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Clips from Girls5eva - A.I.R.P.I.G. (S01E01)

"- Welcome to the belly of the beast."
Girls5eva
"- Next."
Girls5eva
"- Checking in. - Girls5eva talent."
Girls5eva
"- Chrissy Teigen's making ants on a log on Instagram,"
Girls5eva
"and guess whose song is playing in the background?"
Girls5eva
"You're welcome."
Girls5eva
"Blake, sometimes you just gotta let Gwen be Gwen."
Girls5eva
"Kamala, of course I can talk."
Girls5eva
"- Who is that? - Nance Trace."
Girls5eva
"Mega manager and A.I.R.P.I.G. keynote speaker."
Girls5eva
"- I bet she wouldn't lock us in a tanning booth"
Girls5eva
"and sell the footage to a Brazilian prank show."
Girls5eva
"- It definitely wasn't funny at the time,"
Girls5eva
"but then after, I was like, pff, I get it."
Girls5eva
"- Your passes?"
Girls5eva
"- Thumb drives of our new songs."
Girls5eva
"- Got 'em."
Girls5eva
"- Crazy stories for the shot jocks."
Girls5eva
"- My apartment building is like "Rear Window""
Girls5eva
"but for masturbators."
Girls5eva
"- And for the Christian DJs, I brought my acrylic nail"
Girls5eva
"that I saw the face of Jesus in."
Girls5eva
"- Okay. - Let's go blow minds."
Girls5eva
"- Yes."
Girls5eva
"- I'm Leonard Crust, and you're listening to my new single,"
Girls5eva
""I Feel Sexual about the Flag,""
Girls5eva
"featuring the DaBaby on Gazum97, the Gazum."
Girls5eva
"[airhorn] - Bull's eye, Lenny."
Girls5eva
"- DJ Squeeeb!"
Girls5eva
"- We are Girls5eva and we have some fresh jams"
Girls5eva
"we would love you to play on your show, show, show."
Girls5eva
"Fog horn sound effect. [imitates fog horn]"
Girls5eva
"- I can't take unsolicited material."
Girls5eva
"Anything could be on there, unlicensed samples, malware,"
Girls5eva
"Louis C. K. bits I'd feel wrong to laugh at now."
Girls5eva
"- But we went viral, three million views."
Girls5eva
"- Well, Toilet the Cat got 40 million views"
Girls5eva
"for getting bangs, but you don't hear her on the radio."
Girls5eva
"- Get out, Girls5eva! [all groan]"
Girls5eva
"Hey, eyes up here, my knees are a mess."
Girls5eva
"- Hello, Laurence."
Girls5eva
"- I'm just about done showing off my B-pop group."
Girls5eva
"- Your what? - K-pop's saturated,"
Girls5eva
"so I'm getting a jump on the other letters."
Girls5eva
"My boys are Bulgarian."
Girls5eva
"I found them in Little Sofia racing pocket bikes."
Girls5eva
"Anyhow, you want me to walk you around?"
Girls5eva
"I know this place like the back of my knees."
Girls5eva
"Don't look at those either."
Girls5eva
"- No, we're with Nance Trace now, Larry."
Girls5eva
"- You are?"
Girls5eva
"- You are? [airhorn]"
Girls5eva
"- Whoa, whoa, whoa, twist!"
Girls5eva
"- You didn't you say so?"
Girls5eva
"- We usually let Nance take care of details like that."
Girls5eva
"We'll have her reach out."
Girls5eva
"- How are we gonna get to Nance?"
Girls5eva
"All her security have cauliflower ear,"
Girls5eva
"including the girls. - We'll figure it out."
Girls5eva
"- When did she get Nance to sign us?"
Girls5eva
"- Could you sneak away for sush tomorrow?"
Girls5eva
"- Aw, I wish I could."
Girls5eva
"Of course, TIT turned up my whole schedule full tilt"
Girls5eva
"the one weekend you're here."
Girls5eva
"I was like, come on, Tom Brady."
Girls5eva
"Now's the time you pick to start eating bread again?"
Girls5eva
"I'm going to go sonic my veneers."
Girls5eva
"- Well, maybe I could come to your work?"
Girls5eva
"- Oh, I don't know, babe."
Girls5eva
"I think I'd be too in my head if you were there."
Girls5eva
"It's like how 95% of plane crashes happen"
Girls5eva
"because the pilot's spouse was watching."
Girls5eva
"[chuckles]"
Girls5eva
"[line trilling]"
Girls5eva
"- WTIT Tampa. Think our name is wild,"
Girls5eva
"ask about our advertising rates."
Girls5eva
"- If I wanted to have sushi delivered to my husband,"
Girls5eva
"Kev Hamlin, tomorrow, where would I have it sent to?"
Girls5eva
"- Oh, Kev hasn't worked here in several months."
Girls5eva
"You said you're his wife?"
Girls5eva
"- Uh, no."
Girls5eva
"This is a prank call."
Girls5eva
"[raspberries]"
Girls5eva
"J.K."
Girls5eva
"You should call 911 because you're burned."
Girls5eva
"[door opens]"
Girls5eva
"- Uh-huh."
Girls5eva
"Hope you weren't planning on getting any sleep tonight."
Girls5eva
"Ooh!"
Girls5eva
"Oopsie."
Girls5eva
"Well, that's your fault for being so hot, babe."
Girls5eva
"Night, night."
Girls5eva
"[gentle music]"
Girls5eva
"* *"
Girls5eva
"Bummer city, they want me to come in early AF."
Girls5eva
"That's "as Frank." That's our sound guy."
Girls5eva
"So I gotta go."
Girls5eva
"[kiss]"
Girls5eva
"Yeah."
Girls5eva
"[dramatic music]"
Girls5eva
"- [screams]"
Girls5eva
"- No! Fricking air mattress!"
Girls5eva
"Where is his real life?"
Girls5eva
"He doesn't even work at WTIT any more, Gloria."
Girls5eva
"It's all lies. We're following his Mini Coop."
Girls5eva
"Faster, old man!"
Girls5eva
"- I'm a retiree. I-I just do this"
Girls5eva
"to give my wife some alone time."
Girls5eva
"- If it's a woman, she better not be hotter than me."
Girls5eva
"And if it's a man, he'd better be hotter than me."
Girls5eva
"And if it's a sex cult,"
Girls5eva
"it'd better sweep the doc category at the Emmys."
Girls5eva
"- It's just gonna be a guy, Sum."
Girls5eva
"It's just gonna be a nice, loving guy."
Girls5eva
"Worst case, they adopted a bull dog."
Girls5eva
"- Oh, look, there, he pulled over up there."
Girls5eva
"Okay. - Do not punch him!"
Girls5eva
"* *"
Girls5eva
"- You're a cheater!"
Girls5eva
"What?"
Girls5eva
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