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Clips from The Simpsons - The Nightmare After Krustmas (S28E28)

"Actually, Parson, we all have the same boss."
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"The Metropolitan."
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"And it is his will that we come together here for..."
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"a divine intervention."
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"Look, since when is it a crime"
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"to mix Pinot Noir and Vicodin?"
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"with Sancerre and acetaminophen."
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"You can pop pain pills like cran-raisins"
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"for all we care."
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"We're here 'cause you're not packing the p-p-p-pews."
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"Oh, people have reasons to miss mass."
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"There's flu going around, the new Jeeps"
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"are in at the dealership."
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"Lot of new features, the big screen up front, where..."
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"It's not just attendance, Reverend."
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"It's that sometimes when you speak, my mind wanders,"
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"to, uh, non-religious areas."
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"(METALLIC CREAKING)"
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"Timothy, admit it. You're in a slump."
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"How many souls have you personally converted"
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"to our faith this year?"
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"Negative six."
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"You have some converting to do."
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"I haven't been heard from!"
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"And what do you have to say?"
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"Okay, I can do this."
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"I'm a good man."
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"And Springfield is nothing if not a good Christian community."
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"♪ ♪"
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"(LAUGHING)"
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"get with the pagan agenda."
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"Ha. This doggy likes me."
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"Don't worry, Ralphie, I'll shoot you off of there."
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"Uh-oh."
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"Come on guys, let's go check out"
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"this year's feature attraction:"
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"the Strandbeest."
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"Powered by the wind!"
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"Wow. Uh..."
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"or garbage?"
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"And I'll bet it's environmentally conscious."
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"(EXCITED MURMURING)"
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"Hmm. The wind is picking up slightly."
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"The Beest is built for the polite breezes of Europe."
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"(PANICKED SHOUTING)"
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"(SCREAMING)"
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"Look, Dad, I can skate backwards!"
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"Great, Sophie! Just watch out for Strandbeests!"
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"(LAUGHTER)"
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"(GRUNTING)"
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"(SCREAMS)"
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"What the...?"
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"(GRUNTING)"
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"Okay, I got to warn ya."
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"(GROANS)"
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"Sorry about this, Sophie."
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"I only get one week of custody, once a year."
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"It's okay, Dad. We'll get to know each other"
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"in this semi-private room."
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"Oh, I'll give you all the privacy you need."
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"- Ah... - (FLAT LINES)"
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"Private room!"
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"Mm-hmm."
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"I'm not in show business."
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"I'm not screwed up. I get good grades."
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"I play the French horn."
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"Good, good."
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"You know, it's funny when someone's playing it"
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"and their pants fall down."
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"(CHUCKLES) I haven't had that happen."
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"Well, don't feel bad."
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"The whole megillah is a big tzimmes."
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"Tzimmes? Megillah?"
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"It's Yiddish."
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"The language of our fakakta people."
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"Mom raised me Christian."
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"That farbissina shiksa."
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"How can you ignore the sacred traditions"
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"Hey, it was supposed to come with a side of camel."
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"Dad, you don't have to be sort of funny with me."
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"Sweetie, I know you're reaching out."
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"But to me, Christmas is just another day."
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"I usually curl up with a good bookmaker, and..."
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"Why don't the two of you spend Christmas with us?"
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"Our home isn't fancy, but we'd love to set a place"
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"Marge, we accept."
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"Can we bring anything?"
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"Guess who just came down the chimney?"
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"by watching you all the time."
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"According to a book sold separately,"
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"the Gnome In Your Home doesn't need food or sleep."
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"He lives for just one thing:"
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"to tell Santa if you're bad or good."
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"He's gonna live here on your shelf,"
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"and he never shuts his eyes."
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"Isn't that cute?"
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"You'd better be good,"
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"or he'll nibble your wittle fingers!"
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"(PLAYING "O TANNENBAUM" ON PIANO)"
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"(DOORBELL RINGS)"
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"Oh, boy, Krusty's here!"
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"A very merry Christmas,"
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"from the bottom of my heart."
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"(CALLING): Did you get the shot?"
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"Perfect, Mr. K!"
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"("JINGLE BELLS" PLAYING)"
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"Christmas is about one thing:"
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"being with family."
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"I don't want to be on camera."
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"Fine, we'll just motion-capture her in later."
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"(SCREECHING)"
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"Aww, that's my girl."
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"Oh, what a beautiful gingerbread house."
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"Wish I could make one."
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"Print, scan, copy,"
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""...when what to my wondering yes did appear...""
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"To hear me read the rest of this poem,"
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"dial 1-900-OLD-POEM."
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"$9.95 per call."
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"All I wanted was to spend the holidays with you"
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