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Clips from The Man from Toronto

"Oh. Mm-hmm."
The Man from Toronto
"Mm-hmm."
The Man from Toronto
"Okay, here we go."
The Man from Toronto
"Here we go. Uh…"
The Man from Toronto
"Hey, world."
The Man from Toronto
"I'm Teddy Jackson, and I wanna welcome you to Teddybands."
The Man from Toronto
"Ha-ha!"
The Man from Toronto
"All right, listen, weights are about to be no more."
The Man from Toronto
"It's all about the bands."
The Man from Toronto
"Why? Because this is where you get the best resistance."
The Man from Toronto
"You can stretch it, do whatever you want with it."
The Man from Toronto
"The best thing is to get you some reps in there though."
The Man from Toronto
"-Get a lot of reps to where you feel it."
The Man from Toronto
"Shit, I felt it. Goddamn."
The Man from Toronto
"It's my eye. It got me right on the side of the eye. Dammit."
The Man from Toronto
"One hundred."
The Man from Toronto
"What's up, world?"
The Man from Toronto
"Teddy Jackson here, welcoming you to Teddyburn,"
The Man from Toronto
"where I'm introducing two pieces of non-breathable plastic."
The Man from Toronto
"Think about five garbage bags wrapped up into two good pieces,"
The Man from Toronto
"where you just can't let nothing out, except sweat."
The Man from Toronto
"Oh, man. Whoo!"
The Man from Toronto
"I'm getting dizzy. Shit."
The Man from Toronto
"Wait. Fitness is…"
The Man from Toronto
"Nah."
The Man from Toronto
"Hey, what's going on, guys?"
The Man from Toronto
"Teddy Jackson here, and I wanna introduce you to the Teddybar."
The Man from Toronto
"I already know what you're thinking. "Teddy, what is it?""
The Man from Toronto
"I'll tell you exactly what it is. It's an adjustable pull-up bar."
The Man from Toronto
"Why did I make it?"
The Man from Toronto
"Because some pull-up bars are just too high."
The Man from Toronto
"So this one adjusts to your comfort level."
The Man from Toronto
"That's right. Adjust it to the right height and pull up all night."
The Man from Toronto
"Let's go!"
The Man from Toronto
"Let's get it! Oh yeah!"
The Man from Toronto
"-Oh!"
The Man from Toronto
"Oh shit! Lori!"
The Man from Toronto
"God. Godda…"
The Man from Toronto
"Aw, come on!"
The Man from Toronto
"Lori, the…"
The Man from Toronto
"-The Teddybar fell on my head! Goddamn it! -Oh, Teddy."
The Man from Toronto
"It does it every time I'm taping."
The Man from Toronto
"You need to come up with something a little less dangerous."
The Man from Toronto
"You may not talk to me,"
The Man from Toronto
"but everybody talks to him."
The Man from Toronto
"I gotta say, it's a real honor."
The Man from Toronto
"Working on this guy the last couple of days,"
The Man from Toronto
"but he trained with French special forces so he's tough as--"
The Man from Toronto
"Shh."
The Man from Toronto
"Sorry, my, uh, wife's leftovers."
The Man from Toronto
"Before we begin I'd like to tell you a little about myself."
The Man from Toronto
"I was raised by my grandfather"
The Man from Toronto
"on a frozen lake 50 miles from nowhere."
The Man from Toronto
"He was a kind man."
The Man from Toronto
"He taught me many useful things."
The Man from Toronto
"One brisk afternoon, while we were fishing on the frozen lake,"
The Man from Toronto
"we saw a large form approaching."
The Man from Toronto
"It was a grizzly."
The Man from Toronto
"My grandfather yelled at me to run,"
The Man from Toronto
"so I took off as fast as my little legs would carry me."
The Man from Toronto
"And when I looked back,"
The Man from Toronto
"I learned the last thing"
The Man from Toronto
"that my unfortunate grandfather would ever teach me."
The Man from Toronto
"Bears have very sharp claws,"
The Man from Toronto
"which they use to fillet the skin off their still-breathing victims."
The Man from Toronto
"I share this with you because when you beg for your life,"
The Man from Toronto
"I'm not gonna hear your screams."
The Man from Toronto
"Any feeling I once had dried up on that frozen lake long ago."
The Man from Toronto
"You're wasting your time."
The Man from Toronto
"After I remove your eyes, your ears,"
The Man from Toronto
"and balls, all your sensory organs,"
The Man from Toronto
"if you still haven't told me what I need to know…"
The Man from Toronto
"-Please. -…I'm going to fillet you"
The Man from Toronto
"like that bear did my grandfather."
The Man from Toronto
"-It's Grenkin! Velvel Grenkin."
The Man from Toronto
"-275 Castro Street."
The Man from Toronto
"Velvel Grenkin, he's there, I swear."
The Man from Toronto
"I'm gonna tell my grandkids of this, one day."
The Man from Toronto
"Or…"
The Man from Toronto
"nobody"
The Man from Toronto
"ever."
The Man from Toronto
"I like you."
The Man from Toronto
"Tell your wife wild juniper's the secret."
The Man from Toronto
"Not the store-bought."
The Man from Toronto
"It looks like bunny shit, so better smell it first."
The Man from Toronto
"Who the hell was that?"
The Man from Toronto
"No!"
The Man from Toronto
"Good morning, Yorktown."
The Man from Toronto
"It's ten past eight on a beautiful Monday morning."
The Man from Toronto
"None of my kids talk to me. I don't know where they are."
The Man from Toronto
"Look who's up, huh?"
The Man from Toronto
"Happy birthday."
The Man from Toronto
"What time is it?"
The Man from Toronto
"I think it's, um…"
The Man from Toronto
"I think it's baby-making time."
The Man from Toronto
"We can do it in that position that don't even feel good."
The Man from Toronto
"It feels good for you."
The Man from Toronto
"-I'm saying, for me it's just more about… -A baby?"
The Man from Toronto
"…survival of the species."
The Man from Toronto
"-What? -Mm-hmm."
The Man from Toronto
"I'm just trying to break it down to you."
The Man from Toronto
"I hear you."
The Man from Toronto
"But you know you can't Teddy that one, right?"
The Man from Toronto
"What… What does that mean, honey?"
The Man from Toronto
"That's what they call it at the firm now."
The Man from Toronto
"If a paralegal screws up, they say they Teddyed it."
The Man from Toronto
"They named a screw-up after me?"
The Man from Toronto
"-You're actually a verb now. -Okay, listen, that's the past."
The Man from Toronto
"Why talk about the past? I wanna focus on the present."
The Man from Toronto
"Look at this."
The Man from Toronto
"Come on, look at it."
The Man from Toronto
"Onancock, Virginia?"
The Man from Toronto
"I got us a little cabin for your birthday."
The Man from Toronto
"-Tons of baby-making time. -Uh…"
The Man from Toronto
"Baby, what is this? I can't read this. There's no toner on the page."
The Man from Toronto
"It's the reservation, babe."
The Man from Toronto
"We leave tonight. It's perfect."
The Man from Toronto
"Thank you."
The Man from Toronto
"I'm not messing up your birthdays anymore, babe."
The Man from Toronto
"On a serious note,"
The Man from Toronto
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