You're not connected to the Internet. Please check your connection.

Clips from South Park - Jared Has Aides (S06E06)

"Sir, we have come to offer you the business deal of a lifetime."
South Park
"You want the City beef?"
South Park
"No, we want to show the world how healthy your food is."
South Park
"Our fat friend here is going to lose 40 pounds eating at City Wok."
South Park
"The fat one."
South Park
"and then when he gets skinny from eating your food,"
South Park
"Why?"
South Park
"Because then you can pay us to use our friend in commercials."
South Park
"Oh, you mean like Jared."
South Park
"City Wok food sure is great"
South Park
"So if he lose weight eating City Wok, I pay you to use him in commercial."
South Park
"- All right! - All right!"
South Park
"Sir, we are in business."
South Park
"that all of us here at Subway appreciate everything you've done for our company."
South Park
"Well, I appreciate your company doing everything it's done for me."
South Park
"Yes, well, it is now the opinion of all of us"
South Park
"that perhaps it would be best for you to take"
South Park
"your strange theories on weight loss elsewhere."
South Park
"Excuse me?"
South Park
"Jared, it's just that your new take on weight loss"
South Park
"is contrary to our commitment to good health."
South Park
"- How so? - Well, your new slogan, for instance."
South Park
""When it comes to fitness, Subway goes hand in hand with aides.""
South Park
"His name is Jared"
South Park
"Jared lost weight eating Subway Now he's cold and alone"
South Park
"No one place to call his home"
South Park
"Come on, Butters, you gotta get skinny again."
South Park
"You are such a flabby hunk of crap!"
South Park
"Look at those jelly rolls. Jelly rolls, I tell you!"
South Park
"I never asked to be famous. Now everyone hates me."
South Park
"I almost wish I had never gotten aides!"
South Park
"Hey, now, come on. What kind of talk is that?"
South Park
"I’m sorry, guys, but I think I want to be aides-free for a while."
South Park
"Come on, Jared, lighten up. People don't hate you."
South Park
"Yeah, maybe they're all just jealous"
South Park
"that they can't afford to hire their own aides."
South Park
"Wait a minute."
South Park
"You're right! Yeah!"
South Park
"I think I know how to be a celebrity again!"
South Park
"how skinny Butters is,"
South Park
"- they're gonna want several. - That's true."
South Park
"Jared did, like, a hundred for Subway sandwiches."
South Park
"I think we're looking at a non-exclusive two-year, fifty-picture deal here."
South Park
"Wow."
South Park
"Now, I think the $4 million should be split evenly among the three of us."
South Park
"Except that I should get a 20% pernegation fee"
South Park
"Oh, I don't know what to tell you."
South Park
"Losing weight is harder than putting it on."
South Park
"Well, yeah, but... I don't know."
South Park
"All prepared for liposuction surgery?"
South Park
"I don't know about this, fellas."
South Park
"Hey, you're the one that screwed us by not losing weight, Butters."
South Park
"on the left side, just above the hip."
South Park
"That's about... That's right about here."
South Park
"Oh, stop your bitching, Butters!"
South Park
"Okay, now put one end of the tube"
South Park
"- a half an inch into the incision. - All righty."
South Park
"I think this is a bad idea, fellas."
South Park
"- I feel woozy. - All right, I think it's in."
South Park
"The liposuction is a process of siphoning out the excess fat."
South Park
"Man, it tastes like that, you know,"
South Park
"that creamed chipped beef stuff that Chef makes sometimes?"
South Park
"Fellas, I don't feel very good."
South Park
"Shut up, Butters. This is your own damn fault."
South Park
"Everything's getting dark."
South Park
"Oh, yeah, keep doing that. That's working good."
South Park
"He's losing weight!"
South Park
"Everything's getting sparkly."
South Park
"Oh, no, dude! Butters' parents are home!"
South Park
"- Oh, crap. - Dude, bail."
South Park
"Butters? Butters?"
South Park
"- Mom, Dad. - Butters."
South Park
"- Yes, sir. - This is unbelievable!"
South Park
"How many times have we told you"
South Park
"never to have self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?"
South Park
"Four times, Mom."
South Park
"Well, I guess that wasn't enough."
South Park
"You get up to your room right now, mister!"
South Park
"Yes, sir."
South Park
"Don't you give us that look, young man. You're gonna get it."
South Park
"where the big liar, Jared, is once again about to speak."
South Park
"Apparently, Jared hopes to regain his celebrity-hero status,"
South Park
"which was lost when he announced that it was AIDS,"
South Park
"Let's listen in."
South Park
"why you felt betrayed by the fact that my aides helped me to lose weight."
South Park
"But now I understand that it's because it isn't fair"
South Park
"And so with all the money I made from commercials,"
South Park
"I have decided to start the Aides For Everyone Foundation!"
South Park
"What?"
South Park
"that each and every one of you gets aides."
South Park
"This guy's insane!"
South Park
"I’m going to seek out all the underprivileged"
South Park
"and hungry children of the world,"
South Park
"and I’m going to give them aides myself!"
South Park
"You're gonna give children AIDS?"
South Park
"Yes, it is my hope that every beautiful child"
South Park
"on this Earth has aides by next month!"
South Park
"Aides for everyone!"
South Park
"Get him!"
South Park
"- Come on, Butters, time to go. - Go where?"
South Park
"To City Wok, so we can make our money! God!"
South Park
"I can't go anywhere, fellas."
South Park
"I’ve been grounded for having liposuction surgery."
South Park
"- What? - Well, I told you"
South Park
"my parents would be sore,"
South Park
"and they said, for having liposuction surgery,"
South Park
"I can't play outside for five days."
South Park
"Dude, we just need you to come down to City Wok real quick"
South Park
"You guys have already gotten me in Dutch for getting fat,"
South Park
"and now you're asking me to be in triple Dutch?"
South Park
"I’ll never be that Dutch."
South Park
"- Kenny would have done it. - Yeah."
South Park
"God, he was always up for helping us out."
South Park
"Man, he was the best friend ever."
South Park
"Look, fellas, I can't do it!"
South Park
"My mom and dad call in every hour from work to make sure I’m here."
South Park
"lf I don't answer the phone, then they'll know I’m up to no good."
South Park
"All right, all right. I’ll stay here and answer the phone for you."
South Park
"But you don't sound like me."
South Park
"But you don't sound like me."
South Park
Show more clips