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Clips from Mary Tyler Moore - Smokey the Bear Wants You (S01E01)

"What reason could he have for offering you his car?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"I said I liked it."
Mary Tyler Moore
"but I think that offering you a car is not normal."
Mary Tyler Moore
"That's what I thought, Mar. And there's been other things I've been worried about too."
Mary Tyler Moore
"does it make any difference what he does for a living."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I said, "Of course not"... lying through my teeth."
Mary Tyler Moore
"The way I figure it, any man who says,"
Mary Tyler Moore
""Does it make any difference what I do for a living"..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"is probably not a United States senator."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Now, who has lots of money..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"and plenty of free time and can't even mention what his work is?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Mary, I have been up with that one all night long."
Mary Tyler Moore
"spying and organized crime."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Rhoda, there are no spies in Minneapolis."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Okay. All right. I know he's not a spy."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I'm as sure of that as I am that he is in organized crime."
Mary Tyler Moore
"He drives a foreign car... black."
Mary Tyler Moore
"He's spending a lot of money. A lot."
Mary Tyler Moore
"And he never seems to work."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Besides that, he's always going off to meetings somewhere."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Organized criminals do meet a lot, don't they... to plan and everything."
Mary Tyler Moore
"It can't be."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- [Knocking] - Oh, that's him."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I don't know what I'm being so picky about."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Back home in New York, anybody out on bail was considered to be a professional man."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Hi. Sorry I'm a little late."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Hi, Mary. How are you? - Good. Fine, thanks. And you?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Good. Fine, thanks. - You don't have any turpentine with you, do you?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- [Snaps Fingers] - Just ran out."
Mary Tyler Moore
"You're painting that?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Well, I mean, it's wood, and wood is so beautiful."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I mean, it probably took about a hundred years for it to get that way."
Mary Tyler Moore
"You're just gonna slop gunk all over it?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Uh-uh. No, I won't. I won't do that."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I mean, you can. It's all right with me. - No, no, I won't."
Mary Tyler Moore
"It's just my, uh... You should put a little natural stain on it."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Natural stain. I'll do that."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Oh, listen, Rhoda, I promised somebody I'd stop by and say hello tonight."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Besides, I'd like you two to meet each other. - Okay. Who is it?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"My Uncle Frank. Well, he's not really my uncle,"
Mary Tyler Moore
"His godfather."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- You don't mind, do you? - Oh, no, no. Of course not."
Mary Tyler Moore
"It should be interesting."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I don't think we'll be back too late, Mary. Bye, kid."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Bye. - [Clicks Tongue] See ya."
Mary Tyler Moore
"[Clicks Tongue]"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Mary? I guess she went out."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- You want a drink? - You got any scotch?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I'll check. - Okay. Would you like some music?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Yeah, music. - How do you turn this thing on?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I don't know. - You don't know how to turn on your own record player?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Oh. Well, see, Mary does that."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Sure. We divide up the work around here."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I do the vacuuming and laundry; she turns on the record player."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Did you say scotch? - Or whatever. What do you got?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Oh, well, yeah. Uh, see, we each have our own supply, and I'm out."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Your godfather is really nice."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Yeah, he liked you too. I could tell. - How could you tell?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Well, he talked about his work so much. He never does that."
Mary Tyler Moore
"That sort of runs in your family."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Okay. I guess I've been keeping it from you long enough."
Mary Tyler Moore
"If you want to keep it from me a little longer, it's all right."
Mary Tyler Moore
"No, no, no. If you don't want to see me anymore after I've told you, I'll understand."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Chuck. It would have to be pretty bad."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Okay."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Well, you see, for the last ten years,"
Mary Tyler Moore
"a vice president of the Hercules Lawn Mower and Snow Blower Company."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I admit it occurred to me. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night."
Mary Tyler Moore
"It would hit me... Maybe he's the vice president of a lawn mower, snow blower corporation."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Would you sit down?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Now, one night a couple of months ago, I noticed that sales..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"of our number sixty-two combined mower/blowers were down one percent."
Mary Tyler Moore
"And I was upset. I mean, I was really upset."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I was taking my fourth antacid pill when it hit me."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I mean, what's the difference how many Hercules mower/blowers are sold in Minneapolis?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Offhand, I can't answer that question."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I can't either. That's why I quit. - Quit?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Ajob that had to pay, what, 20... - Thirty."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Thousand dollars? - Yeah."
Mary Tyler Moore
"because I've got just enough money left to do..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"what I've always wanted to do since I was a kid."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Buy out a candy store. Don't do it."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I did it last week. It's not all it's cracked up to be."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Believe me. Okay. I won't interrupt you again, Chuck. I promise."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I'm going to go back to college."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Okay. - Because I want to get another degree."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Terrific."
Mary Tyler Moore
"So that I can become a, uh, forest ranger."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Rhoda? - Eucalyptus."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- As long as forest rangers make 30,000 a year. - No, it's more like 9,000."
Mary Tyler Moore
"You're crazy."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Rhoda, look. I don't want to spend the rest of my life..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"worrying about how to turn a four percent profit into a six percent profit."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I can understand how you feel, Chuck. I really can. - You can?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"What I can't understand is why you feel you have to do something about it."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Why don't you try it before you put it down?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- How can you try a thing like that? - I'm going on a camping trip this weekend."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Come with me. - Oh, gee, Chuck. l..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Oh, come on. It's just one weekend in the woods."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Uh, listen. I can... I can come back later."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Oh, no, no, Mary. Look, as a matter of fact, why don't you come too?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"A bunch of us are going on a camping trip this weekend."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Hey. Hey, that sounds like fun."
Mary Tyler Moore
"I haven't gone camping in years."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Well, I'd better go now. Look, Rhoda,"
Mary Tyler Moore
"I'll call you tomorrow about the hike, huh?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Yeah, about the hike. Call. - Good night, Mar."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Come. You'll enjoy it. - Okay. Good night, Chuck."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Good-bye, Chuck. I should have known."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Rhoda Pelligrini. It just doesn't sound right."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Okay. What did you find out? What does he do? What?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"He's a forest freak, that's what."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- Just because he asked you to go on a hike? - No."
Mary Tyler Moore
"Because he just gave up a vice presidency of a big company..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"to go back to college to study to become..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"get this... a forest ranger."
Mary Tyler Moore
"A forest ranger? Uh, why?"
Mary Tyler Moore
"Mmm. He had some stupid idea about being happy."
Mary Tyler Moore
"- I don't even know what they do. - Well, they, uh..."
Mary Tyler Moore
"They stand around in towers..."
Mary Tyler Moore
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