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Clips from Orange Is the New Black - Moscow Mule (S01E01)

"Piper, that's my rinsing cup. Piper, you put a pee stick in my rinsing cup."
Orange Is the New Black
"Well, you put your pee stick in my vagina."
Orange Is the New Black
"And that's why we're in this situation."
Orange Is the New Black
"I love it when you call my mighty staff a pee stick."
Orange Is the New Black
"I think I might want it."
Orange Is the New Black
"My mighty staff?"
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"Piper, there is no it yet."
Orange Is the New Black
"I know. But if there is..."
Orange Is the New Black
"You're going to prison in three months."
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"I know. I could be pregnant while I'm in prison."
Orange Is the New Black
"What else am I gonna be doing in there?"
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"How did we go from not talking about kids at all"
Orange Is the New Black
"to starting a prison family?"
Orange Is the New Black
"People are always saying that there's never a perfect time."
Orange Is the New Black
"Okay, I'm not sure that our current situation applies here."
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"Are we at least gonna talk about other options?"
Orange Is the New Black
"You mean..."
Orange Is the New Black
"It's not Voldemort. You can say it. Abortion."
Orange Is the New Black
"Oh."
Orange Is the New Black
"Look, not... Okay, not that I'd insist, Piper. Okay? I..."
Orange Is the New Black
"Your body, yourself. It's a wonderland."
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"I just..."
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"I'm just... I'm still stuck in the mindset"
Orange Is the New Black
"that I've been in for so long. I don't..."
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"Like when Polly and Pete told us,"
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"I felt panicked for them before I remembered"
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"that people actually want to get pregnant now."
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"So you're saying that you don't want it."
Orange Is the New Black
"I want to have a family with you, Piper. Of course."
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"So, listen. You know all those conversations"
Orange Is the New Black
"that we've had about making my time in there meaningful?"
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"Well, we could, we could start a new future now,"
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"instead of waiting."
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"Piper, the baby would come home,"
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"and you would still be in jail."
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"Let's see what the pee stick has to say about this."
Orange Is the New Black
"I feel sad."
Orange Is the New Black
"I feel sad that you feel sad."
Orange Is the New Black
"He's beautiful. I mean, I don't know."
Orange Is the New Black
"That's what you're supposed to say, right? It's a baby."
Orange Is the New Black
"You have to say it's amazing."
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"I mean, you can't say,"
Orange Is the New Black
"It's amazing how much he looks like John Goodman."
Orange Is the New Black
"Okay, so tell me everything. From the very beginning."
Orange Is the New Black
"You got Polly into the..."
Orange Is the New Black
"I got Polly in, she's changing into her gown,"
Orange Is the New Black
"and she's like, Where's Pete? Yes."
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"Where the hell is Pete?"
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"So I go out and he's not in the waiting room, he's not in the lobby."
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"I look outside. He is... He's on the ground, Piper."
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"He's on the fucking pavement, wrestling with the cab driver."
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"Jesus!"
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"Yeah. He left his credit card at the bar."
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"And I can't pay the guy, 'cause of course Pete had done his whole,"
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"you know, Don't bring a cent. Your money's no good here."
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"Tonight is your night, mate,"
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"so I had to let the guy run the meter until Polly's dad got there."
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"And Polly's dad rolled his eyes, 'cause..."
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"Of course he rolled his fucking eyes!"
Orange Is the New Black
"And I'm like, P.S., dickhead, I just saved your grandchild"
Orange Is the New Black
"from being born on a gin-soaked"
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"shuffleboard table. You're welcome."
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"Did she get the extra stitch?"
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"I don't know what that is."
Orange Is the New Black
"But everyone was asking about you, Pipes."
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"I mean, everyone at the bar."
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"Literally every chance they got."
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"People like you, Piper Chapman."
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"Even people that haven't met you."
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"One of Polly's friends? She said she felt like she knows you"
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"because of how well I captured your spirit."
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"She doesn't know me."
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"That girl that you wrote about? That's not me."
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"What do you mean?"
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"Nothing."
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"Do you think that I'm a narcissist or a horse's ass?"
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"What? No, of course not. Why would you say that?"
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"I missed your party."
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"I couldn't get the dryer open."
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"And I wasn't there when my best friend had her baby."
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"It's just shitty."
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"I know."
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"I got her."
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"Come on, honey. You're not alone."
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"This room is for prayer."
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"Never heard of it."
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"We need to talk."
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"Heard about your old roommate."
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"Sent down to seg, and an extended sentence."
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"It's a raw deal."
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"Yeah."
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"I got a couple questions that I need to ask you."
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"I think you may know the answers to 'em."
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"About Red and the way that she runs her business."
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"And I would think that a smart, savvy person like yourself"
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"would know an opportunity..."
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"Neptune's Produce."
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"You wanna know how she gets the contraband in?"
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"That's it. Now leave me the fuck alone."
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"Reminder, ladies,"
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"to wash your hands, and do not share towels."
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"Clean ladies are healthy ladies."
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"I know, right? All right."
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"Later."
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"What's up, T?"
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"Yo, we gotta get some hot sauce"
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"in this bitch, like you said, man."
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"Tapatio, Texas Pete... Shit, I don't even care."
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"Yo, if that shit don't come through soon,"
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"you gotta start filibustin' the WAC."
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"I heard back from the board."
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"Yo, T, them motherfuckers don't know shit. You know that."
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"I'm getting out."
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"Wait, you ain't playin'?"
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"No."
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"Tays!"
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"Oh, my..."
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"Mail delivery will be delayed"
Orange Is the New Black
"as letters are being screened for anthrax."
Orange Is the New Black
"So, you have experience in kitchens."
Orange Is the New Black
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