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Clips from The Goldbergs - Baio and Switch (S03E03)

"he'll ditch Willie Aames and fly me to Hollywood"
The Goldbergs
"so I never have to talk to you people again."
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"This is bullcrap. Just 'cause your crazy-hot mom is in charge,"
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"you guys both get dibs?"
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"Please, Mrs. Goldberg, pick me."
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"I really need a win. So bad."
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"No, I want... Mom, you have seen..."
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"Scott's hand in my hand. ...his poster in my room."
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"I bet my hands are cooler than yours if we held them together."
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"Mrs. Goldberg... (ALL CLAMORING)"
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"Stop fighting. Stop fighting. I'll sleep on it, okay?"
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"I'll sleep on it, all right?"
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"But now I have to immediately leave..."
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"Not to call Scott Baio 'cause I've done it."
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"All right, I just... I have to go and do a thing."
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"ADULT ADAM: The dance was only a day away,"
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"and I realized my plan was a dead end."
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"Pops, I watched all the shows. Two dates never works."
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"Not even on Cheers?"
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"Cliff had a date with Carla and Diane to the postman's ball."
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"It was a total junk show."
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"See, I'm not a fan of today's comedy."
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"Now, The Honeymooners..."
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"I don't need a trip down memory lane."
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"I need help, and you said you pulled off"
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"the perfect Brady Bunch. How?"
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"Actually, the women kind of invited me."
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"We've got some advice for you."
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"Yeah, yeah, don't be a moron."
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"If you know the advice, why aren't you following it?"
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"Don't worry, kiddo. Pops always has a plan."
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"With my help, you'll be the first kid in history"
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"to juggle two dates at a dance."
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"Well, I did juggle three grapes at camp."
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"You know who's not a moron?"
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"You're not a moron."
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"You're not a moron."
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"You're not a moron."
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"No. (BABBLES)"
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"ADULT ADAM: As Pops was convincing me I could pull this off,"
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"Erica and Barry were ready to convince our mom"
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"that they were worthy of Baio's hand."
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"Erica, what's going on?"
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"Bad dream, mama. Can we do spoonies?"
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"Oh, my god, spoonies?"
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"Get on in the warm spot, girl. (CHUCKLES)"
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"Ah."
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"This is so nice. Hmm."
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"Speaking of, um, any thoughts about Scott Baio?"
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"Uh, yeah, about that..."
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"Knock, knock."
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"Who wants brekky in bed?"
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"(GASPS) You made mama breakfast?"
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"Nobody cares because I'm spending"
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"the whole day with my favorite lady."
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"You are? Well, mom and I are spending"
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"the entire weekend together. We are?"
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"Stop doing what you're doing. You stop."
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"You're only giving spoons so she'll pick you to hold Baio's hand."
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"Oh, and you're not? What's with the stupid sweater?"
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"My favorite sweater?"
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"Mommy made it for my 12th birthday."
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"I feel so handsome, Mommy."
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"You look so handsome, schmoofers."
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"She's the sun."
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"I'm the moon. You're the moon!"
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"Okay, you want to go to war? Let's go."
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"Mommy, I want you to pick out a guy for me to date and marry."
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"That is my dream. No, no, no! Not so fast."
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"I've been thinking about it, and I'm gonna let you dance with me"
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"before I dance with my bride at my wedding."
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"That is also my dream, but I also get to wear white."
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"That's non-negotiable. Yes!"
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"I'm gonna have five kids,"
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"and I want you to babysit every night and tell me what to do."
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"You will live with me forever."
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"I will build a mother suite off the master bedroom"
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"even if it severely damages my marriage."
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"(GASPS) I'm out."
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"It's too rich for my blood."
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"Yes! I win!"
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"Oh, no, what have I done?"
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"Future Barry's problem."
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"ADULT ADAM: Despite herself, my mom loved her kids fighting over her."
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"Just one problem..."
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"She was now pulling a classic bail and switch and needed a way out."
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"We need to talk."
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"Whoa, not so fast."
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"That was a non-sanctioned sit-down. On your feet."
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"Please, I need your help. This whole thing has gotten away from me."
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"No, no, coach has washed his hands of hands across America."
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"Look, all I wanted was one photo op with my kids."
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"Now, they're fighting over my love to get to Baio."
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"That feather-haired man-boy is making all my dreams come true."
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"That's why we need to get him here instead of Philly."
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"Give up on your Baio dreams. It ain't happening."
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"It has to happen. I told the whole school he's coming here."
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"What? Why would you do that?"
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"I thought I could work my Yenta magic,"
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"but I've been calling for three days."
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"Baio's people are icing me out."
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"Well, how the hell can I help?"
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"Come on, you must have at least one celebrity lead."
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"No, I'm a gym teacher."
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"I rotate two pairs of shorts."
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"Then I guess it's over."
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"Unless you got out and you get yourself a celebrity that's better than Baio."
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"Better than Baio? Is that possible?"
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"It is with one of my patented game-day pep talks."
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"Now, listen up."
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"It's the fourth quarter. You're down by 1 point."
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"Who's gonna run the option and take it to the big house?"
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"Run the what? (SIGHS)"
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"All right. It's 11:00 p.m."
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"You just got off a flight with your family."
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"They're crabby. They're hungry."
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"You look in the cupboard."
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"Oh, all you got is one can of tuna."
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"But it doesn't matter 'cause there's only one person"
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"that can feed those babies tuna"
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