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Clips from The Great North - Good Beef Hunting Adventure (S02E02)

"- You know about the Beef Hunt? - Yeah."
The Great North
"Wolf told me that when you were kids,"
The Great North
"every Thanksgiving your dad would send you"
The Great North
"on an elaborate hunt to test your outdoor survival skills."
The Great North
"It's like The Amazing Race meets Survivor,"
The Great North
"but without a sexy middle-aged host."
The Great North
"- Yup, just a sexy, middle-aged dad. - Wolf, no."
The Great North
"The winner gets the Beef Belt"
The Great North
"and they get to say the swear word of their choice at dinner."
The Great North
"When I was ten, I said "taint.""
The Great North
"I had no idea what it meant, but I'll never forget the feeling."
The Great North
"And this is the perfect day for the competition,"
The Great North
"because I'm still furious"
The Great North
"none of you guys let me learn my poem!"
The Great North
"It's gonna feel extra nice when I destroy you all!"
The Great North
"Ha-ha! No way. I'm gonna absolutely smash you guys."
The Great North
"Uh, but respectful."
The Great North
"Respect is for Helen Hunts and Bonnie Hunts."
The Great North
"- This is the Beef Hunt, damn it! - Shouldn't you be back"
The Great North
"making Michigan hot dog baked brie blasts for Crispin?"
The Great North
"You wish I'd drop out."
The Great North
"I'm gonna Michigan hot dog baked brie blast you guys"
The Great North
"- out of the water. - Loving the trash talk, guys."
The Great North
"- Where are we running to? - The big field."
The Great North
"That's where the first challenge always is."
The Great North
"Ooh. Are there gonna be booby traps?"
The Great North
"Aah! - Moon!"
The Great North
"Don't look back-- it's every man or woman"
The Great North
"for himself or herself during the Beef Hunt."
The Great North
"- That's right. - Moon, you caught up already?"
The Great North
"Yeah, I learned a new swear last month,"
The Great North
"and I'm really motivated to say it out loud."
The Great North
"All right,"
The Great North
"clearly Wolf and Honeybee need their space back,"
The Great North
"and in order to get it, they need this toilet back."
The Great North
"So I am going to fix it."
The Great North
"It's just a toilet. You use one of these"
The Great North
"every four days-- nothing to be afraid of."
The Great North
"Nope."
The Great North
"Huh, looks like a food challenge."
The Great North
""This first competition could be a bit hairy."
The Great North
"To do it you'll each have to eat ten bowls of cranberry.""
The Great North
"What does this have to do with surviving"
The Great North
"in the wild on the first Thanksgiving?"
The Great North
"- Oh, you guys are already eating."
The Great North
"All done! I won!"
The Great North
"I get the winner's envelope and probably some huge advantage."
The Great North
""Congratulations, you finished your food."
The Great North
"Now you must wait for the rest of the brood"?"
The Great North
""When all of your brothers and sisters are done,"
The Great North
"head to the rock that looks like Danson.""
The Great North
"Ugh! I finished first and now I have to wait for all of you?"
The Great North
"- That sucks. - Who's Dan's son?"
The Great North
"No, Ted Danson. We have a rock that looks just like him."
The Great North
"Ooh! He's on my famous freebies list!"
The Great North
"Wolf, you can't get mad if I kiss that rock."
The Great North
"You won't be the first."
The Great North
"Thanks for coming over to help me."
The Great North
"That's okay. I'm going to my daughter's house"
The Great North
"for Thanksgiving this year, so I don't have to cook."
The Great North
"And I never miss a chance to bowl-browse."
The Great North
"Boy, she ain't much to look at,"
The Great North
"but she'll get it done, am I right?"
The Great North
"This all seems pretty simple."
The Great North
"I'm surprised you can't handle it."
The Great North
"I don't like toilets. No offense."
The Great North
"I'm not a toilet. What bugs you about 'em?"
The Great North
"That they look kind of like pelicans,"
The Great North
"so when you sit down it's like you're sitting"
The Great North
"- in a pelican's mouth? - Uh, no."
The Great North
"It was years ago. I was fixing a toilet,"
The Great North
"a pipe burst, and a very tiny piece of poop"
The Great North
"flew through the air and into my... my mouth!"
The Great North
"I spit it out and gargled with vodka."
The Great North
"Then I googled "full mouth replacement surgery,""
The Great North
"but they only do it in Romania."
The Great North
"Yeesh! Is that all? You got your brown wings."
The Great North
"- Happens to me all the time. - Wait, all the time?"
The Great North
"Look, Beef, I can't do this job for you."
The Great North
"- Why not? - Because then you'll always need me to fix it."
The Great North
"You have to face your fear of the toilet."
The Great North
"- And I'll train you to do it. - What if,"
The Great North
"instead, you fix my toilet, and I peer over your shoulder"
The Great North
"and say, "Ooh, ah, great job"?"
The Great North
"No, thanks. You know I only like compliments"
The Great North
"if they're specifically about my looks."
The Great North
"- You're beautiful. - Obviously."
The Great North
"But you're still fixing that toilet."
The Great North
"- There it is! - That is one handsome Sam Malone stone."
The Great North
"I feel like I'm at Cheers."
The Great North
"Look. This stack of cards has my name on it."
The Great North
"- It says I'm supposed to host a trivia quiz. - Trivia quiz?"
The Great North
"This doesn't sound like Dad at all."
The Great North
"Maybe he was in a hurry"
The Great North
"and downloaded another family's hunt off the Internet."
The Great North
"Other families don't do this, guys."
The Great North
"Okay, everybody line up and make a buzzing noise"
The Great North
"if you think you know the answer."
The Great North
""Where did Judy put her Frida Kahlo"
The Great North
"and Emily Dickinson dolls when she was five, and why?""
The Great North
"- Honk! I mean, uh, buzz! - Wolf!"
The Great North
"- Ugh! - She hid them in the refrigerator"
The Great North
"so they could do their important work without being subject"
The Great North
"to the patriarchal gaze of Ham's Ninja Turtles."
The Great North
"Correct. Now I hand you the card."
The Great North
"Question two."
The Great North
"Correct. Correct."
The Great North
"Oof. That's upsetting, but it's correct."
The Great North
"Correct."
The Great North
"Okay, last question."
The Great North
"-"This was Moon's favorite snack when he was four." - Buzz!"
The Great North
"A ham sandwich. And he'd make aggressive eye contact"
The Great North
"with Ham while eating it."
The Great North
"I thought the meat came from his back."
The Great North
"- Ding-ding-ding! - Yes! I got the most right!"
The Great North
"Suck it! Give me the winner's envelope."
The Great North
"Ooh, what do I get? A head start or...?"
The Great North
"Eh. This is just a note."
The Great North
""Winning this round isn't that hard."
The Great North
"Take a look at the back of your cards.""
The Great North
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