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Clips from South Park - Proper Condom Use (S05E05)

"you make his stuff come out."
South Park
"Well, Jesus, haven't they taught you these things in school?"
South Park
"- What things? - Sexual education."
South Park
"- Haven't you learnt that yet? - No!"
South Park
"Well, you see, Stanley, well, your school should be teaching this stuff."
South Park
"Yeah, let's get that damn school on the phone."
South Park
"but we have to talk one at a time."
South Park
"Look, our kids are learning sexual things on the streets and on television."
South Park
"The schools have to teach them sexual education at a younger age."
South Park
"School policy has been to teach sexual education later, in the 6th grade."
South Park
"It isn't soon enough."
South Park
"Yeah, why, just this afternoon, our son was caught beating off our dog."
South Park
"Look, parents, do you really want your children learning about sex?"
South Park
"Part of the fun of being a kid is being naïve."
South Park
"Let them be kids for a while."
South Park
"Naive at what cost, Chef? Parents, we have to face facts."
South Park
"Children in America are having sex at younger and younger ages."
South Park
"The only way we can combat that is by educating children before they have sex."
South Park
"The first thing that kids learn about sex shouldn't be"
South Park
"some big scare tactic about STDs."
South Park
"No, she's right! With all the teen pregnancies that are out today,"
South Park
"I think my boy does need to know about sexual education."
South Park
"- From the school. - Yeah, we have to."
South Park
"Now, I know that some of you think this is very funny."
South Park
"Words like "penis" and "vagina"."
South Park
"Now, stop that, m'kay?"
South Park
"We're gonna get through this by being mature and grown-up."
South Park
"M'kay?"
South Park
"Now, this is the male anatomy, m'kay?"
South Park
"Here we see the testes and the scrotum..."
South Park
"Stop that, m'kay?"
South Park
"The next person that laughs is going to get a referral."
South Park
"M'kay."
South Park
"Now, in order to have intercourse, m'kay, the man takes his penis and he..."
South Park
"Let's see, the man takes his penis and he..."
South Park
"Well, sure I have! It's just..."
South Park
"I was about 19 at the time. It's been about 21 years."
South Park
"M'kay. Let's see."
South Park
"I'm pretty sure I took the penis and I..."
South Park
"What the hell did I do with that damn thing?"
South Park
"All right, girls, even though this may be stuff you don't want to hear,"
South Park
"you need to hear it."
South Park
"Fun? It's going to be fun?"
South Park
"Well, let's start with our first lesson then, shall we?"
South Park
"That's right, because unless you get boys to wear condoms,"
South Park
"you can and will get a sexually transmitted disease from them."
South Park
"- How fun is that? Is that fun? - I didn't mean that..."
South Park
"Today, over 20,000 Americans will contract a sexual disease. Today!"
South Park
"12,000 more tomorrow,"
South Park
"and the reason is that you girls wake up in the morning and say,"
South Park
""It's not going to happen to me.""
South Park
"You say, "Ms Choksondik, that happens to girls in Detroit and Brooklyn,"
South Park
""but not here in Colorado. " Wrong!"
South Park
"Gonorrhoea, herpes, Chlamydia, HPV, HIV, syphilis, hepatitis B, hepatitis C,"
South Park
"the list goes on and on."
South Park
"You think that sex is about fun and games and love?"
South Park
"Wrong! Sex is about disease. Here's a little picture of herpes."
South Park
"And here's a little syphilis for you."
South Park
"That's right, girls."
South Park
"Here's what happens when you don't get boys to use condoms."
South Park
"- Hello there, children. - Hey, Chef."
South Park
"How is sexual education class going?"
South Park
"It's dumb. Mr. Mackey doesn't teach us nothing."
South Park
"I don't think old Mackey knows a hymen from a hysterectomy."
South Park
"And Choksondik? I'd be surprised if she's ever gotten laid in her life."
South Park
"Hey, maybe we should ask the girls what they learnt in Sex Ed."
South Park
"Yeah!"
South Park
"What the hell is wrong with them?"
South Park
"You guys, we just want to know..."
South Park
"- Stay away from me, Stan! - Why?"
South Park
"- Are you wearing a condom? - A what?"
South Park
"- Do any of you have your condoms on? - No."
South Park
"Don't you know that without wearing a condom, you could get a disease?"
South Park
"If you don't wear a condom, you're gonna get AIDS."
South Park
"AIDS?"
South Park
"Geez, I don't want to get the AIDS, fellas!"
South Park
"Mr. Mackey didn't say nothing about that."
South Park
"- We don't want your AIDS. - But, Wendy, we don't understand..."
South Park
"- Oh, my God, dude. - What are we going to do?"
South Park
"- Dude, we gotta go get condoms, quick. - Yeah."
South Park
"- Can I help you boys? - Yeah, we need condoms."
South Park
"- How old are you boys? - Why does that matter?"
South Park
"I'll be 9 next week."
South Park
"Why not? Do you want us to get AIDS?"
South Park
"Mark, we have to be willing to supply condoms to anyone who requests them."
South Park
"Would you rather them do it unprotected?"
South Park
"I just think that this Sex Ed and condom talk in elementary school is wrong!"
South Park
"Kids are going to do what they do,"
South Park
"and it's up to us to make sure they're protected."
South Park
"I don't think we have any that'll even fit them."
South Park
"'Lil Mini's. They're specially designed for kids under 10."
South Park
"Fifty? Can't we just use the same one every day?"
South Park
"No. You have to change it."
South Park
"Thanks so much for letting me come over, Ms. Choksondik."
South Park
"It's no problem, Mr. Mackey."
South Park
"It's probably best we come up with a lesson plan together, anyway."
South Park
"Yeah, I've already gone over most of the basics, you know, with the boys."
South Park
"But I just wanted to see what else you were teaching the girls"
South Park
"We should make sure our students are good and scared of the consequences."
South Park
"We have to teach them that diseases are possible even with just oral sex."
South Park
"Right, oral sex. Which, of course, would be..."
South Park
"Using your mouth on the penis or vagina."
South Park
"Penis or vagina. Right, oral sex. M'kay."
South Park
"It's just too bad these girls are having sex so young."
South Park
"- Yeah. Did you? - Did I what?"
South Park
"Well, how long did you wait before you had doobers?"
South Park
"But I'm not ashamed of it!"
South Park
"I wasn't really sought after much in high school or college."
South Park
"I was made fun of most of my life for having such large glasses."
South Park
"The only boyfriend I ever had"
South Park
"was this attractive, popular boy named Steven Garrett."
South Park
"I liked him very much but I found out that he was dating me"
South Park
"because he had lost a bet on the Superbowl."
South Park
"The loser had to go out with me for three days."
South Park
"I'm sorry."
South Park
"People can be very cruel. Anyway, I know it's hard to understand."
South Park
"Actually, I understand perfectly."
South Park
"I wasn't exactly the captain of the football team either."
South Park
"while the rest of my body stayed the same."
South Park
"That's how I got my nickname in college."
South Park
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