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Clips from Cheers - No Contest (S01E01)

Cliff: HERE'S A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT:

"Cliff: HERE'S A LITTLE-KNOWN FACT:"

Cheers

CHEERS IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE.

"CHEERS IS FILMED BEFORE A LIVE STUDIO AUDIENCE."

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EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT TO POWDER MY NOSE

"EXCUSE ME, I'VE GOT TO POWDER MY NOSE"

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IN THE MEN'S SALON.

"IN THE MEN'S SALON."

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HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK A LITTLE LIKE TIP O'NEILL.

"HEY, YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK A LITTLE LIKE TIP O'NEILL."

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YEAH?

"YEAH?"

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A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT.

"A LOT OF PEOPLE SAY THAT."

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REALLY, I'M A BETTER-LOOKING FELLOW THAN HE IS.

"REALLY, I'M A BETTER-LOOKING FELLOW THAN HE IS."

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MY GOD, YOU ARE TIP O'NEILL.

"MY GOD, YOU ARE TIP O'NEILL."

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HOW DO YOU DO?

"HOW DO YOU DO?"

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HA HO HO HO!

"HA HO HO HO!"

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I'M SAM MALONE.

"I'M SAM MALONE."

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YOU USED TO THROW FOR THE SOX.

"YOU USED TO THROW FOR THE SOX."

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THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN CHEERS?

"THAT'S RIGHT. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN CHEERS?"

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WELL, I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET.

"WELL, I'M WALKING DOWN THE STREET."

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A LADY STOPPED ME,

"A LADY STOPPED ME,"

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STARTED TO TELL ME ABOUT HER PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE,

"STARTED TO TELL ME ABOUT HER PHILOSOPHY OF LIFE,"

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HER PHILOSOPHY OF GOVERNMENT,

"HER PHILOSOPHY OF GOVERNMENT,"

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AND SO I DUCKED IN AND THOUGHT I'D HAVE A QUICK ONE.

"AND SO I DUCKED IN AND THOUGHT I'D HAVE A QUICK ONE."

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WELL, WHAT CAN I GET YOU HERE?

"WELL, WHAT CAN I GET YOU HERE?"

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THERE YOU ARE!

"THERE YOU ARE!"

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MR. SPEAKER, FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO RELENTLESS,

"MR. SPEAKER, FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SO RELENTLESS,"

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BUT I REALLY--

"BUT I REALLY--"

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DIANE, DIANE, STEP INTO THE OFFICE.

"DIANE, DIANE, STEP INTO THE OFFICE."

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I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. WHAT IS IT, SAM?

"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. WHAT IS IT, SAM?"

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NO, SHE WON'T.

"NO, SHE WON'T."

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ONE MORE QUICK ONE, COACH,

"ONE MORE QUICK ONE, COACH,"

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THEN I REALLY GOT TO RUN.

"THEN I REALLY GOT TO RUN."

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HEY, NORM, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING LAST WEEK

"HEY, NORM, WHAT WERE YOU SAYING LAST WEEK"

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ABOUT THAT DO-NOTHING CONGRESS DOWN THERE IN D.C.?

"ABOUT THAT DO-NOTHING CONGRESS DOWN THERE IN D.C.?"

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THEY'RE A BUNCH OF CLOWNS.

"THEY'RE A BUNCH OF CLOWNS."

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YOU THINK SO, HUH?

"YOU THINK SO, HUH?"

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YOU CAN TAKE THE AVERAGE GUY OFF THE STREET

"YOU CAN TAKE THE AVERAGE GUY OFF THE STREET"

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AND HE COULD DO A BETTER JOB.

"AND HE COULD DO A BETTER JOB."

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NAH. SURE!

"NAH. SURE!"

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THIS BOZO RIGHT HERE

"THIS BOZO RIGHT HERE"

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COULD PROBABLY BE A BETTER CONGRESSMAN THAN THEM.

"COULD PROBABLY BE A BETTER CONGRESSMAN THAN THEM."

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OH, YEAH?

"OH, YEAH?"

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YOU KNOW, I MAY RUN FOR OFFICE SOMEDAY.

"YOU KNOW, I MAY RUN FOR OFFICE SOMEDAY."

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YOU DO THAT.

"YOU DO THAT."

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YOU'RE OUT OF WORK, TOO, HUH?

"YOU'RE OUT OF WORK, TOO, HUH?"

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NO, I'M THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES.

"NO, I'M THE SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES."

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DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.

"DON'T BE RIDICULOUS."

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THAT WOULD MAKE YOU TIP O'NEILL, AND ME...

"THAT WOULD MAKE YOU TIP O'NEILL, AND ME..."

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A HORSE'S BUTT.

"A HORSE'S BUTT."

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YOU SAID IT, NOT ME.

"YOU SAID IT, NOT ME."

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* MAKIN' YOUR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY *

"* MAKIN' YOUR WAY IN THE WORLD TODAY *"

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* TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *

"* TAKES EVERYTHING YOU'VE GOT *"

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* TAKIN' A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *

"* TAKIN' A BREAK FROM ALL YOUR WORRIES *"

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* SURE WOULD HELP A LOT *

"* SURE WOULD HELP A LOT *"

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* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY? *

"* WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO GET AWAY? *"

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* SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO *

"* SOMETIMES YOU WANNA GO *"

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* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME *

"* AND THEY'RE ALWAYS GLAD YOU CAME *"

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* YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE *

"* YOU WANNA BE WHERE YOU CAN SEE *"

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* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* OUR TROUBLES ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* YOU WANNA BE WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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* YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW *

"* YOU WANNA GO WHERE PEOPLE KNOW *"

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* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *

"* PEOPLE ARE ALL THE SAME *"

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* YOU WANNA GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *

"* YOU WANNA GO WHERE EVERYBODY KNOWS YOUR NAME *"

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GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY.

"GOOD AFTERNOON, EVERYBODY."

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NORM! NORM!

"NORM! NORM!"

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WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU, NORM?

"WHAT CAN I GET FOR YOU, NORM?"

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I'M GOING TO NEED SOMETHING TO KILL TIME

"I'M GOING TO NEED SOMETHING TO KILL TIME"

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BEFORE MY SECOND BEER.

"BEFORE MY SECOND BEER."

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UH... HOW ABOUT A FIRST ONE?

"UH... HOW ABOUT A FIRST ONE?"

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YOU GOT IT.

"YOU GOT IT."

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GLAD YOU CAME IN TODAY, NORM. BIG DAY.

"GLAD YOU CAME IN TODAY, NORM. BIG DAY."

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OH, YEAH? WHAT'S GOING ON?

"OH, YEAH? WHAT'S GOING ON?"

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THE MISS BOSTON BARMAIDS CONTEST.

"THE MISS BOSTON BARMAIDS CONTEST."

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THEY'RE PICKING THE FINALISTS TODAY.

"THEY'RE PICKING THE FINALISTS TODAY."

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WHAT IS IT?

"WHAT IS IT?"

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WHAT IS IT? PAUL!

"WHAT IS IT? PAUL!"

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IT'S ONLY THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR.

"IT'S ONLY THE BIGGEST EVENT OF THE YEAR."

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I MEAN, WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT.

"I MEAN, WORDS CAN'T DESCRIBE IT."

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AH...A BUNCH OF WAITRESSES SERVE DRINKS, AND ONE OF THEM WINS.

"AH...A BUNCH OF WAITRESSES SERVE DRINKS, AND ONE OF THEM WINS."

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YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT IT.

"YEAH, THAT'S ABOUT IT."

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COACH IS PARTICULARLY EXCITED TODAY

"COACH IS PARTICULARLY EXCITED TODAY"

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BECAUSE THIS YEAR THE CONTEST IS BEING HELD

"BECAUSE THIS YEAR THE CONTEST IS BEING HELD"

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RIGHT HERE AT CHEERS.

"RIGHT HERE AT CHEERS."

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ALL RIGHT!

"ALL RIGHT!"

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I HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, COACH,

"I HATE TO BURST YOUR BUBBLE, COACH,"

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BUT THE CONTEST'S A PHONY.

"BUT THE CONTEST'S A PHONY."

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YOU GOT TO FOOL AROUND WITH THE JUDGE TO GET IN.

"YOU GOT TO FOOL AROUND WITH THE JUDGE TO GET IN."

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OH! THAT'S DISGUSTING.

"OH! THAT'S DISGUSTING."

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YEAH, AND HE WON'T RETURN MY CALLS.

"YEAH, AND HE WON'T RETURN MY CALLS."

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HEY, EVERYBODY, I WANT YOUR ATTENTION.

"HEY, EVERYBODY, I WANT YOUR ATTENTION."

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THEY PICKED THE FINALISTS

"THEY PICKED THE FINALISTS"

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FOR THE MISS BOSTON BARMAID CONTEST,

"FOR THE MISS BOSTON BARMAID CONTEST,"

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AND THIS YEAR CHEERS IS GOING TO WIN.

"AND THIS YEAR CHEERS IS GOING TO WIN."

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HEY! WHOA! YAY!

"HEY! WHOA! YAY!"

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FINALLY THEY'RE LETTING IN PREGGOS!

"FINALLY THEY'RE LETTING IN PREGGOS!"

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NO, NO, NO, NO.

"NO, NO, NO, NO."

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CARLA, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S DIANE.

"CARLA, IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S DIANE."

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SAM, DIANE'S PREGNANT?

"SAM, DIANE'S PREGNANT?"

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NO, NO.

"NO, NO."

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SHE'S A FINALIST, COACH.

"SHE'S A FINALIST, COACH."

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GIVE ME A COPY!

"GIVE ME A COPY!"

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THAT PROVES IT! THERE IS NO GOD.

"THAT PROVES IT! THERE IS NO GOD."

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THAT LITTLE PIXIE. SHE DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT IT.

"THAT LITTLE PIXIE. SHE DIDN'T SAY A WORD ABOUT IT."

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OH, NO, NO. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT.

"OH, NO, NO. SHE DOESN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT."

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I ENTERED HER WITHOUT TELLING HER.

"I ENTERED HER WITHOUT TELLING HER."

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WHY, SAM? JUST TO CAUSE ME ANGUISH?

"WHY, SAM? JUST TO CAUSE ME ANGUISH?"

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ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT."

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SO SHE'S NOT THE BEST WAITRESS IN THE WORLD,

"SO SHE'S NOT THE BEST WAITRESS IN THE WORLD,"

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BUT SHE MAKES IT IN THESE OTHER CATEGORIES HERE--

"BUT SHE MAKES IT IN THESE OTHER CATEGORIES HERE--"

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PERKY, PERT, CONGENIAL, AND FUN.

"PERKY, PERT, CONGENIAL, AND FUN."

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AND I DON'T?

"AND I DON'T?"

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SWEETHEART, YOU CANNOT JOIN THE CONTEST.

"SWEETHEART, YOU CANNOT JOIN THE CONTEST."

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YOU'RE PREGNANT.

"YOU'RE PREGNANT."

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SO? PROVES I'M CONGENIAL.

"SO? PROVES I'M CONGENIAL."

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GOOD POINT. GOOD POINT.

"GOOD POINT. GOOD POINT."

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HEY, SAMMY, HERE SHE COMES.

"HEY, SAMMY, HERE SHE COMES."

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ALL RIGHT, I WANT THIS TO BE A SURPRISE.

"ALL RIGHT, I WANT THIS TO BE A SURPRISE."

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JUST EVERYBODY PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.

"JUST EVERYBODY PRETEND LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING."

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COACH, GRAB HER APRON AND PUT IT UP HERE NEXT TO THE PAPER

"COACH, GRAB HER APRON AND PUT IT UP HERE NEXT TO THE PAPER"

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SO SHE SEES IT.

"SO SHE SEES IT."

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HELLO, EVERYONE.

"HELLO, EVERYONE."

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HI. HI.

"HI. HI."

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YOU ALL LOOK CHIPPER TODAY.

"YOU ALL LOOK CHIPPER TODAY."

Cheers

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