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Clips from South Park - Proper Condom Use (S05E05)

"- Your nickname? - "That Guy With The Really Big Head.""
South Park
"I sort of lost any confidence and found it impossible to ever ask a woman out."
South Park
"Well, I've never met a man who was as sexually unappealing as me."
South Park
"Neither have I."
South Park
"Well, I'm quite happy without sex."
South Park
"I mean, with all the diseases and problems out there, who needs it, right?"
South Park
"Not me! M'kay."
South Park
"- Well, back to the lesson plan, then. - Right."
South Park
"Okay. Oral sex."
South Park
"Doesn't it give any other directions?"
South Park
"No. It looks like you're just supposed to roll it over your wiener."
South Park
""If used properly, latex condoms are effective against pregnancy,"
South Park
""AIDS and other STDs.""
South Park
"- What are "STDs"? - How the heck should I know?"
South Park
"Why, it's just a little donut. It's all gooey."
South Park
"Just put it on, Butters."
South Park
"- How come I gotta go first? - Butters, will you stop filibustering?"
South Park
"All right, then."
South Park
"They're sticky."
South Park
"It says you gotta check it for holes or tears."
South Park
"I don't even understand how this thing... Wait, I see."
South Park
"Don't look at Butter's schlong, gay-mo!"
South Park
"I wasn't looking at his schlong."
South Park
"I was seeing how to put the condom on."
South Park
"But it won't stay on. I need a rubber band or something."
South Park
"I've got rubber bands."
South Park
"Okay."
South Park
"How do you feel?"
South Park
"I don't think nothing's getting to my wiener through this thing."
South Park
"It's even got a little reservoir at the end so you can pee in it."
South Park
"Hey, somebody's got to help Timmy put his condom on."
South Park
"Teachers, I have some bad news."
South Park
"Last night, I received a phone call from the local pharmacist."
South Park
"Apparently, almost all of our 4th-graders are sexually active."
South Park
"And now that we've scared them a little, they're buying condoms to use."
South Park
"I knew it. Well, at least we scared them enough to protect themselves."
South Park
"But now maybe you'll believe me when I say"
South Park
"that we need to be teaching even younger than 4th grade."
South Park
"But how old do you think a student should be"
South Park
"when they learn about proper condom use?"
South Park
"- Kindergarten. - Kindergarten?"
South Park
"We've got to get to the students before they start having sex."
South Park
"- Not after. - Now, this is getting ridiculous."
South Park
"I have to agree with Ms. Choksondik."
South Park
"It's our responsibility to make sure our kids are safe"
South Park
"if they're gonna screw around."
South Park
"Okay, children, who can tell me what a condom is?"
South Park
"Yes, Jenny."
South Park
"It flies around and it's endangered."
South Park
"That's a condor, Jenny, condor."
South Park
"Yes, Filmore?"
South Park
"- Can we do finger paints? - No, we can't do finger paints!"
South Park
"You kids want to get herpes?"
South Park
"How about a nice bucket of AIDS? Sound good?"
South Park
"Now pay attention, all right?"
South Park
"I'm going to show you the proper way to put on a condom."
South Park
"First of all, you remove the condom from its package."
South Park
"Then you find which way the condom rolls out."
South Park
"Put it in your mouth"
South Park
"and apply."
South Park
"And it's as simple as that. Any questions?"
South Park
"All right, girls, yesterday we went over"
South Park
"the myriad of diseases you can get from boys."
South Park
"But today we're going to talk about"
South Park
"the most horrible disease they can give you of all."
South Park
"That's right, since you girls have decided to be sexually active,"
South Park
"teen pregnancy is at an all-time high."
South Park
"You seem to think it's gonna be fun and neat to have a baby."
South Park
"Well, let's watch a little video, shall we?"
South Park
"The time is drawing close for delivery. Here we can see the water breaking."
South Park
"Later, the contractions are happening closer together."
South Park
"Now we can see the crown of the baby's head stretching the vaginal walls"
South Park
"Finally, the miracle happens and the baby is born."
South Park
"But Mom's not done yet, she's still got some afterbirth to push out of her."
South Park
"That's right."
South Park
"Girls! Where are you going?"
South Park
"Man, this condom is driving me crazy."
South Park
"Yeah, I changed mine three times already because it itches so much."
South Park
"All right, boys, I now have all the information I need"
South Park
"to teach you the female anatomy, m'kay?"
South Park
"M'kay, this part here is the vaginal opening."
South Park
"This is where the man puts his... Eric, what the hell are you doing?"
South Park
"I'm putting on a new condom. I filled the other one up."
South Park
"- Why are you wearing a condom? - So I don't get AIDS."
South Park
"Eric, you can't get AIDS from just sitting around."
South Park
"You have to get it from sex."
South Park
"- From sex? - Yes."
South Park
"You mean, intercourse with a girl?"
South Park
"Yes. Now, will you all pay attention, please?"
South Park
"The vagina and the clitoris are on the outside..."
South Park
"I knew it! Girls lie! They lie right to your face."
South Park
"Now, here we can see the interior female anatomy..."
South Park
"Well, that does it!"
South Park
"Yeah! Come on, guys. This is war."
South Park
"And here we see the tender, magical uterus."
South Park
"Here we see the enticing, voluptuous fallopian tubes."
South Park
"Okay, children, now I want to review the different sexual positions."
South Park
"Who can tell me which sexual positions we talked about?"
South Park
"Missionary position, good."
South Park
"A little boring, but tried and true. What else?"
South Park
"That's right. Doggie style we went over."
South Park
"The Filthy Sanchez?"
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"Yes. Good, Flora, you remembered the Filthy Sanchez."
South Park
"Hot Karl?"
South Park
"The girls have built some kind of stronghold to keep us out."
South Park
"Stay away from us, bastards! We don't want to get pregnant."
South Park
"Here, talk to them, Butters."
South Park
"we won't have to resort to violence."
South Park
"Just walk away. You can put a stop to all this."
South Park
"Just walk away and we will spare your lives."
South Park
"Just walk away."
South Park
"We'll never walk away. Never!"
South Park
"Bitch!"
South Park
"That's does it! Attack!"
South Park
"M'kay, so, apparently, the lesson plan tomorrow is supposed to involve"
South Park
"secretion of bodily fluids."
South Park
"I've gone through that with the girls. It's pretty simple."
South Park
"- Do you want a drink? - Well, sure."
South Park
"Maybe we should come up with another lesson plan."
South Park
"Something about how nerve endings play an important part in intercourse."
South Park
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