because you're the mayor?"

Central Park

See? You don't like a person who says that? That's delightful.

"See? You don't like a person who says that? That's delightful."

Central Park

Right, but the thing is

"Right, but the thing is"

Central Park

we can't do the whole park deal if you're the face of it

"we can't do the whole park deal if you're the face of it"

Central Park

and it turns out New York doesn't like your--

"and it turns out New York doesn't like your--"

Central Park

-Don't say it. -Face.

"-Don't say it. -Face."

Central Park

But I have an idea. I've got a likability consultant.

"But I have an idea. I've got a likability consultant."

Central Park

She's expensive but she's good, and she likes a challenge.

"She's expensive but she's good, and she likes a challenge."

Central Park

A challenge? Does no one understand that I am enchanting?

"A challenge? Does no one understand that I am enchanting?"

Central Park

You know that East Side Strangler that they just caught?

"You know that East Side Strangler that they just caught?"

Central Park

He did better than you in the poll.

"He did better than you in the poll."

Central Park

What? You asked people how they felt about a strangler?

"What? You asked people how they felt about a strangler?"

Central Park

-Yes, to get a baseline. -And I'm below it?

"-Yes, to get a baseline. -And I'm below it?"

Central Park

You're it. We made a new baseline. The strangler came out okay.

"You're it. We made a new baseline. The strangler came out okay."

Central Park

I could sell the park to the East Side Strangler today.

"I could sell the park to the East Side Strangler today."

Central Park

Fine. Call your precious consultant. But I'm likable.

"Fine. Call your precious consultant. But I'm likable."

Central Park

-Yep. Yep. -You're stupid.

"-Yep. Yep. -You're stupid."

Central Park

It was this big, and it was on the bank there.

"It was this big, and it was on the bank there."

Central Park

And then it walked back into the water like this.

"And then it walked back into the water like this."

Central Park

-Like this? -Yeah, but more like...

"-Like this? -Yeah, but more like..."

Central Park

-Like erotic? -Kind of.

"-Like erotic? -Kind of."

Central Park

Do you think the fish was trying to be erotic, or it can't help it?

"Do you think the fish was trying to be erotic, or it can't help it?"

Central Park

It just naturally is.

"It just naturally is."

Central Park

A little of both maybe.

"A little of both maybe."

Central Park

Oh, my God. He needs glasses. And he's color-blind.

"Oh, my God. He needs glasses. And he's color-blind."

Central Park

And he hit his head this morning on the towel bar.

"And he hit his head this morning on the towel bar."

Central Park

So you have to take all this with a grain of salt.

"So you have to take all this with a grain of salt."

Central Park

I had brain surgery recently too. You wanna tell them about that?

"I had brain surgery recently too. You wanna tell them about that?"

Central Park

-You believe me, right? -Show us the walk one more time.

"-You believe me, right? -Show us the walk one more time."

Central Park

It was like...

"It was like..."

Central Park

This is what I think it might look like.

"This is what I think it might look like."

Central Park

-What's it saying? -It's saying, "My mama didn't love me!"

"-What's it saying? -It's saying, "My mama didn't love me!""

Central Park

A complicated backstory.

"A complicated backstory."

Central Park

There it is! Oh.

"There it is! Oh."

Central Park

There it is! No, that's just a stick.

"There it is! No, that's just a stick."

Central Park

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