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Clips from Lucifer - Bloody Celestial Karaoke Jam (S05E05)

"Lucifer, who is that?"
Lucifer
"It's, um…"
Lucifer
"[sighs] It's my dad."
Lucifer
"Your dad? As in, God?"
Lucifer
"Yes. Yes, and I know it's probably very overwhelming,"
Lucifer
"but please do not inflate his ego, Detective."
Lucifer
"It's big enough as it is. Here we go again."
Lucifer
"Hi."
Lucifer
"[chuckles] Hi, God, I-- Well-- I'm Chloe."
Lucifer
"I'm guessing you already know that, but here's something maybe you don't know,"
Lucifer
"and respectfully, sir,"
Lucifer
"you are a terrible father."
Lucifer
"I am sure you had your hands full with creating the Earth, you know, the sun,"
Lucifer
"the universe, whatever,"
Lucifer
"but I know what it's like to be a working parent,"
Lucifer
"and my two cents, again, respectfully, when it comes to Lucifer."
Lucifer
"you screwed up."
Lucifer
"Big time."
Lucifer
"You know, your kid acts up, and you kick them out of the house"
Lucifer
"and go radio silent for thousands of years?"
Lucifer
"That's just mean."
Lucifer
"Respectfully."
Lucifer
"It's nice to finally meet you, Chloe Decker."
Lucifer
"I can certainly see how much you care for my son."
Lucifer
"-He's lucky to have you. -Right, 'cause I'm a gift?"
Lucifer
"Speaking of, I'd like to talk--"
Lucifer
"That's probably enough for our first meet and greet."
Lucifer
"We don't want anyone to get smited. Yes."
Lucifer
"Plus, we have a murder to solve."
Lucifer
"So off you pop, Dad. Come on."
Lucifer
"Now you see what I've been dealing with?"
Lucifer
"Yeah."
Lucifer
"-[grunts] -[Charlie cooing]"
Lucifer
"[Linda] What are you doing?"
Lucifer
"Oh, I, uh…"
Lucifer
"I spoke to my father."
Lucifer
"Turns out we won't be needing this after all."
Lucifer
"Well, do wings come in later?"
Lucifer
"Or is it, like, a puberty thing? [chuckling]"
Lucifer
"Am I gonna find feathers next to crusty socks under his bed? [laughs]"
Lucifer
"Charlie won't be getting wings, Linda, ever."
Lucifer
"I'm sorry to say that our son is just a…"
Lucifer
"just a normal human baby."
Lucifer
"Well, that's a relief!"
Lucifer
"Why do you look so sad?"
Lucifer
"Do you not realize that this is good news?"
Lucifer
"No more ugly-ass bubble wrap."
Lucifer
"No more worrying about a head-on with a 737."
Lucifer
"I mean, this… This… This is fantastic."
Lucifer
"Because he can't fly."
Lucifer
"Yay."
Lucifer
"Okay, wait."
Lucifer
"You're disappointed because you think angels are better than humans."
Lucifer
"Don't you?"
Lucifer
"Well, yes, Linda. We are better."
Lucifer
"We can fly. We live forever."
Lucifer
"There's our superhuman strength."
Lucifer
"I… probably shouldn't have done that."
Lucifer
"[metal creaking]"
Lucifer
"I'll have Maze take a look at that."
Lucifer
"Did I mention that we can fly?"
Lucifer
"[clears throat] I mean, no offense, Linda, but we are better."
Lucifer
"Okay. Um, offense taken, Amenadiel."
Lucifer
"You know what?"
Lucifer
"Why don't you fly this bag of shit to the trash"
Lucifer
"while Charlie and I go on a lame human walk?"
Lucifer
""You ruined my life, and I'm gonna make sure you never ref another game again."
Lucifer
"The world would be a better place if you would just drop dead.""
Lucifer
"Subtle."
Lucifer
"This email came from your account, JJ."
Lucifer
"So?"
Lucifer
"So it sounds like your son threatened to kill the referee who is now dead."
Lucifer
"Surely, you see where we're going with this."
Lucifer
"So you're a linebacker for the Mulholland High Saints?"
Lucifer
"And until last week's playoff loss to the Wildcats,"
Lucifer
"you had a full scholarship to SMU on the table?"
Lucifer
"You mean until the ref made"
Lucifer
"the most asinine call in the history of high school football? Yes."
Lucifer
"So you blame Steve Rockwell for the loss of your scholarship?"
Lucifer
"Of course it's Rockwell's fault. He's a stupid ref who made a stupid call."
Lucifer
"He ruined everything for us."
Lucifer
"Don't you mean ruined everything for him? [chuckles]"
Lucifer
"JJ, do you even want to be an LB at SMU?"
Lucifer
"I mean, it's a lot of acronyms to keep track of, for starters."
Lucifer
"He doesn't know what he wants. He's 17."
Lucifer
"That's why I'm here, helping him, guiding him."
Lucifer
"Watching him."
Lucifer
"["Every Breath You Take" playing]"
Lucifer
"♪ Every breath you take ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ And every move you make ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every bond you break ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every step you take ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ I'll be watching you ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every single day ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ And every word I say ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every game I play ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every night I stay ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ He'll be watching me ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Oh, can't you see ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ You belong to me? ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ How my poor heart aches ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ With every step you take ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every move you make ♪"
Lucifer
"[Lucifer] ♪ Every move I make ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every vow you break ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every vow I break ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every smile I fake ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every claim I stake ♪"
Lucifer
"-♪ He'll be watching me ♪ -[mother] ♪ I'll be watching you ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Since you've gone I've been lost without a trace ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ I dream at night I can only see your face ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ I look around But it's you I can't replace ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ I feel so cold And I long for your embrace ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ I keep crying, baby, baby, please ♪"
Lucifer
"-♪ I'll be watching you ♪ -[Lucifer] ♪ Every breath I take ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every move I make ♪"
Lucifer
"♪ Every bond I break ♪"
Lucifer
"-♪ Every step I take ♪ -[mother] ♪ I'll be watching you ♪"
Lucifer
"-[Lucifer] ♪ Every single day ♪ -[vocalizing]"
Lucifer
"[Lucifer] ♪ Every word I say ♪"
Lucifer
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