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Clips from Veep - Data (S04E04)

"using stolen government data."
Veep
"Well..."
Veep
"that's a federal crime."
Veep
"- Yes. - Yes, it is."
Veep
"You could go to jail."
Veep
"Yes, ma'am, we could go to jail."
Veep
"Yeah, you could go to jail."
Veep
"(Sighs) Wow."
Veep
"We're fucked? Is that what this is?"
Veep
"I'm afraid it's spread to the liver fucked?"
Veep
"Ma'am, we think it was a student volunteer with a pal at HHS, but he's gone now."
Veep
"If we can just hold our nerve and maintain a bunker mentality..."
Veep
"Don't give me that bunker shit."
Veep
"Hitler went into a bunker."
Veep
"When he came out, he wasn't chancellor anymore, was he?"
Veep
"Plus he was dead."
Veep
"I'll tell you something, if he were alive right now,"
Veep
"he'd be very anxious to distance himself from me at this moment."
Veep
"We need to keep this within these four..."
Veep
"Or this one curved wall."
Veep
"We need to stop the press dead so they don't dig into this any further."
Veep
"And that means a major resignation."
Veep
"A face. Although, if you operate last in, first out, I'm screwed."
Veep
"Ma'am, I have a proposal I need to speak with you about."
Veep
"Okay, fine. Amy, Ben, you stay."
Veep
"Everybody else, just get out."
Veep
"(Sighs)"
Veep
"I need to be the one to go."
Veep
"You? No, no. Uh-uh."
Veep
"Yes, Madam President."
Veep
"This is a head-on collision and I'm your biggest air bag."
Veep
"Okay, so we need to issue a positive statement about the HIV girl."
Veep
"Not positive. Wrong word."
Veep
"Mike, did I see you smiling when it was suggested I might be fired?"
Veep
"Me? No. I... I wasn't smiling."
Veep
"I was stretching my lips because I have very dry lips,"
Veep
"and my doctor said, You should probably stretch them."
Veep
"So I was following medical advice. Like..."
Veep
"- Like that. - That's what you're going with?"
Veep
"Wow. Listen, you ever play poker, I want in,"
Veep
"'cause you are one terrible liar."
Veep
"And that's sad 'cause that's your whole job."
Veep
"Why are you using the urinal next to me?"
Veep
"- You leave a gap. - I've already started."
Veep
"The little one gives me splash-back."
Veep
"Still, you leave a gap. We're not piss buddies."
Veep
"Damn, that's some kind of prostate control."
Veep
"Treasure it, my friend."
Veep
"So, you want to know if the president told me who she's firing, right?"
Veep
"- Yeah. - It's me."
Veep
"You don't tell anyone until she's made an announcement."
Veep
"- You got it? - Yeah, not a word."
Veep
"You swear by everything you hold dear in your hand right now?"
Veep
"I do."
Veep
"I swear on King Danny."
Veep
"This is an Easter egg roll and I just see baskets with no eggs."
Veep
"Gary, front row for the story reading"
Veep
"needs to be the children with the strongest bladders."
Veep
"- I don't even know what that means. - Mike: Guys."
Veep
"- Oh, thank God. - Why am I carrying eggs, huh?"
Veep
"- I'm up to my eyeballs in HIV. - No, no, don't give them to me."
Veep
"There's a six-foot bunny out there with 30 spoons. You can't miss him."
Veep
"- It's Ben. - No way."
Veep
"No, who's getting fired, Mike."
Veep
"- What? - Yeah."
Veep
"Girl: I found another one."
Veep
"Well, thank you for your service, Greg."
Veep
"Very happy to have one of my Marines in costume."
Veep
"- You're welcome, ma'am. - Actually, I'm really glad you're here."
Veep
"These kids terrify me. (laughs)"
Veep
"But I guess you've seen worse."
Veep
"You did two tours of Afghanistan?"
Veep
"Yes, ma'am. I saw my best buddy die over there."
Veep
"Blown to pieces by an IED."
Veep
"Mr. Egan. You have a moment?"
Veep
"- Sure. - Ben: Yeah, I'll call you back."
Veep
"- Hey, Dan. - I thought you resigned."
Veep
"I guess the president changed her mind."
Veep
"It's a fickle world, my friend,"
Veep
"and you've just been fickled."
Veep
"No. No, this is not... This is not real."
Veep
"You're right, Dan. It's a dream."
Veep
"And me and Kent are about to turn into"
Veep
"two horny cheerleaders and start making out."
Veep
"So am I fired? Please, Ben, don't say that I'm fired."
Veep
"- You're not fired. - Oh, thank fuck for that."
Veep
"- Because you've just resigned. - It's a perfect fit."
Veep
"Worked on the Families First bill"
Veep
"and handsome, therefore guilty-looking."
Veep
"No, no. No."
Veep
"I know about the targeting of bereaved families"
Veep
"and the use of federal data."
Veep
"You listen to me, you little fucking turd's assistant."
Veep
"You don't threaten this administration"
Veep
"because we will fucking destroy you."
Veep
"We'll skin you like a squirrel,"
Veep
"clean you out like a dirty fucking chimney,"
Veep
"and wear you like a glove puppet with my fingers"
Veep
"sticking out of your dead fucking eyeballs."
Veep
"I cannot endorse that message,"
Veep
"but I do acknowledge it."
Veep
"Come inside."
Veep
"- (Applause) - Hi, boys and girls."
Veep
"Now, once upon a time,"
Veep
"there were three little pigs"
Veep
"with their mom, who was an old sow."
Veep
"And she sent them out to seek their fortune."
Veep
"Yeah, you know what? I, uh..."
Veep
"I think I'm gonna need a bigger title before I agree to resign."
Veep
"How about Captain Loser?"
Veep
"Or Big Chief Skidmark?"
Veep
"And the president will be making another apology"
Veep
"personally to the family of Jennifer Graham."
Veep
"She is a young girl who did not ask to become a national debating point."
Veep
"I must be their front-runner. I already did the job for three years."
Veep
"- Amy. - I got to go."
Veep
"Ben's not going. It's Dan."
Veep
"Mike's about to saw off the healthy leg."
Veep
"Oh, fuck!"
Veep
"You can be sure that the president is taking steps"
Veep
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