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Clips from Fresh Off the Boat - Living While Eddie (S03E03)

"It's a machine"
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"that washes the dishes for you."
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"With jets of water that shoot on the plates."
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"I'm sorry. I get emotional just thinking about it."
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"The one at Zack's house looks just like it."
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"Only it had buttons."
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"Is that tape?"
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"The controls!"
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"Pots and Pans?"
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"What are you boys doing?"
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"Why haven't we been using it?"
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"Because this family doesn't believe in dishwashers."
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"Why not? Because it's wasteful."
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"It makes you soft, and it's hard on the dishware."
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"Chinese people respect their nice plates."
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"But... No dishwasher!"
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"Wash and dry dishes the usual way."
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"What a gentle beast."
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"Whoa!"
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"This is amazing."
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"Ah, Louis. Hey, the place looks great."
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"This is my son Emery. This is Reggie, the director."
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"Hi, Emery. Are you here to see how an infomercial is made?"
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"It's so glamorous. What do you call these things?"
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"Uh, lights."
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"Lights."
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"Oh. "The On-Gun"?"
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"It's "The Un-Gun." It's a Salad Shooter for onions."
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"Oh. Well, why not call it "The Gunion"?"
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"Hey, mister, wh-where were you"
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"during our three-day creative retreat, huh?"
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"It took you three days to come up with On-Gun?"
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"A lot of it was, uh, you know, like, volleyball."
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"Oh. And then there was a swimming party at the end."
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"Oh. You must be the proprietor of this fine establishment."
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"Oh, "proprietor." I like that. Sounds fancy."
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"Hi, I'm Louis..."
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"Tony Wonder at your service."
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"Oh! I've seen a bunch of your infomercials."
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"My favorite is the Dyna-Broom."
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"Always nice to meet a fan."
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"Oh, thank you!"
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"I guess I'll just hold onto this."
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"Bad news, boss. Our Salad Eater just called in sick."
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"Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Oh!"
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"What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do?"
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"We need somebody to eat the salad and then... Oh, boy."
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"I have an idea."
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"Why doesn't Louis play our Salad Eater?"
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"- Really, me? - Really, him?"
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"Wait a minute. Yeah."
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"No. I... Hold on."
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"Yeah. Yes."
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"Huzzah! This calls for a souvenir."
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"Oh, no. I-I-I-I..."
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""Welcome to the cast, Louie baby.""
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"Well, thank you."
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"Now we don't have to fight over just the one."
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"Let's go."
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"It's warm."
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"Disobedience."
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"♪ Man, the panic, funkmode ♪"
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"♪ Competition in my dojo ♪"
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"♪ In my do... ♪"
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"Eddie, I specifically told you not to use the dishwasher."
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"- I didn't! - Then why are the plates warm?"
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"It's Florida. Everything's warm."
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"Okay. Maybe someone used the dishwasher, but it wasn't me."
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"I wash dishes by hand, the stupid way."
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"Let me see your hands."
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"If your fingers look like raisins,"
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"I'll know you're telling the truth."
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"They were wrinkly before, but they plumped already."
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"I know what's going on here... I'm being profiled!"
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"Profiled?"
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"Every time something bad happens,"
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"you assume I'm the one who did it."
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"I'm a victim of institutional bias."
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"Oh, I can't know things?! Another assumption."
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"No allowance, three weeks."
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"But I was saving up to buy an N64"
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"and play "GoldenEye" the day it comes out."
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"Oddjob's gonna bust a cap in some fools."
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"Hearing what you want to do with that money"
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"Okay, Louis, are you ready to eat some salad?"
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"Call me the Titanic,"
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"'cause I'm about to tear into some iceberg."
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"Great."
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"So, for this first shot, Tony's gonna demonstrate the Un-Gun."
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"And then he'll ask, "And how does it work on those salads?""
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"At which point, we will pan over to you,"
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"and you're gonna say your line, which is,"
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"Got it."
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"Hey, um, that thing I said about the Titanic earlier,"
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"I didn't mean to offend anyone."
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"All right. Places everyone! Here we go."
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"Hi, Dad. I just wanted to wish you good luck."
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"Uhp. In showbiz, we say "break a leg.""
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"Wishing someone good luck is actually bad luck."
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"- Good to know. - Hmm."
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"I'm surprised how calm you are."
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"If I were in your shoes, I'd be so nervous."
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"Nervous? Why?"
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"This infomercial is gonna be seen by hundreds of people,"
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"wondering, "Why this guy?"
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"Why does he get to be the Salad Eater?""
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"It's like they're setting you up for failure."
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"Okay. Break all your legs!"
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"And let's roll cameras."
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"And... action!"
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"The Un-Gun."
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"It's so easy, the only thing you'll be crying about"
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"is not getting one sooner."
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"Onions, shallions, scallots... It does all of them!"
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"Okay, cut."
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"Uh, you just mixed up some of the words."
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"The line is, "Onions, shallots, scallions... It does it all.""
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"What did I say?"
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"You said something different, but it doesn't matter."
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"Let's do it again. Let's, uh, roll camera."
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