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Clips from Archer - Caught Napping (S11E11)

"[ominous music]"
Archer
"Archer: Where... where am I?"
Archer
"Was a... airplane?"
Archer
"I've been taken. Step one: find a weapon."
Archer
"Ugh. Step two."
Archer
"Sit up slower."
Archer
"[bottle smashes]"
Archer
"Step three. Find a‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Uh, I heard a‐‐ [yelps]"
Archer
"‐ Hostage, I was about to say."
Archer
"Great timing on my part."
Archer
"You? Needs work, buddy."
Archer
"‐ Why are‐‐ ‐ Say nothing."
Archer
"‐ If you make a sound,"
Archer
"I will draw this surprisingly nice champagne bottle"
Archer
"slowly across your jugular,"
Archer
"sending an arcing spray of crimson life across the cabin."
Archer
"Which would be a painful but undeniably fancy way to go."
Archer
"Pros and cons."
Archer
"Now, not to get all Gort about it,"
Archer
"but take me to your leader."
Archer
"All right. Turn this plane around."
Archer
"‐ Archer, what in the Sam Hill are you doing?"
Archer
"‐ Reassessing?"
Archer
"This is your plane?"
Archer
"Then why did you drug me?"
Archer
"Are you doing a secret villain thing?"
Archer
"'Cause I think we've all been expecting it."
Archer
"‐ I didn't drug you."
Archer
"‐ So you're telling me that the good old boys"
Archer
"were drinking whisky and rye..."
Archer
"[laughing]"
Archer
"like mixed together?"
Archer
"‐ Archer, please just‐‐"
Archer
"‐ I am concerned about the mental health"
Archer
"of them good old boys."
Archer
"- [gasps] - What?"
Archer
"‐ Do you think their jobs were levee‐based?"
Archer
"Okay, while that may have"
Archer
"a certain surface‐level plausibility‐‐"
Archer
"‐ Think you might let him go?"
Archer
"- Oh, right. - Asshole."
Archer
"‐ Archer, I need you to be a little less Archer right now."
Archer
"- Who could possibly want that? - AJ, your daughter."
Archer
"She was kidnapped from her Swiss boarding school."
Archer
"We're on our way to Switzerland now."
Archer
"‐ What? AJ?"
Archer
"[yells]"
Archer
"No. No time for rampage."
Archer
"- Where's Lana? - She's at home."
Archer
"Because I‐‐oh, God‐‐"
Archer
"the thing is‐‐ ‐ You didn't tell her?"
Archer
"You are so murdered."
Archer
"‐ I'm willing to accept that."
Archer
"All that matters is getting AJ back."
Archer
"And Lana would be so devastated"
Archer
"that she would make this whole thing so much harder."
Archer
"‐ It's your funeral."
Archer
"Though more likely, it's your hastily dug hole"
Archer
"next to a conveniently located drum of battery acid"
Archer
"Okay. I'll need a team for this."
Archer
"‐ That's why I brought them."
Archer
"‐ Wow. You didn't skimp, did you?"
Archer
"‐ We probably don't need all of them"
Archer
"but I'm not 100% clear"
Archer
"what specific jobs you all have now."
Archer
"Seems kind of nebulous."
Archer
"‐ Wait. Was everybody drunk?"
Archer
"‐ Oh, no. I drugged them."
Archer
"‐ [snorts] Lucky."
Archer
"[main title theme]"
Archer
"♪ ♪"
Archer
"[Pam screaming]"
Archer
"AJ! Agh!"
Archer
"- [growling] - Yeah."
Archer
"I thought she might react like that."
Archer
"‐ Pam, you need to calm down so‐‐"
Archer
"‐ [growling] ‐ [grunting]"
Archer
"Ow, my‐‐all of it."
Archer
"‐ [growling]"
Archer
"Aw, shit. Fine."
Archer
"‐ You couldn't do that first?"
Archer
"‐ This is supposed to knock out a rhino."
Archer
"‐ Yeah, a bitch‐ass one."
Archer
"- Where'd you even get that? - Oh, I don't know."
Archer
"That big‐ass pile of guns and armor,"
Archer
"and is that a rocket launcher?"
Archer
"‐ I found an arms dealer,"
Archer
"but I didn't know what you needed,"
Archer
"so I just asked him for one of everything."
Archer
"‐ Got it, need it, got it,"
Archer
"against the Geneva Conventions, got it."
Archer
"- [phone ringing] - Ooh, what's that?"
Archer
"- Who's phone is that? - It's not me."
Archer
"I don't even know where my phone's at."
Archer
"‐ Holy moly. I didn't put that there."
Archer
"‐ Hold on. Oh."
Archer
"You really did get one of everything."
Archer
"Okay, ready."
Archer
"‐ Now, they told me to come alone."
Archer
"So everyone, silence please."
Archer
"[exhales]"
Archer
"Hel‐‐ ‐ I don't know who you are."
Archer
"I don't know what you want."
Archer
"But what I have is a very general set of skills."
Archer
"Honestly, I'm great at everything."
Archer
"But the thing I'll be best at"
Archer
"in my entire life is hurting you."
Archer
"Call it a hunch."
Archer
"Sort of like the hunch you'll have"
Archer
"after I splinter each one of your vertebrae individually!"
Archer
"Where are you?"
Archer
"‐[distorted voice] Yeah, no."
Archer
"Put the kid's father on."
Archer
"‐ Well, I contributed half her DNA, so..."
Archer
"‐ Not you. The one with the money."
Archer
"‐ Hi."
Archer
"I know you said to come alone,"
Archer
"but I was scared."
Archer
"‐ Yeah, well, you guys always do that."
Archer
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