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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Rides a Bike! (S01E01)

I think you might have me confused with someone else.

"I think you might have me confused with someone else."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tcha-kamo, feenahnay.

"Tcha-kamo, feenahnay."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I've never been to Durnsville in my life.

"I've never been to Durnsville in my life."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Can you believe we biked all day?

"Can you believe we biked all day?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tristan is amazing.

"Tristan is amazing."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yeah, you're a surprise witness.

"Yeah, you're a surprise witness."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

If we knew who you were, it wouldn't be a surprise.

"If we knew who you were, it wouldn't be a surprise."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

"Tristan is amazing."

""Tristan is amazing.""

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Anyhoo, you got to get here.

"Anyhoo, you got to get here."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

That sounded exactly like me.

"That sounded exactly like me."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I'm supposed to testify tomorrow,

"I'm supposed to testify tomorrow,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

That was like listening to a mirror.

"That was like listening to a mirror."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and you know how tricky the Reverend is.

"and you know how tricky the Reverend is."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Be quiet, Kimmy.

"Be quiet, Kimmy."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And our lawyers don't seem to know

"And our lawyers don't seem to know"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And clean that up.

"And clean that up."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

what the heck they're doing!

"what the heck they're doing!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But Tristan says...

"But Tristan says..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

How do you think that went, Cyndee?

"How do you think that went, Cyndee?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You don't tell me what Tristan says.

"You don't tell me what Tristan says."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

B? B-plus?

"B? B-plus?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

So is this your first case or...?

"So is this your first case or...?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I brought you to SpiritCycle.

"I brought you to SpiritCycle."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- [chuckling] - Ah, I love it.

"- [chuckling] - Ah, I love it."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And how do you repay me?

"And how do you repay me?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

See, this is why we moved here... Anonymity.

"See, this is why we moved here... Anonymity."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You take my bike and exile me to the second row

"You take my bike and exile me to the second row"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

with those sloppy baby-weight disasters.

"with those sloppy baby-weight disasters."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

In Durnsville, we're just Marcia and Chris,

"In Durnsville, we're just Marcia and Chris,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tristan warned me you would lash out tonight.

"Tristan warned me you would lash out tonight."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

not famously incompetent California prosecutors.

"not famously incompetent California prosecutors."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, really?

"Oh, really?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Hey, he's in jail now.

"Hey, he's in jail now."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And exactly when did you have

"And exactly when did you have"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

a private conversation with Tristan?

"a private conversation with Tristan?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The front row had a cucumber-water cool-down

"The front row had a cucumber-water cool-down"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

So who has four thumbs and loosened that jelly jar?

"So who has four thumbs and loosened that jelly jar?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

with him after class.

"with him after class."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Now I guess I'll have to tell Tristan

"Now I guess I'll have to tell Tristan"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

[both chuckle]

"[both chuckle]"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

that you forgot your place and yelled at a first-row bike.

"that you forgot your place and yelled at a first-row bike."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The only thing that's important here

"The only thing that's important here"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

No.

"No."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

No, no, please!

"No, no, please!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

is for me and you

"is for me and you"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

- Please. - Good.

"- Please. - Good."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

to see where this relationship can go.

"to see where this relationship can go."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Now drink.

"Now drink."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yeah.

"Yeah."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ha, ah...

"Ha, ah..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Pedal, pedal.

"Pedal, pedal."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I can taste your power.

"I can taste your power."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Be like a drunk girl getting out of a cab,

"Be like a drunk girl getting out of a cab,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Mmm.

"Mmm."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

and leave everything behind...

"and leave everything behind..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

What are you doing here?

"What are you doing here?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Your bag, your keys!

"Your bag, your keys!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The trial started already.

"The trial started already."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, that ginger in the corner

"Yes, that ginger in the corner"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Titus, I've decided I'm not going.

"Titus, I've decided I'm not going."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

is going to have to call her landlord from a pay phone!

"is going to have to call her landlord from a pay phone!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

What? But you have to!

"What? But you have to!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Whoo!

"Whoo!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Scream, you drunk mess! Scream!

"Scream, you drunk mess! Scream!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

The only thing I have to do is follow my bliss.

"The only thing I have to do is follow my bliss."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And Indiana is nowhere near my mind beach.

"And Indiana is nowhere near my mind beach."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Turn your resistance all the way up to Gandhi.

"Turn your resistance all the way up to Gandhi."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

What white nonsense is this?

"What white nonsense is this?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh!

"Oh!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Oh, it's supposed to hurt.

"Oh, it's supposed to hurt."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

It's SpiritCycle.

"It's SpiritCycle."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

It's Gandhi.

"It's Gandhi."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Whoo!

"Whoo!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And Tristan is teaching me to leave everything behind,

"And Tristan is teaching me to leave everything behind,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Follow your bliss...

"Follow your bliss..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

like a toddler at an out-of-state

"like a toddler at an out-of-state"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Trademark Tristafé.

"Trademark Tristafé."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Imagine yourself on a beautiful beach,

"Imagine yourself on a beautiful beach,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

fast-food restaurant.

"fast-food restaurant."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

on a bicycle!

"on a bicycle!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Listen to me.

"Listen to me."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Your lawyers' opening statement was mostly a slideshow

"Your lawyers' opening statement was mostly a slideshow"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I see a dolphin!

"I see a dolphin!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, it's beautiful.

"Yes, it's beautiful."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

of their trip to see the fall colors.

"of their trip to see the fall colors."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

If you don't go down there,

"If you don't go down there,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I see it, too.

"I see it, too."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

they might set the Reverend free.

"they might set the Reverend free."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You're a liar!

"You're a liar!"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

That has nothing to do with this.

"That has nothing to do with this."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

You see no dolphin.

"You see no dolphin."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tell me more of the dolphin, ginger.

"Tell me more of the dolphin, ginger."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Kimmy... Kimmy...

"Kimmy... Kimmy..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

There is only here.

"There is only here."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Okay, bye.

"Okay, bye."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ms. Pokorny, we've never met before, have we?

"Ms. Pokorny, we've never met before, have we?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, you kept me in an underground bunker

"Yes, you kept me in an underground bunker"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

There is only now.

"There is only now."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

for 15 years.

"for 15 years."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

My mind is so blank,

"My mind is so blank,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

That's weird,

"That's weird,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I don't even know how to tark anymelg.

"I don't even know how to tark anymelg."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

because in your deposition, you describe this man,

"because in your deposition, you describe this man,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And so we are done.

"And so we are done."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

or more likely... woman,

"or more likely... woman,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

[all clap]

"[all clap]"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

as having a big, bushy beard.

"as having a big, bushy beard."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Yes, that's right.

"Yes, that's right."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

A beard?

"A beard?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,

"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

And unclip, ladies.

"And unclip, ladies."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I prefer my students in ponytails

"I prefer my students in ponytails"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

so I can imagine them...

"so I can imagine them..."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

do you see a beard?

"do you see a beard?"

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

as ponies.

"as ponies."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I told you I'm not very good at math, Ms. Pokorny.

"I told you I'm not very good at math, Ms. Pokorny."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

I've been very up front about that.

"I've been very up front about that."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tcha-kamo, feenahnay.

"Tcha-kamo, feenahnay."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

But even to me, your story doesn't add up.

"But even to me, your story doesn't add up."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

He makes some really good points.

"He makes some really good points."

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

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