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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy's in a Love Triangle! (S01E01)

"Okay, open on Kimmy and Titus walking down the street."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus, looking amazing:"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How's your little love triangle going?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Nope. Next topic."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"How dare you?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"For the last three months, it's been,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""What's the Internet? Who's that guy?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What's Tilda Swinton?""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I have told you:"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""Tubes, the president, and no one knows.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And now you have something juicy happening..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Look, this is not fun for me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, Logan got into a fight with Dong,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because Dong likes me?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Enjoy the attention, woman."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The last time I had two men fighting over me,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I was a table at a Fire Island arm wrestling match."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Enjoy it? I feel sick to my stomach."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I mean, what do I even say to them?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is that dolphin with a bow on it?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, you wouldn't say that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wait. What?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, I wanted to apologize for last night."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I recalled that you said you like dolphins."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, don't worry. He can breathe."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He's a mammal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Where would I even put it? - Make it stop looking at me!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Unbreakable"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They alive, damn it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a miracle"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Unbreakable"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They alive, damn it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But females are strong as hell"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Unbreakable"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They alive, damn it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's a miracle"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Unbreakable"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They alive, damn it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's gonna be, uh..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you know, a fascinating transition."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Damn it"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, I truly regret my behavior,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I think I reacted that way"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because I really care about you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Well, what would the Care Bears say about how you show it?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It would depend on the bear, Kimmy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The point is, I overreacted."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm just not used to obstacles."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"When I summited Mount Everest,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I did it in my daddy's private blimp."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"To be honest, I've never even"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"seen the inside of a public blimp."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"What can I say?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm a bit of a Daddy's Boy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Is that a thing? - Of course it is."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You've heard of a Mama's Boy, right?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Although frankly I don't see the appeal."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Look, you're my boyfriend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Dong is just my friend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But he wants more than that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He wants to shoop, baby."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Shoop. - I know."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So I will tell him that I picked you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have to do more than that."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You need to cut him off completely."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You want me to tell Dong that we can't be friends anymore?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's for his sake."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"If you stay friends, he's always gonna want more."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Better to just end it now."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you know what I find helps soften bad news?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"A British accent."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"The dolphin died on the sidewalk."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"'Ello, Dong, me lad!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Poppycock!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I am rather not your friend anymore."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Tea time!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't know if I can do this."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This place is hilarious."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's so funny"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"what people who have never been kidnapped think is scary."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Talking crows?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I would have loved to meet a talking crow."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Death looms over us all."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Did I tell you? I auditioned to be a replacement mad scientist?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He gets a monologue,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and he doesn't have to clean the ladies' room."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Women are disgusting, BT-dubs."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus, I'm so excited for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm exciting."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Now, who got the role of Kimmy's boyfriend?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've officially picked Logan."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Okay. Great."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Wait."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is it gonna be up to me to teach you about birth control?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Probably. But not yet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"On our third date, Logan and I had a mishap."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Can we take this to the next level?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Of course."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, my spine! My..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Apparently all the stuff I thought I knew was way wrong."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"He passed out for a second."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So I told him I want to wait a while."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's why he went full dolphin for you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I bet nobody's made that rich boy wait for anything."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Titus, do you think it's weird"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"that Logan wants me to stop being friends with Dong?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Honestly, no."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"There's nothing worse than thinking"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"you have a shot at something"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"when everyone else knows that ship..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Ladies and gentlemen,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"your attention please."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Hold up. Is that Rick?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"There is a creature on the loose"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"in this establishment!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This monster was once my beloved creation..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Brought to life with the electrokinesis"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"of my own heartbeat."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Other men of my profession may tell you I am mad."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
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