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Clips from Bad Grandpa

"- So, forty per cent. - Yeah."
Bad Grandpa
"Is that a squirrel right there?"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, oh, oh, oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry."
Bad Grandpa
"- You got me, you got me. - Yup, I got you good."
Bad Grandpa
"- You got me. - Yup, I got you over a felony."
Bad Grandpa
"- Oh, God. - Have a seat."
Bad Grandpa
"Yes, sir."
Bad Grandpa
"- Do not get up out of that chair. - Yes, sir."
Bad Grandpa
"I apologize."
Bad Grandpa
"Get my shit off."
Bad Grandpa
"Get your shit off?"
Bad Grandpa
"Get my shirt off. Get my coat off. Get my pants off."
Bad Grandpa
"I gotta take your pants off?"
Bad Grandpa
"- You better believe it. - Well, that sounds a little weird."
Bad Grandpa
"Go in here and get the damn pants off."
Bad Grandpa
"You want me to take your pants off, that seems a little weird."
Bad Grandpa
"Thank you, kind people, for being here today."
Bad Grandpa
"I never thought my wife's funeral would be filled with"
Bad Grandpa
"complete strangers, but we've outlived all our friends."
Bad Grandpa
"I was hoping my daughter and grandson could make it but..."
Bad Grandpa
"They didn't."
Bad Grandpa
"So, I would especially like to thank the choir"
Bad Grandpa
"and caterers, and all the nice people sitting before me."
Bad Grandpa
"Thank you."
Bad Grandpa
"I wished you could have seen the young Ellie,"
Bad Grandpa
"the woman I fell in love with."
Bad Grandpa
"She was like a flash of bright light."
Bad Grandpa
"A callipygian princess who drew people to her like a magnet."
Bad Grandpa
"And for those of you who don't know what callipygian means,"
Bad Grandpa
"it means she has a nice bottom."
Bad Grandpa
"- Ooh. - She did."
Bad Grandpa
"I wish I had more time with her."
Bad Grandpa
"I wish so much of our time had not been consumed by combat."
Bad Grandpa
"I wish I'd tried a little harder to make that happen."
Bad Grandpa
"- Because she's gone now. - And our history on this earth has been written..."
Bad Grandpa
"Baby."
Bad Grandpa
"Hi, sweetie."
Bad Grandpa
"- Hi, buddy. - Hi."
Bad Grandpa
"Sit."
Bad Grandpa
"This is my daughter and grandson."
Bad Grandpa
"Can I have a word with you?"
Bad Grandpa
"Yeah, I'm in the middle of something."
Bad Grandpa
"Billy, just stay there for a second."
Bad Grandpa
"I just want to talk to your granddad outside."
Bad Grandpa
"Okay, Mom."
Bad Grandpa
"I'm sorry. Excuse me."
Bad Grandpa
"Hi, Billy."
Bad Grandpa
"What's so important?"
Bad Grandpa
"Listen, I'm sorry that she's dead and everything,"
Bad Grandpa
"but I'm in some serious shit, okay?"
Bad Grandpa
"- What is it this time? - You tell him about the microphone."
Bad Grandpa
"Don't even start that with me! Not now!"
Bad Grandpa
"Okay? It wasn't even my fault!"
Bad Grandpa
"This cop, he's got a bug up his ass,"
Bad Grandpa
"and then they give me this public defender"
Bad Grandpa
"who's a fucking idiot! And..."
Bad Grandpa
"Sir, excuse me. The microphone is on."
Bad Grandpa
"Please, just give me a moment. Just give me a moment."
Bad Grandpa
"Look, I violated my parole"
Bad Grandpa
"and now they're gonna send me to jail."
Bad Grandpa
"I just need you to take Billy across the country"
Bad Grandpa
"so he can be with his dad for a while. Okay?"
Bad Grandpa
"What?"
Bad Grandpa
"I can't have Bobby with me now. I'm in mourning!"
Bad Grandpa
"It's Billy. Billy!"
Bad Grandpa
"How am I supposed to know what his name is?"
Bad Grandpa
"You never brought him around!"
Bad Grandpa
"And when you did bring him around, he pissed every bed in the house."
Bad Grandpa
"I don't pee my bed anymore."
Bad Grandpa
"I cannot have Billy with me now."
Bad Grandpa
"I am a free man for the first time in 46 years"
Bad Grandpa
"and I can't be saddled with that cockblock!"
Bad Grandpa
"That's just fine."
Bad Grandpa
"You were never there for me when I was little,"
Bad Grandpa
"so I guess it's no different now, is it?"
Bad Grandpa
"I'm going to talk to my mom."
Bad Grandpa
"I am very sorry. Um..."
Bad Grandpa
"Everyone's very emotional right now."
Bad Grandpa
"It's a very difficult time for the family."
Bad Grandpa
"Uh... I don't know what to say."
Bad Grandpa
"Sweetie, come here. That's your mother's."
Bad Grandpa
"She told me I could have it."
Bad Grandpa
"Give me the... Give it..."
Bad Grandpa
"Don't do this in front of them! Don't do this right now!"
Bad Grandpa
"Just stop..."
Bad Grandpa
"- Oh, no! - Oh, God! Jesus!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, no."
Bad Grandpa
"Grandma?"
Bad Grandpa
"- I love you. - Oh, baby."
Bad Grandpa
"Sorry, Daddy."
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, baby!"
Bad Grandpa
"Oh, my God!"
Bad Grandpa
"Sing! Please, choir, sing something. Somebody help."
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Joy, joy, joy Down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Down in my heart, down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy. Down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Down in my heart to stay"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Down in my heart, down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ I've got the love of Jesus down in my heart"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Down in my heart to stay"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ I've got the joy, joy, joy, joy"
Bad Grandpa
"♪ Down in my heart to stay ♪"
Bad Grandpa
"Fuck."
Bad Grandpa
"Where are we going?"
Bad Grandpa
"We're going here to get on a computer call with your dad"
Bad Grandpa
"to see when he's gonna pick your little ass up."
Bad Grandpa
"And I got someone meeting us"
Bad Grandpa
"to help me and your father communicate,"
Bad Grandpa
"seeing how we don't get along."
Bad Grandpa
"Are you Mr. Zisman?"
Bad Grandpa
"- Hi. - Shirley Kreska."
Bad Grandpa
"- Nice to meet you, Shirley. - Nice to meet you."
Bad Grandpa
"Well, tell me the purpose of the call."
Bad Grandpa
"His mother is going to jail."
Bad Grandpa
"But she wanted me to get him to his father."
Bad Grandpa
"We've had lots of problems out of the father."
Bad Grandpa
"He's nearly impossible to communicate with."
Bad Grandpa
"Yes, yes."
Bad Grandpa
"I got him up on the computer now."
Bad Grandpa
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