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Clips from NewsRadio - Noise (S05E05)

"What about it? Well, uh, thank you."
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"Uh."
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"Dave seem a little tense to you guys?"
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"Dave's always tense. Yeah, I know, I know."
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"If you guys can hold him down I could force him"
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"No, no, he needs a cat."
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"Five wonderful cats."
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"What the hell is this thing?"
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"It looks like a little alien."
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"That really did the trick. Thanks."
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"What was that?"
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"It's a new segment called "This Day In History.""
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"I thought it was boring."
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"Well, right. But I didn't mean for you to do something boring."
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"Oh, last train to Boresville."
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"Listen, there's a solution to this."
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"Aren't those things usually a little smaller?"
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"Welcome to the big leagues, Dave."
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"Mm-hm. This one? Four."
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"and Yosemite Lullaby."
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"Joe, it's great, but maybe I'll try it tomorrow, all right?"
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"Do you mind turning it off now?"
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"[ANIMAL HOWLING]"
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"Nope."
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"Well, why not?"
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"Oh, so suddenly my job"
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"You know, I know he thinks that I took his job,"
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"I know that. And I'm gonna talk to him."
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"He's got a new job, he's in a new city,"
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"surrounded by people he doesn't know."
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"Okay. And how did it feel? It made me want my mom."
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"But you know what? Not Max. Because he's an orphan."
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"How?"
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"for that poor little guy."
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"All right, now that's the spirit."
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"He is kind of fuzzy, isn't he?"
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"he's very fuzzy."
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"And as the Marines took the beach on the Solomon Island"
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"and the assistance of the 101st Calvary."
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"[HORN , HORSES GALLOPING AND WHINNYING]"
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"Couldn't find the CD."
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"What idea? "This Day In History.""
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"Well, you know, you're half right."
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"The word is panache, first of all."
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"Years from now you're gonna thank me."
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"Girls. Boys."
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"You made me some soup?"
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"You."
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"Remember when we were talking earlier"
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"Well, I'm just taking a few pictures of him."
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"You know, they don't stay this age forever."
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"How long have you been listening to this thing?"
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"What difference does it make?"
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"Are you drunk?"
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"Nope. That's not a bad idea though."
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"Maybe I'll see if Beth can scare up"
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"No, you're just saying that 'cause you have a critical mind"
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"Yeah, well, that's a stone cold bummer, Mr. Natural,"
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"Hey, you wanna hear a little summer rain?"
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"Okey-doke."
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"that you might be getting too into this relaxation machine."
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"No."
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"They sent you in here because they assumed"
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"Oh. Well."
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"What?"
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"No, it isn't. But if it makes you happy, that's cool."
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"Hello."
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"I am fine. How's the weather?"
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"I-I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Dave."
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"Matthew? Yeah?"
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"Still love you."
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"Thank you."
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"I just think he's real mellow."
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"I think he's addicted to that thing."
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"Don't worry about it. It's not your fault."
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"Wait, h-h-hold it."
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"Does anyone else find the idea that you can become addicted"
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"Why do you have it pinned to you?"
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"He's acting so weird."
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"No. He's nicer than my mother."
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"Well, thank you."
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"You're a very sensitive person, aren't you?"
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"No, but you were thinking it. Why not say it?"
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"Ain't gonna stop this crazy old world spinning 'round."
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"Beth is being nice to you because she wants to somehow win"
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"It isn't true, Dave."
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"Still, don't flatter yourself. Any older man will do."
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"Shh."
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"[CRICKET CHIRPING]"
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"NEIL ARMSTRONG: It's one small step for man."
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"And welcome to "Max Lewis' This Day In History.""
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"there was a brief lull in the fighting at Valley Forge."
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"to General George Washington"
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"on the Max Lewis History Phone."
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"Yeah."
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"It sucks, dude."
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"Tell me, what strategy will you use"
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"Max Lewis History is now a registered trademark"
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"of Max Lewis Incorporated."
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"Ha. Cheap brass at best."
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"Isn't it our mission to make history"
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"fun and interesting? He's spreading lies."
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"One more listener, money in your pocket."
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"Yes. That would be Dave. Where is he?"
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"He's in his office free basing white noise."
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"a problem is what you make of it."
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"guess what it's gonna turn out to be."
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"Amen. Yeah. Oh."
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"Ooh. That hurts. Life's a bitch."
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"Hey, Max."
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"Beth, hi."
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"but Matthew thinks maybe you're"
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"I'm not good enough for Max?"
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"You've been around the block a few times."
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"to protect this little guy from all that. You said so yourself."
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"My stomach doesn't really hurt."
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"I just made that up."
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"He's not your mother."
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"Okay, this is our last chance. Just keep it simple."
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"Put 'em in and get in there."
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