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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Rides a Bike! (S01E01)

"It's just another cult."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why does this keep happening? What's wrong with me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"getting ready for the Rapture."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But it could happen to anyone. It almost happened to me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you know how long it takes ladies to get ready."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[laughing] This one."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You, with your iron will?"
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"Oh, pfft."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's what I said."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My point is, what if I had let them out"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're right."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and then the Rapture happened, like, two days later?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I have to go to Durnsville."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Because the Bible says..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimberly, when I first heard about your dealio,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"it's coming."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I know it's coming soon."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"all I cared about was the lurid, titillating details."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That doesn't scare me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Like how we built Can Man to practice kissing on,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and we only had one rule..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The signs are all around you if you just open your eyes."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Don't fall in love with Can Man?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Men debasing themselves for pleasure..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But Can Man was irresistible?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and the few good among us..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No. No."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"All I care about is helping my friend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So... I'm coming with you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm good."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You'd do that for me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Powerless against the faceless evil"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So I can see the trial without ads."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of petty tyranny..."
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"just like in School Ties."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Sorry!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The library is closed."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm powerless against the faceless evil of petty tyranny."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I meant..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so I can see the trial without ads."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, God!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm really trying to be supportive here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's happening!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm your friend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So I'm gonna come to Durnsville with you,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"so I can see the trial without ads."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Thanks, Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Evil will rise from the depths of the Earth."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I just need to take care of something first."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Bottles and models, bitches!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Time to clip in."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ugh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ladies!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What white nonsense was that?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And gay guy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Woman shall lie with beast."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is a spin-tervention."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[smooching]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Get a hold of yourself, Titus."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That man is a fraud!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And the Devil herself shall appear in a cloud of smoke"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, how dare you?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I gifted you with the sacred words..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and drag you down to the foulest pit of hell."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[screaming]"
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"Tcha-kamo, feenahnay."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hey, Titus."
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"Sacred words?"
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"You want to go to Boston Market?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""Tcha-kamo, feenahnay""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's the Devil!"
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"Ha! I'm not the Devil."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"is from Iko Iko,"
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"The sulfur smell is 'cause I'm doing a hard-boiled egg cleanse."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"from the Rain Man soundtrack."
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"Lillian, I got sucked in by a crazy person,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is that a brand-new cassette tape"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I started to believe what he was saying."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of the Rain Man soundtrack?"
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"And if that happened to me, with my iron will..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And his name isn't Tristan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Iron will!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's Christopher!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[laughs]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You couldn't even stay standing for this whole conversation."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He just pronounces it like an idiot."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My point is, that man is dangerous,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You ever wonder why it's so dark in here?"
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"Kimmy, don't touch those."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and he must be stopped,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and there's only one person who can do it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And he's not even pedaling his bike."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimberly, that man is dangerous."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's just a video."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's how he does ten classes a day."
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"No, get off my beach."
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"Kimmy, don't move that monitor."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Get your beach out of my"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Olympic men's figure skating locker room."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Don't judge! IBS is real!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"We all have our fantasies."
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"He was on the toilet the whole time?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That monster told you how to dress,"
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"Oh, God. That's what the candles are for."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"how to wear your hair, what to think."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They're also to set the mood."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He locked you up and told you"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Why do we keep doing this to ourselves,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"the outside world didn't exist anymore,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"replacing one stupid male authority figure with another,"
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"like Days of Our Lives replaces Roman Bradys."
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"and you believed him."
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"I like the first Roman."
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"No, I didn't."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're a moron!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I never believed a word the Reverend said."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Sorry. That's just wrong."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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