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Clips from NewsRadio - Noise (S05E05)

"the "This Day In History" segments yourself."
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"And why is that?"
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"Can I come out now?"
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"Whatever."
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"You can tell we got a busy day."
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"If there are no other questions--"
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"I have a question. Um, what is it?"
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"Does anybody know someone who can trim cuticles"
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"without scratching your nail?"
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"Oh, forget it. She won't do cats."
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"Okay. Anybody have anything else?"
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"Yo. Joe, recognized. Go ahead."
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"Huh? You had a question. What is it?"
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"No, I was just saying "Yo"."
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"Oh, well, great. Anyone else?"
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"Oh, yeah, I have a question."
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"Is it work related?"
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"Well, it's about this meeting."
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"I was just wondering."
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"Uh-huh?"
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"When it was that you feel"
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"this whole meeting here"
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"Well, about halfway through that question."
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"Why don't we just get to work, okay?"
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"Observing Dave. Does Dave now seem a little tense? Yes or no?"
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"But, uh, like more tense than usual?"
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"Okay, all right. Look, everybody, everybody."
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"Hmm. That tickled."
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"It did. Uh. It did. But you know what?"
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"Dave's blood pressure was like 27 percent higher"
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"than it was last year. Twenty-seven percent?"
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"Yeah. Does he know about it?"
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"No, I didn't tell him. I thought it'd make him more tense."
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"into some yoga positions. Very good--"
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"Actually, probably-- probably two or three."
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"Well, why not four? Why not five?"
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"Oh, I-I left that for you, Dave."
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"It's one of those executive stress relievers."
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"Dave, when you're feeling tense, you just squeeze it like this."
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"David, I'm adopting six cats for you."
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"Oh, yeah. That--"
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"[♪]"
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"And with one final blow of the sledgehammer,"
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"the first transcontinental railroad"
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"was completed with a solid gold spike."
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"And that's what happened on this day in history."
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"to do more than just straight news."
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"Made you something, dude."
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"Dave, do you see a steering wheel on this thing?"
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"My mistake. Sorry."
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"[WAVES CRASHING]"
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"It's a white noise machine."
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"The soothing electronic noise will help you relax."
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"Those little baby machines"
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"have maybe three settings at the most."
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"Ocean Surf, Summer Rain, Alpine Snowdrift,"
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"[BIRDS CHIRPING]"
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"Is there a volume switch?"
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"Yeah. You want it louder? No, softer."
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"Oh, I'll have to get back to you on that."
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"Great."
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"[OWL HOOTING]"
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"Hey, Matthew, did you finish proofreading"
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"Didn't feel like it."
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"is now to make the great Max Lewis look good, huh?"
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"But, you're supposed-- Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba."
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"Call someone who cares."
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"Payphones are 35 cents now."
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"but it's not my fault."
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"Oh, take your time."
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"I've made 10 bucks in the last two hours."
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"Think about what he's going through."
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"You've been through that? Yeah."
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"Okay, exactly. Right. Or a friend."
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"No. No friends. Just my mom."
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"Oh, come on, Everybody has a mom. Even I know that."
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"That's the whole point of sexual relations."
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"Really?"
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"Yes. For the purposes of this conversation, absolutely."
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"He does."
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"You see? It's not so easy for him."
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"So all I'm asking is that you try and help Max a little."
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"Okay, I think I could spare a little TLC"
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"Yes. For the purposes of this conversation,"
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"the crackle of small arms fire"
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"cut through the morning air."
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"With air support from overhead,"
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"[AIRPLANES BUZZING]"
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"The battle was won."
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"[APPLAUSE]"
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"And the heroes of the United States Armed Forces"
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"celebrated well into the night."
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"And that's "Max Lewi'' This Day In History.""
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"I thought we were gonna use "La Bamba"?"
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"I can't believe you just stole my idea like that."
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""This Day In History" is my idea."
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""This Day In History," which I adored, is your idea."
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"is entirely my own."
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"Come on, we're a team."
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"I thought you would be happy"
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"that I took your good idea and made it great."
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"Giving it that Max Lewis panache."
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"And it wasn't even historically accurate."
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"Hey, awesome job in there, buddy. I am so proud of you."
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"after the battle of Guadalcanal."
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"I know. I wanted "La Bamba.""
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"Beth, get in one. Just get in one. Come on, sweetie, hon."
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"Max, you say "girls", Beth say "boys.""
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"There you go. Now there's some warm soup and crackers"
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"waiting for you in the breakroom."
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"Well, I'm pretty sure it didn't make itself."
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"Hey, Matthew? Yeah?"
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"about Max needing some mothering?"
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"Didn't mean it literally."
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"I got 'em."
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"You know what?"
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"I'm gonna grab some pictures of him eating soup."
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"[♪]"
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"all these ridiculous sound effects."
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"[WAVES CRASHING]"
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