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Clips from Uncoupled - Chapter 8 (S01E01)

Apparently, they caught it early,

"Apparently, they caught it early,"

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but I have to see my doctor on Monday to discuss treatment.

"but I have to see my doctor on Monday to discuss treatment."

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Will you go with me? I need another pair of ears.

"Will you go with me? I need another pair of ears."

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I'm so wobbly, I'll probably miss half of it.

"I'm so wobbly, I'll probably miss half of it."

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Of course. Don't worry. It'll be okay.

"Of course. Don't worry. It'll be okay."

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That's what people say when they have no idea if it will be okay.

"That's what people say when they have no idea if it will be okay."

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Don't look now.

"Don't look now."

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There's Colin.

"There's Colin."

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-You know…

"-You know…"

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Oh, and the hot architect.

"Oh, and the hot architect."

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You should go over, say hi. Get it out of the way.

"You should go over, say hi. Get it out of the way."

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He's right. Don't worry. It'll be okay.

"He's right. Don't worry. It'll be okay."

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Oops.

"Oops."

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All right, I'll be back.

"All right, I'll be back."

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How do you think you got the titty cancer?

"How do you think you got the titty cancer?"

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Hi, Colin. Hello, I'm Michael, the ex.

"Hi, Colin. Hello, I'm Michael, the ex."

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I know it looks like I was in a bar fight, but no, I got drunk at gay ski weekend,

"I know it looks like I was in a bar fight, but no, I got drunk at gay ski weekend,"

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and the friends who were taking me to my room

"and the friends who were taking me to my room"

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dropped me on my face.

"dropped me on my face."

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Nice to meet you.

"Nice to meet you."

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Hello. I'm Craig, and this is my wife, Janet.

"Hello. I'm Craig, and this is my wife, Janet."

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-Sorry, wife? -The train was moving too fast.

"-Sorry, wife? -The train was moving too fast."

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I couldn't stop you.

"I couldn't stop you."

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Oh, my…

"Oh, my…"

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I thought he was your new boyfriend, the architect.

"I thought he was your new boyfriend, the architect."

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I saw pictures of you guys in Miami last week.

"I saw pictures of you guys in Miami last week."

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First of all, that guy's not my boyfriend.

"First of all, that guy's not my boyfriend."

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He's somebody I went out with a few times who happened to be in Miami.

"He's somebody I went out with a few times who happened to be in Miami."

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Second, he looks nothing like Craig.

"Second, he looks nothing like Craig."

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Craig, Janet, Colin.

"Craig, Janet, Colin."

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Third, I'd never have brought a date to this out of respect…

"Third, I'd never have brought a date to this out of respect…"

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Did you bring somebody?

"Did you bring somebody?"

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No. Honestly, I was just trying to make you feel comfortable

"No. Honestly, I was just trying to make you feel comfortable"

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and not have it be weird between us again.

"and not have it be weird between us again."

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I am sorry about the dog meltdown.

"I am sorry about the dog meltdown."

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My mother heard the whole tirade and called me a whiny bitch,

"My mother heard the whole tirade and called me a whiny bitch,"

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in case you were wondering whose side she came down on.

"in case you were wondering whose side she came down on."

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That's okay. I probably should've broken that news more thoughtfully.

"That's okay. I probably should've broken that news more thoughtfully."

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He pooped in my Prada loafers, if it makes you feel better.

"He pooped in my Prada loafers, if it makes you feel better."

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Yeah, I don't love that it makes me feel better, but it does.

"Yeah, I don't love that it makes me feel better, but it does."

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If everyone could get to their seats, the ceremony is about to begin.

"If everyone could get to their seats, the ceremony is about to begin."

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-I guess I'll see you later. -Sounds good.

"-I guess I'll see you later. -Sounds good."

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Friends, family, and loved ones,

"Friends, family, and loved ones,"

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we gather today to celebrate the marriage of Jonathan and Jonathan.

"we gather today to celebrate the marriage of Jonathan and Jonathan."

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Two halves joining to create one long, happy life together.

"Two halves joining to create one long, happy life together."

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I'm okay.

"I'm okay."

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Jonathan, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?

"Jonathan, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

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-I do. -And Jonathan?

"-I do. -And Jonathan?"

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I do.

"I do."

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And now the rings.

"And now the rings."

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They symbolize your commitment to each other

"They symbolize your commitment to each other"

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and a daily reminder that you are a family.

"and a daily reminder that you are a family."

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My best friend.

"My best friend."

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-My heart. -Forever.

"-My heart. -Forever."

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-Yeah! -Hup!

"-Yeah! -Hup!"

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-Mazel tov!

"-Mazel tov!"

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I now pronounce you husband and husband.

"I now pronounce you husband and husband."

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You may kiss your Jonathan.

"You may kiss your Jonathan."

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Only one percent of men get breast cancer.

"Only one percent of men get breast cancer."

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That is not the one percent I aspired to be in.

"That is not the one percent I aspired to be in."

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Well, I had a scare three years ago, and I had just had 'em lifted.

"Well, I had a scare three years ago, and I had just had 'em lifted."

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Eight grand to perk these babies up, and now you find some funny cells?

"Eight grand to perk these babies up, and now you find some funny cells?"

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But they radiated the fuck outta that bitch, and I'm totally fine now.

"But they radiated the fuck outta that bitch, and I'm totally fine now."

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You will be too, sweetie.

"You will be too, sweetie."

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Stage-one tumors are very responsive to treatment. Survival rate is nearly 90%.

"Stage-one tumors are very responsive to treatment. Survival rate is nearly 90%."

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First-year med student at Columbia.

"First-year med student at Columbia."

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He's going to be a doctor too? Oh, so it's official.

"He's going to be a doctor too? Oh, so it's official."

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There is no God.

"There is no God."

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All you got goin' on, what are you doin' with this geezer?

"All you got goin' on, what are you doin' with this geezer?"

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-I know, right? -Yeah.

"-I know, right? -Yeah."

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But I'm kind of crazy about him. I guess you could say I'm an old soul.

"But I'm kind of crazy about him. I guess you could say I'm an old soul."

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Oof, don't tell Billy that. You're already at the cutoff.

"Oof, don't tell Billy that. You're already at the cutoff."

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Hey, did you talk to Colin about the apartment?

"Hey, did you talk to Colin about the apartment?"

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I was going to, and then the ceremony started.

"I was going to, and then the ceremony started."

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Maybe I'll go over now. His table looks pretty empty.

"Maybe I'll go over now. His table looks pretty empty."

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It's okay to say hello to him, by the way.

"It's okay to say hello to him, by the way."

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He's done his time.

"He's done his time."

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-I'm commuting his sentence. -Seriously?

"-I'm commuting his sentence. -Seriously?"

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Yeah. It's just too exhausting to stay mad anymore.

"Yeah. It's just too exhausting to stay mad anymore."

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Come here. I'm so proud of you.

"Come here. I'm so proud of you."

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-Mwah!

"-Mwah!"

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Was it something you said? Where is everybody?

"Was it something you said? Where is everybody?"

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You got the friends table.

"You got the friends table."

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I got the gay singles table.

"I got the gay singles table."

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I think they're in the bathroom doing blow.

"I think they're in the bathroom doing blow."

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Note all the untouched plates of food.

"Note all the untouched plates of food."

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At least you'll get to take home the centerpiece.

"At least you'll get to take home the centerpiece."

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No, not necessarily. There's a twitchy shoe salesman who's got his eye on it.

"No, not necessarily. There's a twitchy shoe salesman who's got his eye on it."

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Although that might be just a fetching little tic.

"Although that might be just a fetching little tic."

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Oh, sounds promising!

"Oh, sounds promising!"

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-Um…

"-Um…"

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Anyway, there's this little business thing that I would like to--

"Anyway, there's this little business thing that I would like to--"

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Everyone, the mother of Puerto Rican Jonathan wants to make a toast!

"Everyone, the mother of Puerto Rican Jonathan wants to make a toast!"

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First, let me say I'm thrilled

"First, let me say I'm thrilled"

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that after 12 years, one child,

"that after 12 years, one child,"

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and six trips to Mykonos that could have been honeymoons…

"and six trips to Mykonos that could have been honeymoons…"

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…these boys are finally making it legal!

"…these boys are finally making it legal!"

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Though, as a devout Catholic,

"Though, as a devout Catholic,"

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I'm not sure that them living in sin was my biggest problem.

"I'm not sure that them living in sin was my biggest problem."

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-Gay joke. -Yeah.

"-Gay joke. -Yeah."

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But I really wanna thank

"But I really wanna thank"

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their very good friends, Michael and Colin,

"their very good friends, Michael and Colin,"

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who I see right there,

"who I see right there,"

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for splitting up,

"for splitting up,"

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because it scared my son into marrying Jewish Jonathan

"because it scared my son into marrying Jewish Jonathan"

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after seeing how easily a relationship can end

"after seeing how easily a relationship can end"

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without the threat of divorce hanging over it!

"without the threat of divorce hanging over it!"

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-Glad we could help! -Hear, hear.

"-Glad we could help! -Hear, hear."

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Cheers, everyone!

"Cheers, everyone!"

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-Cheers.

"-Cheers."

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Wh--

"Wh--"

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A little unexpected attention. Thanks, Tipsy Teresa.

"A little unexpected attention. Thanks, Tipsy Teresa."

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At least something good came out of our breakup.

"At least something good came out of our breakup."

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You know, I always thought if we ever did this, got married,

"You know, I always thought if we ever did this, got married,"

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it would be just the two of us.

"it would be just the two of us."

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No walk down the aisle, no party. Just… private.

"No walk down the aisle, no party. Just… private."

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I guess I'm glad we didn't.

"I guess I'm glad we didn't."

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If we were to end up where we are,

"If we were to end up where we are,"

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getting married wouldn't have prevented you from becoming unhappy.

"getting married wouldn't have prevented you from becoming unhappy."

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I don't know that I was unhappy… exactly. It's just…

"I don't know that I was unhappy… exactly. It's just…"

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