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Clips from Weeds - Protection (S03E03)

"so what you doing here?"
Weeds
"I need to know what you do with all of your drug money."
Weeds
"I never realised how useless cash is."
Weeds
"Can't deposit it in the bank, can't pay my bills with it,"
Weeds
"and my family is not going to get their hands on it. Uh-uh-uh."
Weeds
"Sorry, I ain't training another white girl in the ways of the drug business."
Weeds
"Didn't turn out too good for me last time."
Weeds
"I'm your landlord."
Weeds
"And if I can't handle all of this cash,"
Weeds
"well, there's just no incentive to rent to you."
Weeds
"Lord, help me."
Weeds
"Fine."
Weeds
"First off, you take out 20% and you hide it."
Weeds
"Furniture cushions, floorboards, up your snatch if you gotta."
Weeds
"Never know when you're gonna need it. No, trust me. It's your savings account."
Weeds
"Now, it don't earn no interest, but there's nothing like cold hard cash when fate comes calling."
Weeds
"OK, well, what about the other 80%?"
Weeds
"Take the rest, and you start a company."
Weeds
"What kind of company?"
Weeds
"You know what, why don't you find yourself an accountant"
Weeds
"that don't mind bending the rules and let him take care of it for you?"
Weeds
"OK."
Weeds
"You gonna leave me to my reading?"
Weeds
"Do you ever get scared?"
Weeds
"- About anything in particular? - Getting caught."
Weeds
"Oh, no. You gotta put that out your mind. It's like flying."
Weeds
"Sure, the plane might crash, but you got to get to where you're going fast."
Weeds
"So in the end, it's worth the risk."
Weeds
"We're gonna be friends."
Weeds
"Lord, help me."
Weeds
"- What does he say to you? - He likes the way you wear your hair now."
Weeds
"He does?"
Weeds
"But he's angry."
Weeds
"- At who? - All of us."
Weeds
"- He is, is he? - Yeah."
Weeds
"- Well, tell him that's not fair. - You tell him. He's here."
Weeds
"Shane."
Weeds
"No, he's not."
Weeds
"He's dead. You saw him. You were there."
Weeds
"Please, don't do this anymore. It's making me really sad."
Weeds
"Why? Don't you love him?"
Weeds
"I'll always love the memory of him."
Weeds
"- What? - He said he still loves you."
Weeds
"- Shane, this is you talking, isn't it? - No, it's not."
Weeds
"Don't be mad at me."
Weeds
"I'm not mad. I'm just scared."
Weeds
"She's mad."
Weeds
"- Can I help you? - Oh."
Weeds
"Oh?"
Weeds
"- Oh. Hello. I'm Eve Meriweather. - Good for you."
Weeds
"I'm going door to door. We're trying to mobilise the entire neighbourhood"
Weeds
"- To keep an eye out for suspicious behaviour. - Suspicious behaviour?"
Weeds
"You haven't seen anything strange, have you?"
Weeds
"- No, I can't say that I have. - Are you sure?"
Weeds
"What is it I'm supposed to be looking out for?"
Weeds
"Oh, why our cross, of course."
Weeds
"- Someone stole your cross? - Yes."
Weeds
"That is a damn shame. Who would do something like that?"
Weeds
"Jews."
Weeds
"Well, I haven't seen it. Haven't seen many Jews around here, either."
Weeds
"Well, they're mostly urban."
Weeds
"- You're new here. - Just moved in."
Weeds
"- Oh! And you must be the wife. - And you must be..."
Weeds
"Eve Meriweather. Well, look at him. Hello, baby."
Weeds
"Ah!"
Weeds
"Why are little black babies always so adorable?"
Weeds
"Why are white babies always so ugly?"
Weeds
"- Sense of humour. - Ha!"
Weeds
"Well, thank you for dropping by,"
Weeds
"and, yes, if I see your cross, I will call the number."
Weeds
"- See you all in church, I hope. - Sure. Church. Praise the Lord."
Weeds
"Hallelujah."
Weeds
"- I hate white idiots. - White idiots named Doug."
Weeds
"Celia."
Weeds
"- To what do I owe this horror? - All right, save it. I'm here on business."
Weeds
"I need a slimy, crooked accountant with no scruples"
Weeds
"who will do anything to make a buck, and, unfortunately, you're the only one I know."
Weeds
"What makes you think I would lift a finger to help you?"
Weeds
"How can I help you?"
Weeds
"You can set up a dummy corporation for me to funnel cash through."
Weeds
"- You did it for Nancy. - I like Nancy."
Weeds
"Yeah, everybody likes Nancy. Everybody hates Celia."
Weeds
"Time to come up with a new narrative."
Weeds
"- We like the old narrative, it felt right. - Tough. I'm not on the outside anymore."
Weeds
"I am part of this operation whether anyone likes it or not."
Weeds
"And I intend to get my fair share."
Weeds
"What?"
Weeds
"I really want to have sex with you right now."
Weeds
"You do?"
Weeds
"I guess I must have some sort of a castrating bitch fetish."
Weeds
"Yeah?"
Weeds
"I'm really hard. Feel."
Weeds
"Oh."
Weeds
"Don't waste it on me."
Weeds
"I'd sooner lose a leg than suck your dick again."
Weeds
"Set up the corporation fast. I have major bills to pay."
Weeds
"Ooh. Hey! You are working for me now."
Weeds
"- How about Ball Busters Inc? - Yeah, whatever. Work it out, bitch."
Weeds
"What are we waiting for?"
Weeds
"- Where did you get this? - Conrad had it at the grow house."
Weeds
"- Does he know you took it? - No."
Weeds
"We can't just stand around and do nothing. They'll just hit us again."
Weeds
"- Let me worry about it. - You didn't get the shit beat out of you."
Weeds
"You're right. I didn't."
Weeds
"I'm also not going up against an army of drug-dealing bikers"
Weeds
"with a 17-year-old boy, a flamboyant Hindi queen,"
Weeds
"and a four-foot-tall Jesus-loving pixie as my posse."
Weeds
"So what do we do, then? They won't let us deal."
Weeds
"We can't sell their shitty ditch weed. We're out of options."
Weeds
"- I'll think of something. - You better do it fast,"
Weeds
"because the next crop of MILF is almost ready."
Weeds
"Don't you have other things to do, go to the mall or something, be normal?"
Weeds
"Like it or not, this is a family business now."
Weeds
"- Then let the head of the family worry about it. - The head of the family's dead."
Weeds
"At least that isn't my fault."
Weeds
"When Chess is mad, he does stupid things."
Weeds
"Beating the shit out of a defenceless teenage kid is psycho."
Weeds
"Well, unfortunately, there's not much I can do to stop him. Never has been."
Weeds
"Then what the hell am I doing here? I never wash my van."
Weeds
"- You're here because of me. - No, no, no, no."
Weeds
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