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Clips from Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Ted (S02E02)

"Nothing interesting. Doesn't look like anybody works or lives here."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Something's missing here. This doesn't seem like Ted at all."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Buffy..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Is it really...? But you were..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm OK. I'm OK."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"They said I was dead for six minutes. Any longer would have caused brain damage."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Why didn't they tell us? - Nobody knew."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Oh, Ted! - I know."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ted, she never meant to hurt you. You have to believe me."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"What you got in the closet, Ted?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Let's go."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- But we need evidence. - We got it."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You know what brought me back, Joyce? It was you."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ted, I think I should talk to Buffy first, before she sees you, cos I'm sure..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Do we have to worry about Buffy right now? How about Teddy? He's the one who died!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ted, I... I think you might wanna rest for a while."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You might wanna stop telling me what to do. I don't take orders from women."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh. OK, we have to get you to the hospital."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hey, you really know how to woo a girl back, don't ya?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hospital."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I think I could use a drink. Uh, to celebrate."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- We should probably be hitting the road. - Hitting the road?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"You left me once, but I keep bringing you back."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Husband and wife is forever. Forever."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Uncle Teddy..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"D'you wanna rent a movie tonight?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- That sounds like fun. - Just nothing with horror in it."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I still think he's gonna jump out at me,..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"..especially after what the police found in his house. It's just too horrible."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I wouldn't worry. He's not coming back."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Of life."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He brings her back, holds her hostage in his bunker-o-love until she dies."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"That's creepy on a level I hardly knew existed."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Willow, tell me you didn't keep any parts."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Not any... big ones."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, Will, you're supposed to use your powers for good."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- But I just wanna learn stuff. - Like how to build your own serial killer?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Absolutely. I plan to forget it all and pick up where we left off."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, that's it. I give up. Do I have to sound an air horn every time I walk into a room?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"That was her genius! He didn't know he was playing second fiddle. Buffy..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"The Captain and Tennille?!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"So, we're pretty sure there are no more Tarakan assassins coming our way?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Angel's sources say the contract's off. - How is Angel?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Better than playing naughty stewardess? - Xander!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Mom!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm sorry. I heard..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Hi."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, this is my daughter Buffy."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK, here we go!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"How'd you meet?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- And smooch them in my kitchen. - You weren't supposed to see that."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I know you're the most important thing in her life and..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Hi, Ted... Ted who's here. - Hello, kids."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Oh, what a day! Thank you. - Think nothing of it."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- With mini-pizzas? - And cookies."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Of course. Um, you need time."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"But having you constantly pokin' around, makin' puppy-dog eyes, askin' if I'm OK..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
""Ted said..." And I'm like "Great, Mom." She said I was being sarcastic."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Kiss me. - Finally something I wanna do!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ah! The dreaded five-par cuckoo clock!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Fine. I'll just go hit my ball from the rough."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Then it's a good thing I'm not in your house."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I don't know."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Check him out?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"OK."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Well, I'm not wrong here. Ted has a problem with me. He acts like I'm in the way."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"It's OK to have feelings, Buffy, and it's OK to express them."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- What are you doing in here? - Your mother told you to go to your room."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm real. I'm not some goblin you made up in your little diary."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"So from now on you'll do what I say when I say, or I show this to your mother."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Buffy, stop that! Stop it!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Yes. - But Ted never hit you?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He's a big guy."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"What was he? A demon? A giant bug? A dark god with the secrets of nouvelle cuisine?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Stupid question. I'm sorry. If there's anything you need, just ask."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Yes. Do let's bring that up as often as possible."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Well, apparently the secret ingredient is not love."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Well, let's check it out. Get our Slayer back on her feet before somebody else gets hurt."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"My bow!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Oh, God!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Let's look around."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- Any divorce papers? - Not a one."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Ted must have married young. Like, pre-school young."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I don't understand this. You were dead!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Want a little gravy with that?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"The sad part is, the real Ted was a genius. There were design features that predate..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Your mother and I thought this Saturday we'd drag the three of you to the course,..."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Well, I just wanted to... see how you were doing."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Keep your eye on the ball. Watch those elbows!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Where?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Please, Buffy, just go to your room."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Mom?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Beg to differ."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I don't know what to do. - Don't I always tell you what to do?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm not wired that way."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- I think I'm all right. - No, you're in shock."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- So we're Thelma and Louise-ing it again? - Good call."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"So I'm Ted, the sickly loser. I'm dying and my wife dumps me. I build a better Ted."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I don't want that responsibility."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"My grades?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"The paper said he fell."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He went out of his way to be nice and you couldn't say two words to him on Saturday."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Honey?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"That wasn't playin' fair, missy!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"What?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"I'm just temping for the day."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Nobody likes an overachiever. He's probably got ex-wives and families to support."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- You're home early. - Hi."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Do I have to like him?"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"He was a person... and I killed him."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Mm! These are tasty!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Here, vampires!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"But he had my diary, and I tried to take it back, and that's when he hit me."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"- ..earlier this week... - I thought you liked him."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Yeah, and this rug, it doesn't go with the rest of the decor."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Somebody was raised in a culture-free environment!"
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Or romance. Or men."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"See, I had to shut down for a while to get you off my back."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
"Mm! Buffy, you've got to try one of these. They're really good."
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
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