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Clips from Lucifer - Bloody Celestial Karaoke Jam (S05E05)

"care to discuss what this is really about?"
Lucifer
"Okay. Okay."
Lucifer
"Okay, he comes down here, judging every little thing,"
Lucifer
"which is ironic because he made every little thing."
Lucifer
"Made all of us imperfect and then criticizes us for not measuring up."
Lucifer
"So, photoshop your selfies, prepare ye the way for Mr. Judgy-pants."
Lucifer
"Is this one of those times when you say one thing and mean another?"
Lucifer
"Because I certainly didn't invent that."
Lucifer
"If you're referring to sarcasm,"
Lucifer
"I'm not smart-alecky enough to take credit for that."
Lucifer
"Smart being in the title, to which I'm sure you'll disagree."
Lucifer
"There it goes again."
Lucifer
"Okay. God, perhaps we should start with you."
Lucifer
"Has Lucifer done anything recently to anger you?"
Lucifer
"[chuckles] Of course not."
Lucifer
"I'm not angry about anything."
Lucifer
"[chuckles] So, what? You just banished me to Hell for shiggles?"
Lucifer
"Be honest!"
Lucifer
"You were pissed that I threatened your superhero status"
Lucifer
"and you were dying to punish me."
Lucifer
"You wanted me to suffer."
Lucifer
"-It's impossible to make him happy. -[laughs]"
Lucifer
"If I give my opinion, I'm controlling."
Lucifer
"If I stand back and let him make his own decisions,"
Lucifer
"I'm the distant father with the "mysterious ways.""
Lucifer
"Whatever I do, he assumes the worst possible intentions."
Lucifer
"That's because nothing is ever good enough for you."
Lucifer
""Why don't you have a desk? Why doesn't your car have a roof?""
Lucifer
""Why's your kitchen just a wall of Scotch?""
Lucifer
"I was merely trying to take an interest in your life."
Lucifer
"He turned my crime scene into a music video. [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"And I do believe I detected a certain baritone singing the loudest."
Lucifer
"It's baritone-tenor split, and I can't help myself if the music starts."
Lucifer
"You know that, and that's why you're doing it!"
Lucifer
"-That's why you're doing it. -Time out!"
Lucifer
"Wanna know what I think?"
Lucifer
"Oh, this is where the advice comes in, so try to pay attention."
Lucifer
"I wouldn't want you to "misinterpret" anything."
Lucifer
"You. You are an archangel."
Lucifer
"You're able to fly."
Lucifer
"Live forever."
Lucifer
"Coax the desires out of all humanity."
Lucifer
"Fly."
Lucifer
"And you…"
Lucifer
"you are Almighty God."
Lucifer
"You are the most important being in the entire universe."
Lucifer
"-You made the universe. You did that. -[Lucifer scoffs]"
Lucifer
"You've had millennia"
Lucifer
"to evolve beyond all the petty squabbles that we have down here on Earth."
Lucifer
"[chuckles] And yet, you haven't."
Lucifer
"You're basically just like all of us. [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"I mean, maybe even worse,"
Lucifer
"if you consider all the time that you've had to evolve…"
Lucifer
"[laughs] …beyond all of this nonsense."
Lucifer
"I mean, take this father-son discord."
Lucifer
"So your son didn't turn out exactly how you'd hoped."
Lucifer
"So he can't fly."
Lucifer
"I think we've already established that I can fly."
Lucifer
"You know what a good father does?"
Lucifer
"He loves his son."
Lucifer
"Unconditionally."
Lucifer
"Even if he doesn't have a fancy pair of wings."
Lucifer
"No matter what."
Lucifer
"Supports him."
Lucifer
"You smell what I'm cooking?"
Lucifer
"Uh, usually she's quite perceptive,"
Lucifer
"but I suppose everyone has an off day now and then."
Lucifer
"I believe I smell what you're cooking."
Lucifer
"In fact, I think I know exactly what to do."
Lucifer
"Get ready to be supported, son."
Lucifer
"Okay."
Lucifer
"Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!"
Lucifer
"Believe me, crabs are not a part of humanity you want to experience."
Lucifer
"[chuckles] Whatever you say, son."
Lucifer
"[sniffs, groans]"
Lucifer
"Excuse me, do you know where we can find Coach McVey?"
Lucifer
"-Should be here any minute. -Great. Thank you so much."
Lucifer
"What a lovely, sweaty room you've brought me to, Lucifer."
Lucifer
"-Are you two okay? -Hmm."
Lucifer
"Couldn't be better. I'm just happy to be here with my boy,"
Lucifer
"having some affirming, receptive fun. Speaking of…"
Lucifer
"-Go deep, son. -What?"
Lucifer
"Nice…"
Lucifer
"block! [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"Please tell me you're Coach McVey."
Lucifer
"Can I help you?"
Lucifer
"-Yes-- -[God] That's my son Lucifer."
Lucifer
"He's a very important assist--"
Lucifer
"consultant for the police."
Lucifer
"Doesn't have a desk because he likes to stay on the move."
Lucifer
"Right."
Lucifer
"I'm Detective Decker, LAPD. What can you tell us about Steve Rockwell?"
Lucifer
"I'm sorry, who?"
Lucifer
"Well, a witness said they saw you arguing a few days before his death."
Lucifer
"-Oh, you mean "unnecessary ref-ness"? -[Lucifer chuckles]"
Lucifer
"Look, not to speak ill, but that guy was a judgmental prick."
Lucifer
"Well, it's sort of his job to pass judgment."
Lucifer
"Yeah, but he didn't have to be so goddamned sanctimonious about it."
Lucifer
"Oh, please don't bring me into this."
Lucifer
"[sighs] Yes, it's not what they say. It's the way they say it. Am I right?"
Lucifer
"Wait, you're not here because you think"
Lucifer
"I had anything to do with what happened to the ref."
Lucifer
"I mean, I'm the last guy."
Lucifer
"That dumb-ass call got us into the playoffs."
Lucifer
"Then why did we find your prints on the poisoned whistle?"
Lucifer
"[Lucifer] Hmm."
Lucifer
"Okay, maybe I need a lawyer."
Lucifer
"Or maybe you'd like to tell us what it is that you truly desire."
Lucifer
"I…"
Lucifer
"-I… -Mm-hmm."
Lucifer
"I wanna be tackled by a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader."
Lucifer
"The CIF championship would get me to the university level."
Lucifer
"[sighs] And a few years of that, I'd be doing pros in no time."
Lucifer
"-And by doing pros, I mean, well… -[grunts]"
Lucifer
"-You know what I mean. [laughs] -Yes, I know what you mean."
Lucifer
"-Excellent use of your special talent. -[sighs]"
Lucifer
"One you can't take credit for, might I remind you,"
Lucifer
"since I know we self-actualize, so yay me."
Lucifer
"Hmm. Yes, of course."
Lucifer
"But technically, I made you self-actualize,"
Lucifer
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