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Clips from The Great Outdoors

"Jet boat!"
The Great Outdoors
"Sorry, Dad."
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"Attaboy, Benny! All right, that's my man!"
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"Care to put it to a vote, Chester?"
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"We don't need a vote, all right? If you guys want a jet boat, you get a jet boat."
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"Buck and I are getting a pontoon boat, right, Buck?"
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"Sorry, Dad."
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"Directly from the mouths of babes, Chet."
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"Are you gonna argue, or are you gonna enjoy yourselves?"
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"Hey, I'm enjoying! Chet's arguing."
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"Hey, how about if the kids go out and catch fireflies."
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"You know, we could play cards."
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"Cara? Mara?"
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"You little dolls wanna go outside and catch fireflies?"
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"Honey, they don't like bugs."
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"What do you mean? All kids like bugs. They're cute."
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"Especially fireflies. Their butts light up."
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"I tell you, I am a killer Monopoly player."
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"Roman taught me. He's vicious."
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"Buddy Reiser died."
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"Oh, no!"
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"The president of Energy and Resources died in bed."
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"He was your mentor, wasn't he?"
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"One of the men I admired."
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"Hey, I'm trying to read here."
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"Yeah, I'm reading the Wall Street Report."
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"Sorry, I think I have to tell you this story."
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"A story that might save your lives"
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"since we're up here in the North Woods."
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"I know the Heimlich maneuver."
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"No, this is"
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"a bear story."
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"A true bear story."
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"See, Connie and I honeymooned up at this very same lake."
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"Big spender."
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"We stayed at my uncle's cabin."
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"Uncle George?"
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"Yeah, that's right."
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"One night we were getting ready for bed"
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"and we heard this terrible noise out by the trash cans."
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"You remember?"
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"And, uh, I went downstairs"
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"to check it out,"
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"looked out the window."
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"And there"
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"was the biggest, baddest bear"
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"in the North Woods."
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"Sure, Dad."
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"No, it's true. It's true."
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"This bear was over eight feet high."
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"With big, white teeth."
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"Fangs"
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"stained pink"
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"from whatever it killed before it got to our cabin."
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"It was frightening."
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"Frightening."
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"The paws on this thing were immense..."
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"Ugh."
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"...with big black claws,"
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"razor sharp"
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"like Freddy Krueger."
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"Only worse. Worse, worse."
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"This wasn't a movie. This was happening. This was now. This was right in front of me."
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"And all that separated me from that bear"
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"was a pane of glass."
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"Honey, maybe we shouldn't tell this story right now."
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"Mom, it's fine."
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"No, no. I'm thinking about nightmares."
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"No, no. They have to hear this."
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"Like I say, it might save their life one day."
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"Now I saw that bear,"
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"it saw me,"
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"and it was hungry."
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"Hungry for blood!"
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"Human blood."
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"You see, once a bear gets a taste for blood,"
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"it craves it,"
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"it needs it."
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"It will do anything it can to get it."
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"That bear had become a man-eater."
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"Our eyes locked. My heart was pumping."
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"Pump, pump, pump,"
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"pump, pump."
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"I ran into the living room."
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"I grabbed the shotgun off the mantle."
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"Turned around,"
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"and there was that bear right in the window."
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"Its breath was fogging up the glass."
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"And suddenly it let out this God-awful roar."
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"It started smashing on the walls."
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"Then the pots and pans started rattling."
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"And the walls started shimmering and the floorboards started lifting."
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"I knew then that it was either the bear or your mom and I."
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"So I raised the rifle, I took aim and I fired!"
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"You wasted her?"
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"Nah, Benny, Benny, Benny. A shotgun's not gonna kill a monster bear like that!"
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"Well, what happened?"
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"The buckshot shaved the hair clean off the top of its head."
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"It ran off. We never saw it again."
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"Oh, I hear from my uncle every now and then."
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"And he'd tell us about the bald-headed killer bear"
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"that was roaming about the area."
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"The bald-headed killer bear"
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"of Clare County."
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"Is she still around?"
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"Oh! No, no, no. That bear's gone."
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"She may be out there."
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"Crazy, bloodthirsty as ever."
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"So when you go to bed tonight,"
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"if you hear a noise,"
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"whatever you do,"
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"don't look out the window."
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"Because it might be the bear!"
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"Jesus Christ! I'm half-drunk here, Chet. What are you trying to do?"
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"Give me nightmares for a month?"
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"Come on, Roman."
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"I can't believe you, Dad. All right?"
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"Oh, Benny, Benny, honey!"
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"Gee, I'm 25 pounds overweight. I don't need a blast to the ticker like that!"
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"I felt my plaque start flowing again!"
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