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Clips from The Good Place - Team Cockroach (S02E02)

"I wanna team up with you guys."
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"I'm in a bit of a bind and I could use some backup."
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"So, what do you say? New best friends?"
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"all caught up on who lied to who"
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"That's ancient history."
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"circumstances have changed."
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"- Great. - Slow down, ding dong."
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"He wouldn't offer us a deal for no reason."
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"- Why? - Because, as you said,"
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"as a way to torture the four of you... psychologically..."
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"for thousands of years."
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"better than I can."
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"And she wants to start her version in 30 minutes."
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"How are we supposed to team up with you"
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"if you wipe our memories again?"
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"Easy. I'm not going to."
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"You're going to act like you've been rebooted"
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"and pretend that Vicky and the others are torturing you."
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"But then, on your own time, in private,"
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"- Sure you can, buddy. - Yes."
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"Suffice to say,"
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"If he finds out, we're all in hot water."
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"Human meeting. Bedroom. Now."
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"- Anyone have any ideas? - You know, believe it or not,"
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"Okay, stop talking. Do not talk again for 100 hours."
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"Oh, no."
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"I always trust dudes in bow ties."
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"Once, this guy in a bow tie came up to me"
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"if I put these weird turtles in my duffle bag"
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"and the guy paid me the $600."
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"Ahh!"
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"This is a trick."
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"For all we know, you three are in"
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"the Bad Place and I'm up in the Good Place,"
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"You can't. But you have to."
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"Most likely, I reboot you once more,"
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"I get punished,"
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"up to your necks in a volcano full of scorpions."
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"before we go any further."
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"Jason, I can't predict the future."
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"Jason can play with?"
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"have we been through?"
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"Every time a Janet is rebooted,"
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"that I stole to help sell the ruse."
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"I guess it didn't work, though."
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"Because you keep failing."
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"I gotta say, it took me a long time to get used to"
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"- all those times. - Why even tell us"
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"That's true. I crashed a lot"
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"Even dated a groomsman for a few months."
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"So I had to keep the name, and he got Eileen"
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"We're running out of time,"
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"and I'm your only option."
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"A lot of guys your age said that to me"
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"he was obsessed with me and he never slept"
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"There's a way to get to the real Good place."
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"It may take a while to arrange..."
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"especially since I'll have to do it in secret..."
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"Is there a business class?"
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"Us?"
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"are gonna try to join us in the Good Place?"
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"Yeah, if I stay in the Bad Place, I'm doomed."
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"Please, sir, take pity on me, I've changed..."
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"I gotta be honest, I have no idea."
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"This is definitely a trap."
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"You take a half an hour to pick out a turtleneck,"
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"and yet this you're sure about?"
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"Okay, look, I spent my whole life trying"
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"So I think I'm gonna fast forward things a bit."
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"There's a very good reason why you ended up here."
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"You never cared about the people you were helping."
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"I was saving it in case I ever needed"
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"- Tahani, welcome. - Oh, it's such an honor."
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"I actually didn't know that."
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"Please, carry on."
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"Well, next week, Kamilah will travel to Cleveland, Ohio"
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"Don't you find that remarkable?"
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"thought it was so brilliant that the Hall of Fame"
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"Sadly, I will not be attending the ceremony"
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"Perhaps we should talk more about that."
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"Don't you think she and I would be friends?"
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"and we're both only children."
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"I'm sorry, I forgot about you."
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"But I was supposed to be in Haiti being photographed"
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"helping people, but instead I delayed my trip"
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"by a day to come here and tell you off."
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"make a scene and embarrass yourself."
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"I will bring you down."
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"all I cared about?"
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"more praise and acclaim than my sister, Kamilah, so..."
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"the person I pretended to be."
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"- your innate distrust. - Lash out?"
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"No, it's not about who's better."
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"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be laughing."
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"How do I explain this?"
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"and you're cockroaches."
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"and yet, somehow, my very survival"
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"now depends on you, the cockroaches,"
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"Yeah. Or dung beetles."
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"I don't know. Something small and gross"
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"Forget about him, focus on us."
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"Kant wrote it is our duty to improve ourselves."
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"Okay."
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"- Janet? - Hi, there."
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"I'm going back to Mindy St. Clair's house."
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"you stuffed a bunch of pillows and a mop"
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"and you're literally sneaking out the back gate."
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"And by the way, you're not my friends, man."
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"We've known each other for, like, a week."
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"- Okay. - Look, bro,"
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"Good luck."
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"We're not in a hurry or anything."
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"God."
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"- Really? - Yep."
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"you found him, confessed you didn't belong,"
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"asked him for help, and he said yes."
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"Eleanor, your cocaine and escape train are ready."
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"Because that's what Chidi would do."
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"It's just... you're talking about me like I'm not here"
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"Oh, no."
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