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Clips from The Goldbergs - Baio and Switch (S03E03)

"Yeah, I don't know about that whole thing."
The Goldbergs
"Hands have germs."
The Goldbergs
"Think of all those colds passing across the country"
The Goldbergs
"like a big bacteria highway. Ugh."
The Goldbergs
"Whatever. I'm doing it because it'll help people in real need."
The Goldbergs
"And I'm doing it for the celebrity contact."
The Goldbergs
"Hoping to hold hands with Heather Locklear."
The Goldbergs
"No. Alyssa Milano."
The Goldbergs
"No. KITT, the car from Knight Rider."
The Goldbergs
"You can't hold hands with a car, idiot."
The Goldbergs
"I'll hold the antenna. Wait a minute."
The Goldbergs
"Celebrities are doing this?"
The Goldbergs
"Yeah, downtown Philly actually nabbed Scott Baio."
The Goldbergs
"From Happy Days and Chachi In Charge?"
The Goldbergs
"Don't forget Zapped!"
The Goldbergs
"Where he uses his magic powers to lift girls' dresses."
The Goldbergs
"Turn that off."
The Goldbergs
"Point is this thing's gonna be a huge deal."
The Goldbergs
"It's literally going to be on the front page of all the papers."
The Goldbergs
"You mean like newspapers?"
The Goldbergs
"Like the kind that take pictures of moms and their kids?"
The Goldbergs
"What?"
The Goldbergs
"What happened?"
The Goldbergs
"I want to help with Hands Across America."
The Goldbergs
"Okay. And by help, I mean"
The Goldbergs
"push you aside and take over entirely."
The Goldbergs
"I said okay. Really?"
The Goldbergs
"I'm in way over my head. They want me to organize, make posters."
The Goldbergs
"They gave me a pen and a ledger."
The Goldbergs
"I don't know what to do with them."
The Goldbergs
"To record the donations."
The Goldbergs
"Oh, no, I..."
The Goldbergs
"I've been putting everybody's cash in a bag."
The Goldbergs
"Well, there must be thousands there."
The Goldbergs
"I don't know. I'm a gym teacher, I'm not a count teacher."
The Goldbergs
"You mean a math teacher?"
The Goldbergs
"I don't know. I'm not an English teacher, either."
The Goldbergs
"Did you at least get us a celebrity?"
The Goldbergs
"No, th... We can't compete with Philly."
The Goldbergs
"Philly is the Paris of Pennsylvania."
The Goldbergs
"They got Baio. We got jack squat."
The Goldbergs
"You should go rest."
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: As my mom was saving Coach Mellor,"
The Goldbergs
"I was racing for the one man who always rescued me."
The Goldbergs
"Dad. Yes."
The Goldbergs
"I need help. Where's Pops?"
The Goldbergs
"There he is. Thank God."
The Goldbergs
"Pops, I have two dates to the dance."
The Goldbergs
"Way to go, kiddo!"
The Goldbergs
"No, it's a bad thing."
The Goldbergs
"Oh, yeah, it is."
The Goldbergs
"No, I agreed to go with Emmy Mirsky to cheer her up"
The Goldbergs
"but Dana flew in."
The Goldbergs
"Then just tell Emmy you're going with Dana."
The Goldbergs
"She'll understand. No, she won't."
The Goldbergs
"A guy dissed her, and I saw her cry for the first time ever."
The Goldbergs
"Then just tell Dana you can't go with her."
The Goldbergs
"She'll freak out if I go with another girl,"
The Goldbergs
"even if it is Emmy."
The Goldbergs
"Then take them both. They never even have to know."
The Goldbergs
"Like Peter did on The Brady Bunch?"
The Goldbergs
"I Brady-bunched two ladies at a USO dance back in '41."
The Goldbergs
"Never felt so alive."
The Goldbergs
"Stop."
The Goldbergs
"Nobody's Brady-bunching anyone."
The Goldbergs
"You want some real advice?"
The Goldbergs
"Don't be a moron."
The Goldbergs
"Seriously? That's your advice for everything."
The Goldbergs
"It applies to everything."
The Goldbergs
"I think I'm gonna stick with Pops' advice."
The Goldbergs
"All right, time for a TV master class"
The Goldbergs
"on how to juggle two dates at once."
The Goldbergs
"First up, the gold standard..."
The Goldbergs
"The Brady Bunch, and I'm Peter."
The Goldbergs
"Because your weird voice cracks just like his?"
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: Despite that shot at my self-esteem,"
The Goldbergs
"I knew with the help of my trusty TV shows,"
The Goldbergs
"I could pull off two dates at once."
The Goldbergs
"Oh, no! Peter Brady, you blew it."
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: Or so I thought."
The Goldbergs
"No! Alex P. Keaton."
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: Each one was worse than the next."
The Goldbergs
"Jack's screwed!"
The Goldbergs
"Both women are at the Regal Beagle."
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: As we watched the same plot done on every show,"
The Goldbergs
"it became abundantly clear."
The Goldbergs
"Dude, it can't be done."
The Goldbergs
"Shut up, Dave Kim!"
The Goldbergs
"I see that."
The Goldbergs
"ADULT ADAM: As my universe as crumbling, my mom saw a world"
The Goldbergs
"where she finally got a photo in the paper with her kids."
The Goldbergs
"Yo, yo, yo, volunteers."
The Goldbergs
"Who's ready to get this homeless party started?"
The Goldbergs
"Mom, what are you doing here?"
The Goldbergs
"You're looking at the new regional captain"
The Goldbergs
"for Hands Across America."
The Goldbergs
"What happened to Coach Mellor?"
The Goldbergs
"He cracked under the pressure, but don't worry. Mama's here."
The Goldbergs
"I know how important this is for you."
The Goldbergs
"Yeah, I'm out. Me too. Shut it down, people."
The Goldbergs
"(ALL GROAN)"
The Goldbergs
"Whoa, hold up."
The Goldbergs
"Now that I'm involved, you're just gonna bail?"
The Goldbergs
"Nothing personal. You just make fun things suck."
The Goldbergs
"Well, that..."
The Goldbergs
"That is a shame because this lady right here"
The Goldbergs
"just got Scott Baio"
The Goldbergs
"to ditch Philly and come to J-town."
The Goldbergs
"Dude, we got Fonzie's cousin."
The Goldbergs
"(ALL CHEERING)"
The Goldbergs
"No, everyone stop."
The Goldbergs
"Mom, did you really get Scott Baio?"
The Goldbergs
"I literally just got off the phone with Scotty B."
The Goldbergs
"He told me to call him Scotty B."
The Goldbergs
"And he agreed to come here and hold hands with me."
The Goldbergs
"I call the one available hand."
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"No way! The hand is mine!"
The Goldbergs
"Okay, this is my future husband. Why do you care?"
The Goldbergs
"'Cause he's my future best bro."
The Goldbergs
"And once Scott meets me,"
The Goldbergs
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