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Clips from The Big Bang Theory - The Skank Reflex Analysis (S05E05)

"in parenting and child development,"
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"and all you've got is "Buck up"?"
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"Sorry."
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"Buck up, sissy pants."
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"Thanks, Mother. I feel much better."
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"If you need any more help from me,"
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"my books are available on Amazon."
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"Logging off."
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"...ninety-nine, one hundred."
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"It's like a waterfall of liquid gold."
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"My turn."
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"(sighs) You know, I don't even know what the point"
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"of me staying in L.A. is."
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"I haven't gotten a single acting job since I moved out here."
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"The closest I came was last month,"
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"I got a callback for a hemorrhoid commercial."
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"Oh, I could so see you being the face of hemorrhoids."
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"I know, right?"
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"(sighs)"
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"Maybe I should just move back to Nebraska."
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"No, I can't let you do that."
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"Why not?"
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"For the first time ever,"
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"I have a thriving social life."
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"And no pressure,"
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"but it kind of lives and dies with you."
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"Hi, Amy."
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"Can I talk to Penny?"
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"A guest in my trundle bed and a boy at my door?"
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"I wish I could tell 13-year-old me "it does get better.""
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"How did you know I was here?"
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"It's all over her Facebook page."
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"I'll take your stuff to the bedroom"
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"and clear out a drawer. Thanks."
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"No problem. Try and keep it in your pants, okay?"
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"So, hi."
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"What's up?"
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"I was wondering if you're free Friday."
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"They're having a Totally '80s Night at the Greek."
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"Hall & Oates, Katrina and the Waves"
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"and three-fifths of Kajagoogoo."
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"(chuckles): Oh."
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"Gee, that's really sweet, but the thing is..."
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"Aw, there's a thing."
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"Look, honey, I was really drunk"
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"and made a huge mistake last night."
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"We should've never slept together."
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"It's what ruins friendships."
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"You can't ruin a friendship with sex."
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"That's like trying to ruin ice cream with chocolate sprinkles."
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"Come here."
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"Just listen to me."
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"I want to go back to the way we were before."
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"No sprinkles."
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"Oh."
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"All right."
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"Thank you."
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"(sighs)"
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"Well, uh... (clears throat)"
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"as your friend, you might like to know that, um..."
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"we didn't have sex in the conventional sense."
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"Oh, God."
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"Did you pull some weird Indian crap on me?"
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"No, no."
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"After we got undressed and jumped in bed,"
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"you-you asked if I had protection."
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"Oh, you did, didn't you?"
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"Of course. I'm always packing."
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"Anyway,"
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"um, I had trouble putting it on"
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"and you tried to help and..."
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"that was all she wrote."
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"I did."
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"It was beautiful."
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"Oh!"
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"Penny, please, please promise me"
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"you won't tell anybody about this."
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"Of course I won't. No, I won't."
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"Oh, good. (exhales)"
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"Um, can I tell people that our love"
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"burned too bright and too quickly?"
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"Kind of a "Candle in the Wind" deal?"
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"Sure."
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"Cool. Can I say it fell apart"
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"because you were all, "I want to have your babies"""
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"and I was like, "I'm too rock and roll to be tied down"?"
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"Can I say I ruined you for white men?"
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"Also no."
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"Okay, just the candle thing."
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"Yeah."
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"Hmm."
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"I'll see you around."
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"Raj, wait."
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"Thank you for being my friend."
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"Penny?"
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"Mm-hmm?"
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"It's getting beautiful again."
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"All right, this is a Google Earth view"
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"of the field of battle."
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"I don't see anything."
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"Give it a second to load."
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"Okay, here we go."
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"This is us here. To the south is Professor Loomis"
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"and the Geology Department."
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"According to their Twitter feed, they're out of sunblock,"
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"which means they'll have to hug the tree line or risk melanoma."
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"That's our edge."
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"All we have to do is move quickly over this ridge,"
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"the rock-worshipping pasty-faced bastards"
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"won't know what hit them!"
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"All right, let's move out."
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"Hang on, Sheldon."
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"How could you not tell me your sister was moving back to India?"
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"Maybe he was too busy writing clumsy penis metaphors"
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"about my fiancée."
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"Screw you."
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"That was a beautifully written penis metaphor."
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"You know what, guys, I'm not in the mood for paintball."
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"What do you say we just bag it?"
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"- Fine with me. - Sure, whatever."
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