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Clips from Betas - Kid Charlemagne (S01E01)

"Hey, fellas. What's going on?"
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"(chuckles)"
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"How'd you manage that?"
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"I told them I'd get their skate video"
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"on the front page of Reddit."
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"Nice."
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"- Works every time. - I bet it does."
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"(knocks)"
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"(sighs)"
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"You look like a vagina from the '80s."
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"Too busy fist-fucking your drum circle to wash your hair?"
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"- Funny. - What do you want, Bren?"
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"You decide I'm the man of your dreams"
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"and you want to give this marriage thing another shot?"
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"You know I have no money,"
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"and I have very little soul left to shit on."
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"Eat me, asshole."
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"You know if you just wanted to trade insults,"
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"we could have done it on "Words With Friends.""
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"Who said I need to want anything?"
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"Re-phrase. What do you need?"
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"(grunts)"
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"(screaming and moaning)"
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"(grunting and yelling)"
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"(grunts)"
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"(moaning)"
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"Oh, fuck, yeah."
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"Oh!"
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"(wincing groan)"
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"(moans)"
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"Oh!"
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"Stay out of my ass, Bren! Stay the fuck out of my ass!"
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"So, Trey gave this really nice little speech,"
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"and then, um, all of a sudden this Indian dude"
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"just comes out of nowhere and totally whizzes on Nash's couch."
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"And I was, like, "What?! This is cray-cray!""
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"My, uh, video got like 600 hits on YouTube."
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"Check it out."
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"- Red dot or feather? - Huh?"
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"Oh, the Indian guy! I thought you were quoting Jay-Z."
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"(energetic shouting)"
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"MIKKI: Total nerd frenzy."
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"What, did Hermione just turn 18?"
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"A long time ago."
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"(shouting)"
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"Winner gets dibs on the Xbox. And mad props."
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"Well, who's running the book?"
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"Hmm?"
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"Taking wagers."
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"Bets!"
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"Jesus, Mitch, you've got a roomful of stat wizards"
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"- and no fuckin' action? - There's an online leader board."
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"Your boy's behind. Are you worried?"
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"Worried Stu's gonna kill himself."
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"No, Nash is like the train in "Unstoppable.""
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"- He's totally unstop... - Unstoppable, yes, I got it."
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"Okay, I got a bitcoin on Bollywood."
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"- Who's in? - Oh, you're crazy."
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"I haven't smoked since college."
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"That's your first problem right there."
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"Get familiar, 'cause when this stuff becomes legal,"
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"there's gonna be a huge market."
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"Yeah, like Uber for weed."
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""Doober.""
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"(chuckling)"
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"You're funny!"
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"- This is fun. - Yeah."
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"So, tell me... I heard a rumor"
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"the reason The Murch picked you for his little project"
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"is 'cause you crashed his house party and got him laid."
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"Who told you that?"
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"Doesn't matter. Is it true?"
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"Well, you forgot the part where Nash stole Facebook's user data"
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"and then Lisa called us a "stalker's wet dream.""
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"(chuckles): Oh, shit!"
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"And I thought we'd have nothing to talk about."
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"(sighs)"
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"You been sharpening those talons?"
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"I have work. You should go."
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"Oh, right. Jesus!"
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"Grab a Dove bar on your way out. I know you get hungry after."
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"Yeah, I'll grab two."
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"Fuck!"
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"What the fuck?!"
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"What the fuck...?!"
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"What did you do to Ray Katzweil?"
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"I didn't do anything, asshole."
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"He was 12 years old."
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"- How long? - Three weeks."
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"In the freezer?"
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"Well, I didn't know how to tell you."
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"Oh, so you thought you'd fuck me and feed me ice cream first?"
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"I thought you might want him."
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"That's why I reached out."
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"Listen..."
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"... we can't keep doing this."
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"It's not healthy, you know?"
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"We got divorced for a reason."
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"Come on, come on. Let's go."
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"(joyful shouts)"
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"STUART: Okay..."
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"It is my honor to bestow upon you"
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"the Amulet of Epic Domination."
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"- Yeah, buddy! - Well-played, man."
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"So, I packed up all your stuff, Lis,"
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"the lamp that you love,"
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"your Klimt poster and the Vitamix. Anything else?"
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"The Vitamix was a gift, remember?"
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"- When you got into law school. - Oh, right."
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"I guess I never"
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"caught smoothie fever."
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"Oh, Jesus, Rob. Fine, yes."
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"I'll make some fucking hummus or something."
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"Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."
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"You know, I got to go study, Lis."
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"Yeah, fine. Bye."
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"(phone vibrates)"
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"Um, uh, hey, George. What's up?"
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"Did you see this hatchet job on ValleySmash?"
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"I want Trey Barrett in my office at 9:00, sharp."
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