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Clips from South Park - Jared Has Aides (S06E06)

"I'm going down to South Park Gonna have myself a time"
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"Come on down to South Park And meet some friends of mine"
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"Yes, this City Wok."
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"And I'll have the City chicken."
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"Oh, dude, look! It's that commercial with the guy that lost"
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"four hundred pounds eating at Subway sandwiches!"
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"Still looking good, his name is Jared"
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"No, gosh darn it, my name's not "Not Kenny"!"
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"Oh, I’m getting steamed, now."
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"He's still looking good"
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"With all those sub sandwiches"
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"Dude, did you really lose all that weight eating nothing but sub sandwiches?"
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"What kind of help?"
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"Well, that's not really what you say in the commercial."
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"at the bottom of the screen."
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"with no mustard or mayo or anything like that,"
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"That penis butt didn't lose weight eating sub sandwiches."
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"It’s coming to me now."
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"No. Don't you see what this all means? Anybody could do what he did."
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"That's right, Stan."
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"Oh, no, I thought you meant you. You're the fat one."
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"That's my whole point."
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"then take the weight back off."
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"He's right. If Butters is naturally skinny,"
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"he'll be able to take the weight off faster."
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"Well, to heck with that. You said Jared was a penis butt."
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"His name is Butters"
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"He used to be fat, but not no more"
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"And a lifetime of free food at City Wok"
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"Christine, this probably isn't going to matter to you at all,"
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"- What? - Yeah, I have aides."
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"What? What are you thinking? Are you bummed?"
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"We can still get married, Christine!"
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"You'll love having aides, Christine. You really will."
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"Chef, we need Butters to gain about 50 pounds, fast."
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"Well, I guess we gotta do this the old-fashioned way."
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"I just keep puking it up."
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"- Then eat your puke. - No!"
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"He's still looking good"
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"It wasn't just Subway sandwiches that made me thin."
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"and so I’m here to tell you that you should all go out and get aides!"
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"All right, now it's time for phase two."
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"Welcome to City Wok. You like to try our City chicken today?"
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"Which one? I see two fat friend."
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"We're gonna take before and after photos,"
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"we'll show the world."
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"Just like Jared."
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"His name is Jared and he lose some weight"
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"Yeah, okay. That sound good."
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"Jared, first of all, we want to say"
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"He likes sandwiches with Philadelphia cream cheese"
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"Guys, I think this might be a good time to discuss some business."
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"- What do you mean? - Well, when City Wok sees"
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"they're not gonna want him to just make one commercial,"
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"My calculations put that at about $4 million."
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"off the gross for having come up with the idea."
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"- Hey, fellas. - Butters! What the hell are you doing?"
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"Yeah! You're still fat!"
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"Oh, I know, I can't seem to lose it."
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"But we're supposed to shoot your commercial"
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"for City Wok today, you fat piece of crap."
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"No, it isn't, stupid blubber butt."
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"Did you eat only one ounce of City Wok a day like we told you?"
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"Why are you doing this to us?"
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"Check."
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"Okay, it says here the operation begins with a one-inch incision in the abdomen"
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"- There it goes. - All right! It’s working!"
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"It’s out of control!"
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"Are you having liposuction surgery? Tell me the truth!"
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"Tom, I’m standing out front of the mayor's office,"
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"not sub sandwiches, that caused him to lose weight."
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"Ladies and gentlemen, at first I didn't understand"
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"that I had aides and most of you don't."
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"I am going to personally see to it"
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"so they can see how skinny you are."
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"My name is Butters and I’m a little pussy who won't help his friends make money."
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"Are you trying to get yourself in more trouble"
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"I tell the world to get aides and they think I’m crazy!"
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"I offer to give aides to kids and everyone wants me dead!"
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"There he is beating that dead horse!"
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"We have great news!"
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"Our friend lost 40 pounds eating your City Wok food!"
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"So now you can pay us to use him in your commercials,"
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"and you'll have your very own Jared!"
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"I’m not putting no Jared in my City Wok commercial."
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"Yeah, they gonna kill him."
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"All right, Jared, you sick pervert!"
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"Jared doesn't have AIDS, AIDS."
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"Oh, no wonder she left!"
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"Can you imagine what we thought when you said,"
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"He's right!"
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"All right!"
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"I knew it would be funny one day!"
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"AIDS quilt!"
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"Sure, okay! I pay you $15!"
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"Fifteen dollars?"
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"AIDS so funny."
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"Well, so much for our money."
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"instead of dieting properly."
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"for their shattered dreams."
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"Yeah, I don't like shattering fat people's dreams."
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"There you are, Butters."
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"Oh, boy!"
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"Oh, goodie!"
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"Here you go. I drew some pictures with crayons"
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"so it looked like you were here all day,"
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"Friendly faces everywhere Humble folks without temptation"
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"Going down to South Park Gonna leave my woes behind"
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"Ample parking day or night People spouting, "Howdy, neighbour""
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"Heading on up to South Park Gonna see if I can't unwind"
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"Living a lie, Timmy!"
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"Hello, City Wok."
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"Hello, is this City Wok?"
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"Yes, we'd like one order of the City beef."
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"City beef."
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"City chicken."
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"His name is Jared and he likes to eat the sandwiches"
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"- Hey, fellas! - Hey, Kenny!"
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"No, gosh darn it, my name's not Kenny."
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"- Okay, Not Kenny. - Hey, South Park!"
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