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Clips from Single Drunk Female - One Day at a Time (S01E01)

"♪"

Single Drunk Female

(indistinct announcement over P. A.)

"(indistinct announcement over P. A.)"

Single Drunk Female

"♪"

Single Drunk Female

Samantha.

"Samantha."

Single Drunk Female

I can see you.

"I can see you."

Single Drunk Female

Oh, I just... I thought I left a box back here.

"Oh, I just... I thought I left a box back here."

Single Drunk Female

I hate to play the manager card,

"I hate to play the manager card,"

Single Drunk Female

but when you're on the clock,

"but when you're on the clock,"

Single Drunk Female

I expect you to work the whole time.

"I expect you to work the whole time."

Single Drunk Female

I know, I'm sorry. I haven't slept in days, okay?

"I know, I'm sorry. I haven't slept in days, okay?"

Single Drunk Female

How many days since your last drink?

"How many days since your last drink?"

Single Drunk Female

(sighs) Why does everybody keep asking me that?

"(sighs) Why does everybody keep asking me that?"

Single Drunk Female

Nine very boring and miserable days.

"Nine very boring and miserable days."

Single Drunk Female

You're a newborn.

"You're a newborn."

Single Drunk Female

You're basically in the birth canal.

"You're basically in the birth canal."

Single Drunk Female

I don't know if you remember the birth canal, but I do.

"I don't know if you remember the birth canal, but I do."

Single Drunk Female

It's my first memory.

"It's my first memory."

Single Drunk Female

Let's start with a meeting.

"Let's start with a meeting."

Single Drunk Female

At Club 24/7.

"At Club 24/7."

Single Drunk Female

I promised your sponsor‐‐ aka my sponsor first‐‐

"I promised your sponsor‐‐ aka my sponsor first‐‐"

Single Drunk Female

that I'd keep an eye on you.

"that I'd keep an eye on you."

Single Drunk Female

I miss being a drunk.

"I miss being a drunk."

Single Drunk Female

There was a lot less accountability.

"There was a lot less accountability."

Single Drunk Female

All right.

"All right."

Single Drunk Female

("Hell N Back" by Bakar playing)

"("Hell N Back" by Bakar playing)"

Single Drunk Female

♪ Could you tell where my head was at when you found me? ♪

"♪ Could you tell where my head was at when you found me? ♪"

Single Drunk Female

♪ Me and you went to hell and back just to find peace... ♪

"♪ Me and you went to hell and back just to find peace... ♪"

Single Drunk Female

‐Hi. ‐Hey, you're still here.

"‐Hi. ‐Hey, you're still here."

Single Drunk Female

Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence.

"Wow, thanks for the vote of confidence."

Single Drunk Female

‐Oh, dude, no, I just meant that... ‐It's fine.

"‐Oh, dude, no, I just meant that... ‐It's fine."

Single Drunk Female

‐I'm fairly impressed with myself, as well. ‐Okay.

"‐I'm fairly impressed with myself, as well. ‐Okay."

Single Drunk Female

Okay. (mumbles)

"Okay. (mumbles)"

Single Drunk Female

‐Cool. I'm gonna go sit over there. ‐All right, yeah.

"‐Cool. I'm gonna go sit over there. ‐All right, yeah."

Single Drunk Female

If anybody asks where you are, I can let them know.

"If anybody asks where you are, I can let them know."

Single Drunk Female

(indistinct chatter)

"(indistinct chatter)"

Single Drunk Female

Oh, that's so cute. No.

"Oh, that's so cute. No."

Single Drunk Female

No offense at all intended, but you can't sit with me

"No offense at all intended, but you can't sit with me"

Single Drunk Female

until you work on your aesthetic.

"until you work on your aesthetic."

Single Drunk Female

But you brought me here.

"But you brought me here."

Single Drunk Female

In this room, I'm not your boss.

"In this room, I'm not your boss."

Single Drunk Female

I'm your chic friend who needs you to try a little harder.

"I'm your chic friend who needs you to try a little harder."

Single Drunk Female

Yikes, that had to hurt.

"Yikes, that had to hurt."

Single Drunk Female

‐I am so sorry, yeah. ‐Yeah, mm‐hmm.

"‐I am so sorry, yeah. ‐Yeah, mm‐hmm."

Single Drunk Female

No one told me this was like the high school cafeteria

"No one told me this was like the high school cafeteria"

Single Drunk Female

‐all over again, except this time I'm way less cute. ‐Oh.

"‐all over again, except this time I'm way less cute. ‐Oh."

Single Drunk Female

so you were at the good table at your high school cafeteria?

"so you were at the good table at your high school cafeteria?"

Single Drunk Female

Well, I was the good table at my high school cafeteria.

"Well, I was the good table at my high school cafeteria."

Single Drunk Female

Little tip, though?

"Little tip, though?"

Single Drunk Female

‐Mm‐hmm? ‐Just put, like, your set of keys

"‐Mm‐hmm? ‐Just put, like, your set of keys"

Single Drunk Female

or, like, a business card on a chair so nobody takes your seat.

"or, like, a business card on a chair so nobody takes your seat."

Single Drunk Female

Yeah, I think it's safe to say I don't have a business card.

"Yeah, I think it's safe to say I don't have a business card."

Single Drunk Female

Or keys.

"Or keys."

Single Drunk Female

Hmm.

"Hmm."

Single Drunk Female

You can borrow...

"You can borrow..."

Single Drunk Female

mine.

"mine."

Single Drunk Female

Is this you giving me your number?

"Is this you giving me your number?"

Single Drunk Female

Uh, no, that is

"Uh, no, that is"

Single Drunk Female

for you to put on a chair

"for you to put on a chair"

Single Drunk Female

so that nobody takes your seat.

"so that nobody takes your seat."

Single Drunk Female

Like I just said, yeah?

"Like I just said, yeah?"

Single Drunk Female

"♪"

Single Drunk Female

(groans)

"(groans)"

Single Drunk Female

Good morning.

"Good morning."

Single Drunk Female

Is there coffee?

"Is there coffee?"

Single Drunk Female

‐I'll get it. ‐Thank you.

"‐I'll get it. ‐Thank you."

Single Drunk Female

Couldn't sleep?

"Couldn't sleep?"

Single Drunk Female

Not in ten days.

"Not in ten days."

Single Drunk Female

You know...

"You know..."

Single Drunk Female

I should have changed that mattress.

"I should have changed that mattress."

Single Drunk Female

We've had that since, what, 1998?

"We've had that since, what, 1998?"

Single Drunk Female

I thought about it over the years,

"I thought about it over the years,"

Single Drunk Female

but then I figured nobody's ever gonna sleep in there again,

"but then I figured nobody's ever gonna sleep in there again,"

Single Drunk Female

so, you know.

"so, you know."

Single Drunk Female

I get it‐‐ you'd love for me to leave.

"I get it‐‐ you'd love for me to leave."

Single Drunk Female

That is not what I meant.

"That is not what I meant."

Single Drunk Female

I love that you're here.

"I love that you're here."

Single Drunk Female

I just hate that you have to be here.

"I just hate that you have to be here."

Single Drunk Female

For you.

"For you."

Single Drunk Female

Look, we're on the same team, okay?

"Look, we're on the same team, okay?"

Single Drunk Female

You want me out, I want to be out.

"You want me out, I want to be out."

Single Drunk Female

I'm saving money already.

"I'm saving money already."

Single Drunk Female

Not a lot of money, but give it a few months.

"Not a lot of money, but give it a few months."

Single Drunk Female

You know, I'll get a real job, start paying rent somewhere.

"You know, I'll get a real job, start paying rent somewhere."

Single Drunk Female

Don't rush it.

"Don't rush it."

Single Drunk Female

I want you to be healthy.

"I want you to be healthy."

Single Drunk Female

So, what is the usual time frame

"So, what is the usual time frame"

Single Drunk Female

for... being recovered?

"for... being recovered?"

Single Drunk Female

Got to get out of Carol's house.

"Got to get out of Carol's house."

Single Drunk Female

She says she doesn't want me out, but I know she does.

"She says she doesn't want me out, but I know she does."

Single Drunk Female

You know I'd put you up, but I got my kid and the salon,

"You know I'd put you up, but I got my kid and the salon,"

Single Drunk Female

and... I just don't really want to.

"and... I just don't really want to."

Single Drunk Female

Yeah, I don't blame you.

"Yeah, I don't blame you."

Single Drunk Female

Okay, so, uh, how we doing this?

"Okay, so, uh, how we doing this?"

Single Drunk Female

You go up to the front and buy this and I'll just

"You go up to the front and buy this and I'll just"

Single Drunk Female

act really chill and we can meet behind the dumpsters?

"act really chill and we can meet behind the dumpsters?"

Single Drunk Female

It's an employee discount, not a bank heist.

"It's an employee discount, not a bank heist."

Single Drunk Female

You just get me when you're ready to check out.

"You just get me when you're ready to check out."

Single Drunk Female

‐Everybody does it. ‐Oh, cool.

"‐Everybody does it. ‐Oh, cool."

Single Drunk Female

Oh, shit, I forgot the Saran.

"Oh, shit, I forgot the Saran."

Single Drunk Female

DORIS: Okay, so, look.

"DORIS: Okay, so, look."

Single Drunk Female

This is the meat slicer.

"This is the meat slicer."

Single Drunk Female

She's gorgeous.

"She's gorgeous."

Single Drunk Female

Oh, she's a she?

"Oh, she's a she?"

Single Drunk Female

Yes, obviously, just

"Yes, obviously, just"

Single Drunk Female

didn't want to name her, 'cause that would've been creepy.

"didn't want to name her, 'cause that would've been creepy."

Single Drunk Female

‐Of course. ‐All right, come on, give it a go, come on.

"‐Of course. ‐All right, come on, give it a go, come on."

Single Drunk Female

Oh, yeah, listen, no, it's, like, super nice

"Oh, yeah, listen, no, it's, like, super nice"

Single Drunk Female

of you to show me the ropes and everything, but I'm actually not

"of you to show me the ropes and everything, but I'm actually not"

Single Drunk Female

gonna be working here that long. You know,

"gonna be working here that long. You know,"

Single Drunk Female

it's kind of a temporary thing for me.

"it's kind of a temporary thing for me."

Single Drunk Female

Okay, don't look at it like that,

"Okay, don't look at it like that,"

Single Drunk Female

because you might actually be good at this.

"because you might actually be good at this."

Single Drunk Female

Uh‐huh. Yeah, I just think

"Uh‐huh. Yeah, I just think"

Single Drunk Female

this might be a waste of your time.

"this might be a waste of your time."

Single Drunk Female

Don't be afraid to succeed.

"Don't be afraid to succeed."

Single Drunk Female

Come on, step on up.

"Come on, step on up."

Single Drunk Female

‐Okay. ‐Okay.

"‐Okay. ‐Okay."

Single Drunk Female

We gonna take this, put that in your hand,

"We gonna take this, put that in your hand,"

Single Drunk Female

because you're gonna catch the meat.

"because you're gonna catch the meat."

Single Drunk Female

All right.

"All right."

Single Drunk Female

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