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Clips from South Park - Proper Condom Use (S05E05)

"Going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time"
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"Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind"
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"Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour""
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"I'm heading up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind"
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"- Awesome! - Awesome!"
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"Yes, just hold on a minute. The 5th-graders showed us how to do it."
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"- Whoa, cool! - That's awesome!"
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"I told you guys."
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"Dumb-ass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours."
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"I'm beating off the dog. Red rocket, red rocket!"
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"No!"
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"You were stimulating the dog, Stanley."
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"What came out of him was his... Randy?"
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"Okay, parents, I know a lot of you want a chance to speak,"
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"There's no way we can stop it."
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"STDs are affecting younger and younger kids all the time."
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"Okay, boys, this is the first day of sexual education, m'kay?"
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"Dude, haven't you ever had intercourse, Mr. Mackey?"
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"We want to hear it, Ms. Choksondik. We're excited."
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"- Yeah, we think it's going to be fun. - Yeah!"
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"Sexually transmitted diseases."
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"These are serious diseases! They have serious consequences!"
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"Oh, nothing. Now move along, children, you're holding up the line."
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"Hey, Wendy, did you guys get..."
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"- Do any of you have your condoms on? - No."
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"Is that what you learnt in Sex Ed?"
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"Dude, Mr. Mackey didn't know anything about anything."
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"You guys have to wear condoms. Now, please, just go away."
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"Sorry, kids, I'm not selling you condoms."
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"I just don't think kids your age should be..."
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"But they're children!"
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"Yeah, you want us unprotected, asshole?"
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"I'm glad this lady's on our side."
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"Sure we do. We just got in the new Gladiators for kids."
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"And they're only $5.95 for a box of 50."
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"Jeez, we're going to have to buy tons of these things."
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"in case I missed anything."
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"And then, as I got older, my head just sort of seemed to get bigger"
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"- Right. - Anyway..."
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"Sure."
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"There. Okay, I think it's on."
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"- Pretty good. - Do you feel protected?"
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"I guess we have no choice."
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"Condoms are what we use to stop the spread of STDs."
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"Pregnancy."
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"Snacky Smores presents The Miracle of Childbirth."
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"in ways never before thought possible by Mom."
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"Yeah, but it makes going to the bathroom easier."
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"All this time, it's the girls that give us diseases."
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"If us boys are going to live, we have to get rid of the girls."
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"Missionary position?"
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"Doggie?"
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"Pile driver?"
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"Pile driver position, good, Quake."
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"Yes, you can give your partner the old Hot Karl, sure."
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"Yeah. Just take your diseases and go away forever."
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"- They're your diseases! - Yeah! You get out of town."
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"Who, me? What the heck am I supposed to say?"
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"Just tell them, if they leave town peacefully,"
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"He's pretty good."
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"Or the shaft of the penis."
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"Oh, my God. Oh, God, yes, stop!"
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"Jesus Christ."
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"You should be ashamed of yourselves."
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"I think I went a little overboard scaring the girls."
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"but if you leave it up to the schools to teach sex to kids,"
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"He's right. I never knew how special and personal sex was until just recently."
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"Hooray!"
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"- Nope, just 17. - But what if you're not ready at 17?"
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"Yeah, thank God."
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"Well, I guess now that that's out of the way, we can get on with our lives."
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"Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation"
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"West side."
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"Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine"
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"So, we meet again, Jennifer Lopez."
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"No, no, please! This time I swear I won't make any more albums or movies!"
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"That's what you said last time,"
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"but obviously, we now must resort to more drastic measures."
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"Oh, God, it burns! It burns!"
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"Scream for me, bitch!"
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"You guys, come here! You gotta check this out."
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"No, what now?"
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"No, you guys, this is really cool. Come on."
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"What's this all about, Kenny?"
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"Watch this, it's so funny. Come here, Garland, come on."
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"Red rocket, red rocket! Come on!"
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"Cartman, what the hell are you doing?"
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"I'm milking the dog. They make dog milk."
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"- No, they don't. - Yeah, they do."
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"Red rocket, come on, dog, red rocket!"
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"I had no idea dogs made milk. Do it again."
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"It doesn't work if you beat off a dog again right away."
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"Beat off?"
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"That's what it's called when you milk a dog."
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""Beating it off." Don't you guys know anything?"
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"Wow, you learnt all this from the 5th-graders?"
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"Yeah, I guess they thought we were cool, so they showed us how to do it."
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"Hey! Come here, dog. Dog, come here."
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"I was really happy with this month's book."
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"I agree with what Bob and Linda said..."
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"Mom! Dad! You gotta see this!"
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"Not now, Stanley."
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"This is Mommy and Daddy's book club night, remember?"
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"- But it's super cool! - Later, sweetie."
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"Anyway, I found myself enticed by Steinbeck's imagery."
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"The first chapter alone was filled with poetry."
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"- Wasn't it? I mean, the first sentence! - Red rocket! Red rocket!"
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""Cannery Row in Monterey in California is a poem, a stink, a grating noise...""
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"It's amazing how with three images, he puts you right there and..."
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"- Red rocket! Red rocket! - Stanley! What the hell are you doing?"
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"Stanley, you go to your room right now!"
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"- My room? Why? - Go, Stanley!"
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"Stanley, do you know why you're being grounded for 10 months?"
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"Beating off the dog is not appropriate when we have company."
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"I mean, ever! Beating off the dog is not appropriate, ever."
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"Why? What's the big deal?"
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"Stanley, don't you understand what you were doing?"
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"I was doing Red Rocket to make the dog's milk come out."
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"No, Stanley, what you were doing to the dog was sexual."
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"Well, you know, when you do that to a male,"
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