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Clips from Archer - Archer: 1999 -- Cubert (S10E10)

"Lana: So, again, I just want it on record"
Archer
"I'm 100% against this."
Archer
"Pam: Aw, you're 100% against everything cool."
Archer
"Lana: No, I'm not. Shut up."
Archer
"Like what? Pam: Um, Ranch Tub."
Archer
"Lana: Oh, for the-- Krieger: Come on, man."
Archer
"Cheryl: Everybody was against Ranch Tub!"
Archer
"- Seriously, Pam, quit trying to make Ranch Tub happen."
Archer
"Malory: Do I even want to know what that is?"
Archer
"- Only if you neverwant to eat ranch again."
Archer
"Malory: I meant ranch. Lana: What?"
Archer
"Malory: That's a food? Lana: It's not important."
Archer
"- I wouldn't go that far. - Can we please--"
Archer
"- Cyril, shut up. Lana: Seriously."
Archer
"Come on, if we're gonna do this, let's do it already."
Archer
"We're sitting ducks with you two out there."
Archer
"- Well, whose fault is that? Lana: What? Yours!"
Archer
"You made us stop on the way to Earth for the damn thing."
Archer
"- Exactly, and everybody remember that"
Archer
"when it's time to divvy it up."
Archer
"Malory: Do you think it's worth anything?"
Archer
"- Hmm, hard to say."
Archer
"[blooping]"
Archer
"I've never seen anything like it."
Archer
"- So you just jam itwith my new pen?"
Archer
"- This is new, this pen right here?"
Archer
"- Yes, as a matter--[scoffs]"
Archer
"You know... Cheryl: Ooh."
Archer
"Maybe it's ambergris."
Archer
"- How could it be ambergris?"
Archer
"Cheryl: If a whale puked it up, duh."
Archer
"- Oh, a space whale?"
Archer
"Cheryl: I don't know all the types of whale!"
Archer
"- And yet somehow you know about ambergr--"
Archer
"Pam: Oh, maybe its mithril!"
Archer
"Malory: Is that some other food?"
Archer
"- No! And it's not mithril."
Archer
"Pam: Just checking."
Archer
"Lana: Whatever the hell it is,"
Archer
"just box it up"
Archer
"and let's go already!"
Archer
"- All right! Jesus!"
Archer
"So what do you think, Cyril?"
Archer
"- [sighs]About what?"
Archer
"- Is it firm enough to shove in the box?"
Archer
"[chuckles] Nobody?"
Archer
"Pam: What, like "space phrasing"?"
Archer
"- [sighs] No. Never mind."
Archer
"[main title theme]"
Archer
"♪"
Archer
"[Geiger counter crackling]"
Archer
"- And radiation levels are..."
Archer
"normal... across the spectrum."
Archer
"- Well, keep testing.Radiation's just one danger."
Archer
"That thing could be carryingdeadly bacteria"
Archer
"or some kind of virus. - First of all--"
Archer
"- Bacteria and virus are the same thing, dummy."
Archer
"- No, they're not. - Shut up."
Archer
"Krieger? - They are not."
Archer
"- Oh, well, what am I thinking of?"
Archer
"- Space whores,presumably."
Archer
"- Well, right then, I was, but--"
Archer
"- Hey, nobody gets out of thereuntil I'm sure"
Archer
"that thing's not a hazard to the ship,"
Archer
"so the longer you dick around,"
Archer
"the longer you're gonna stay in quarantine."
Archer
"Any questions? - What the--"
Archer
"Pam: Yeah, are you doinks done yet?"
Archer
"'Cause I wanna checkthat crazy thing out."
Archer
"- Pam! - What?"
Archer
"- You just broke quarantine, dumbass."
Archer
"So if there's anything deadly on it,"
Archer
"now the entire ship's infected."
Archer
"- Yeah, but you wouldn't have been."
Archer
"- What? - Helmet, genius."
Archer
"- [sighs] God damn it."
Archer
"[warbling]"
Archer
"- I'm gonna call him Cubert!"
Archer
"Krieger: Okay, that was the last test."
Archer
"And I can confidently say that the object poses"
Archer
"no nuclear, chemical, or biological threat"
Archer
"to the ship or crew."
Archer
"- [sighs]Not that we could've"
Archer
"done anything about itif it did,"
Archer
"thanks to Pam."
Archer
"- You are welcome."
Archer
"- Hey, can we take a second?"
Archer
"Isn't it crazy that that little scanner"
Archer
"can do all those wildly different tests?"
Archer
"I mean, come on. - Yeah, pretty great."
Archer
"- Yes, hooray for everything. Now, what's it worth?"
Archer
"- Well, that, I can't say."
Archer
"I don't even know what elements it's made of..."
Archer
"[laughs] Assuming they're even known to us."
Archer
"I'll have to do many more tests to--"
Archer
"- Ooh, here's a test."
Archer
"Cut the damn thing open and--"
Archer
"[all gasp] Krieger: Whoa, hey!"
Archer
"- Cool! - Holy shit! It's magnetic!"
Archer
"- No, I don't think so."
Archer
"There's metal all overthe place in here, so--"
Archer
"- Oh, my God! Our fillings!"
Archer
"- What are you talking about? - [groans]"
Archer
"- A, fillings are nonferrous, so--"
Archer
"- [muffled yelling]"
Archer
"- So-- - [muffled yelling]"
Archer
"- So even if it were magnetic--"
Archer
"- It's not gonna eatyour damn fillings."
Archer
"- [muffled muttering]"
Archer
"- But I don't thinkit is a magnet."
Archer
"See? - Well, then how..."
Archer
"- Okay, um,pick up another scalpel."
Archer
"- And? - Huh."
Archer
"Well, I had a theory--"
Archer
"- [muttering mockingly]"
Archer
"- Damn it, woman!If you don't--"
Archer
"Ah! Lana: Oh, shit."
Archer
"Krieger: [clears throat]"
Archer
"That it was reactingto a weapon."
Archer
"- [gasps] Then let's kill it! Kill it!"
Archer
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