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Clips from Love Hard

"[bells jingling]"
Love Hard
"["Little Saint Nick" by The Beach Boys playing]"
Love Hard
"♪ Ooh Merry Christmas Saint Nick ♪"
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"♪ Christmas comes this time each year ♪"
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"♪ Ooh, ooh ♪"
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"♪ Well way up North Where the air gets cold ♪"
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"♪ There's a tale about Christmas That you've all been told ♪"
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"♪ And a real... ♪"
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"[woman] It's been said that, according to Greek mythology,"
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"humans were originally created with four arms, four legs,"
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"and a head with two faces."
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"But fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts,"
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"condemning humans to spend the rest of their lives"
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"searching for their other half, their soul's equal."
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"♪ She's candy apple red With a ski for a wheel ♪"
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"♪ And when Santa hits the gas Man, just watch her peel ♪"
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"♪ It's the little Saint Nick... ♪"
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"[woman] And if that's true,"
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"then Zeus is an asshole."
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"♪ Little Saint Nick ♪"
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"♪ Run run reindeer ♪"
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"[woman] Sure, dating has never really been easy,"
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"but modern dating online is even harder."
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"I keep thinking my perfect match has to be out there, just one click away."
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"- Someone kind, and honest, and ideally... - [man] Honey?"
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"[woman] ...someone that doesn't already have a wife. Am I right?"
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"♪...with Rudy to lead ♪"
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"♪ He's got to wear his goggles... ♪"
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"[woman] Despite my gut telling me that maybe I should give up altogether,"
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"along comes Ted, a Libra who likes puppies"
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"and offers to take me on a sunset sail"
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"until he ghosts me."
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"But on a positive note,"
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"I've turned my horrible love life into a successful online writing career."
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"For years, I've been chronicling my disaster dates"
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"under the pseudonym "Always a Bridesmaid.""
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"And people seem to love that I can't find love."
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"But honestly, I'm not sure how much longer I can do this."
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"How is it that everyone has found the one, and I haven't?"
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"Either I'm the unluckiest woman in the world,"
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"or my picker is broken."
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"It's both."
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"What's the one common denominator in all of these dates?"
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"It's you."
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"I beg your pardon?"
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"The common denominator is that it's a bunch of LA assholes."
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"That's your other problem. You're only looking local."
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"I had to import Mark from Ohio, for God's sakes."
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"You gotta think bigger."
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"Jesus, Nat! You only have your dating radius set to five miles."
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"You gotta look outside West Hollywood."
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"Gas is so expensive."
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"I mean, it'd be 40 bucks to get to Glendale, and that's only one way."
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"It's cheaper to do cocaine and then run everywhere."
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"- [chuckles] - Okay. Fixed it."
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"I'm gonna get a juice. Want something?"
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"Ooh yeah, uh, grab me a Green Latifah with an extra shot of wheatgrass."
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"- Oh, but no kiwi because I'm... - I... I know, you're allergic. No kiwi."
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"Sorry. Habit."
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"The last time an intern forgot, I almost died."
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"Natalie, where's my next story? I'm assuming your next date is lined up."
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"I was thinking for the next one, maybe we'll try something different. Like..."
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"Something a little bit more upbeat?"
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"Why the hell would you do that?"
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"So I don't spend another evening"
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"with a guy who was featured on an episode of Hoarders."
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"- It's making me miserable. - Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air]"
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"Everyone's miserable, though."
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"But that's why Soash Media exists"
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"to either distract people from their own lives,"
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"or to show them that things could be, you know, so, so much worse."
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"Remember, a disaster for you is a hit for me. Okay?"
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"Got food in your teeth. You might wanna... [clicks tongue]"
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"Get it to me!"
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"[traffic rumbling]"
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"[Natalie grunting]"
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"[grunts]"
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"[sighs deeply]"
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"[phone chimes]"
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"[upbeat instrumental music playing]"
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"[Roy] I'm a nude yoga instructor. Namaste."
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"[Rick] Semi-finalist on Dancing with the Stars."
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"[Vinny] Devoted feminist. Favorite movie: The Noteb..."
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"[Greg] This could be yours, girl."
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"Why don't you come over and play with..."
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"[Josh] Passionate about life and all things outdoors."
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"When I'm not traveling for work,"
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"you'll find me at home in Lake Placid, New York, planning my next move."
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"Wow!"
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"[Josh] Looking for a woman who's spontaneous and drama-free."
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"Ugh."
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"[ethereal tinkling]"
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"[Natalie] Love Actually? Worst Christmas movie ever!"
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"[Josh] Hey, Natalie."
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"So how do you really feel about my favorite Christmas movie?"
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"[Natalie] It's a movie about people falling in love based on how they look."
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"[Josh] I like to think it's a story about the triumph of love over reality."
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"I can work with that."
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"["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak playing]"
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"[Josh] So, what's your favorite Christmas movie?"
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"[Natalie] That's easy. Hands down, Die Hard."
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"[Josh] You really think Die Hard is a Christmas movie?"
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"[Natalie] Yippee Ki Yay, I do!"
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"[Josh] Okay. Convince me."
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"Okay."
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"[Natalie] Fine. I can give you seven reasons, to be exact."
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"[Josh] You've studied this in depth."
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"[Natalie] One, it takes place during a Christmas party."
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"- [Josh] Doesn't make it a Christmas movie! - [Natalie] I have more evidence."
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"Two, it snows at the end. Number three, there are presents involved."
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"[Josh] There are presents involved in most movies ever made!"
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"You know what? I'm willing to reconsider this. I might actually..."
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"["Everyday" by Ada Pasternak continues]"
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"Holy shit! I mean, this guy is, like, friggin' hot."
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"He knows the difference between there and they are, which you'd be surprised by."
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"He's Asian-American and speaks three languages."
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"He's a world traveler but hasn't been to any places on the watch list."
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"- So really there's only one con. - What?"
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"You've never seen him."
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"Come on. [chuckles] There's six pictures on his profile."
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