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Clips from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt - Kimmy Kisses a Boy! (S01E01)

"- Okay. - [both] I'm in!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I got it. Meet me by the hover-car."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Awesome! Yes!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[sighs] I love you."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Me, too, dude. - Me, too."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, my gosh."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I thought it was rude when you said,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
""Troll the respawn, Jeremy.""
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But I figured that was just a new way of saying goodbye."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I've been saying it all day."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Troll the respawn, Jeremy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[laughs] First time on bath salts, dear?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So you thought that I said I love you"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"after we kissed, like, twice?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And you want to get matching tattoos?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, you don't know anything about me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're from Tampa."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You have two sisters, Liz and Sarah."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And your childhood dog was named Jellybean."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"None of that is correct."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Kimmy, I thought that this was just fun..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Me, too... I was trying to have fun,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and then I made everything weird 'cause I'm weird."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And now you're looking at me"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"like I'm Jesus's crazy stepbrother Terry."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's not in the Bible, is it?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It'd probably be for the best..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yep."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Got it."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Troll the respawn, Jeremy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Troll the respawn, Jeremy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Black, gay, and old?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Oh, I'm not even gonna know which box to check"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"on the hate crime form."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Excuse me, pal, I'm sorry to bother you, but,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"well, the last couple of days, I've been asking myself"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"some tough questions about how I treat women."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Interest level exceeded. - Wait, wait, wait!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Um, the thing is I... I think that I envy women"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because they can be with men."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I've never said this out loud before,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"but I think that's what I want, too."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"So... you want to go out for a drink sometime?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Are you asking me out, you tasty little Bob the Builder?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yeah. I am."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You can't handle this yet."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Still got it!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Call me in ten years."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is actually supposed to take that long, so..."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Cyndee."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"My fiancé and I have decided to return to Durnsville,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"the city that never sleeps."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Is that siren still going off?"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Cyndee... I'm sorry."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"- Go on. - You were right."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm not doing any of the things I said I would."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It turns out I don't even have a boyfriend."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I don't have anything."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"It's like in the Bible,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"when Terry borrowed his brother's moped."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Listen to me. Don't listen to me."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You get to live your life the way you want."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"That's the whole point of not being in a bunker."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No one gets to tell you what to do."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I think part of me is jealous of you,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"because you really do have everything you want."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You just took a shortcut to get there,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"and I can't do it that way."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"You're gonna take the road less traveled."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I guess so, Cyndee."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Even though that's exactly how you got kidnapped."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"True."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But if I'm going to do all the things I said I would,"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I need to get going."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And I know where I'm going to start."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[Don't You [Forget about Me] by Simple Minds]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm here to enroll in the eighth grade."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I'm sorry, but someone your age"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"can't enroll in middle school."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But Billy Madison did."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Yes, but Billy Madison's family was very wealthy."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"They owned Madison Hotels, a Fortune 500 company."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"But there is a GED class that meets here."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"This is perfect!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"And they have a lacrosse team!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"No, those are all flyswatters."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"Look out, world! Here comes Kimmy!"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[music continues]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"End of Breakfast Club."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"I know what it is."
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt
"[music stops abruptly]"
Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt