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Clips from Flight of the Conchords - Drive By (S01E01)

"And he turned around and who should it be"
Flight of the Conchords
"but the badly burned Albanian boy"
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"from the day before."
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"What are you doing? I thought I killed you yesterday..."
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"...grumbled Albi quite racistly."
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"Nah, no, Albi."
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"You didn't kill me with your dragon flames."
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"I crawled to safety."
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"But I was left very badly disfigured..."
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"...laughed the boy."
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"Why are you crying, Albi?"
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"Well, all of the villagers"
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"chased me into this scary cave."
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"I think it's because I'm so racist."
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"Get your hand off my tail, you'll make it dirty."
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"They didn't chase you here because of your racism."
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"They chased me here too"
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"when I became all disfigured like this."
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"They just don't like us"
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"because... because we're different to them."
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"And at that, Albi cried a single tear"
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"which turned into a jellybean"
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"all the colors of the rainbow."
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"And suddenly,"
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"Albi wasn't racist anymore."
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"- # So they sat in the cave # - # The cave #"
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"- # And ate bubblegum pie # - # Yum! #"
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"# Albi, the Racist #"
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"# Albi, the Racist #"
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"# Albi, the Racist... #"
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"Well, not anymore."
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"#... Dragon #"
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"Goodbye. Goodbye."
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"Are you crying over the kids' show?"
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"Yes. So?"
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"- Are you crying? - Yeah. So what?"
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"So he wouldn't serve us, basically,"
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"just because we're from New Zealand."
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"Is that the norm?"
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"Well, you guys are in America now"
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"and there's a lot of "prejudism" here,"
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"especially towards people like you."
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"What do you mean people like us?"
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"You know, the... the English and whatnot."
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"- Redcoats... the oppressors. - We're not English..."
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"Be that as it may, Jemaine,"
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"you're pretty much the most disliked race in this whole country."
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"Wh... wh... what about black people?"
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"They don't like you either."
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"Neither do the Chinese, the Asians,"
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"the Polish, Russian,"
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"Croatians, even the Indians."
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"Yeah, but Dave, you're Indian. You hate us?"
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"Yeah."
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"Sometimes."
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"But you're our best friend."
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"I know."
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"You can't sit there, gotta go to the back."
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"I'm sorry. Back of the bus."
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"Why don't you get an apple from someone who doesn't hate our country, Bret?"
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"Thanks so much."
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"Excuse me, I'd like to buy this apple, please."
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"New Zealander..."
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"stop touching my fruit! It's not allowed."
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"What's wrong with New Zealanders?"
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"Hey, Neila! Can we bleach this one up?"
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"It's been infected!"
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"I wanna buy that. I'll pay for it."
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"No, not this apple, New Zealandy."
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"You can buy apples from over there..."
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"my special New Zealand section."
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"$10 apiece."
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"There's a dog in the New Zealand section."
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"Well, it's for dogs from America"
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"and people from New Zealand."
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"Yeah, you're being racist."
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"How dare you call me a racist!"
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"He doesn't mean racist. He means xenophobic."
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"Oh. Well, you're being xenophobic."
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"You know what? Just get lost, New Zealanders."
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"I'm not going anywhere till I get a Red Delicious and a banana."
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"You want a brown delicious to the face?"
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"No."
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"You wanna make trouble for me, huh?"
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"I don't. Bret was sort of driving this situation."
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"We're not going anywhere till we get an apple."
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"I'm gonna count to 10."
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"You... are you counting in your head?"
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"- Yeah. - What are you up to?"
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"- Seven. - Oh."
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"Yeah, get your shitty bikes and get out of here"
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"before I peel your beard off!"
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"# There's too many mother... uckers #"
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"#... ucking with my shi... #"
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"# There's too many mother... uckers #"
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"#... ucking with my shi... #"
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"#... uck #"
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"# Too many mother... uckers #"
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"#... ucking with my shi... #"
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"# With my shi... #"
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"# How many mother... uckers? #"
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"# Too many to count, mother... uckers #"
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"# I pay my mother... ucking rent fortnightly #"
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"# Mother... uckers at the bank trying to play me #"
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"# An amount from my account goes out on A.P. #"
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"# On A.P. #"
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"# Yeah, you know me #"
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"# Mother... ucker charge a two-buck transaction fee #"
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"# Makes my payment short, my rent comes back to me #"
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"# Minus a $25 penalty #"
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"# So you fee me 'cause of your mother... ucking fee #"
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"# Read the word on my ATM slip #"
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"# Said we're all mother... uckers #"
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"# and we're... ucking with your shi..., come on #"
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"# Too many mother... uckers #"
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"#... ucking with my shi... #"
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"# My transactional shi... #"
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"# There's too many mother... uckers #"
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"#... ucking with my shi... #"
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"# My weekly statement shi... #"
Flight of the Conchords
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