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Clips from Peep Show - Conference (S04E04)

"You might slip another one or two in just to get your average up."
Peep Show
"I don't know if I'm attractive enough to."
Peep Show
"You're attractive. You're a hottie, Soph. You're hot."
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"Oh, that's nice. Thanks, Jez. You're pretty hot, too."
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"Well... here's to being hot."
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"'This is almost definitely a terrible idea."
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"'No, I was right, that was a terrible idea."
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"'That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done."
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"'AIthough maybe screwing each other will make it weirdly better.'"
Peep Show
"DOOR OPENS"
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"I'm pulling an all-nighter with Gerrard."
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"Er, no, mate, no, no."
Peep Show
"Good, that sounds nice."
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"You're a bloody good guy. You're a great guy. Isn't he a good guy?"
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"Oh, you're a great guy. You're a fucking great guy."
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"'Why are they being so nice?"
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"'and they've realised I was right about North Korea,"
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"'and about the European constitution,"
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"'Oh, my God, I feel terrible. I feel like my head's going to explode."
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"'Relax, Mark, heads don't explode."
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"'It's much more likely you'll just get a tumour.'"
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"- Sorry? - I said it's just you and me from..."
Peep Show
"Right. Sorry, yes."
Peep Show
"what have we actually got? What will I present to the board?"
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"Not that. That sounded good at 3am when we were high on Diet Coke."
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"That's bullshit."
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"Is that it? Where's the actual sustenance?"
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"There's nothing."
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"I've got nothing. I've got fucking nothing here."
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"I've been working very hard trying to..."
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"How's it going, mate? Everyone's excited."
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"Jeff... Listen, Jeff, your idea."
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"Have you still got the printout of the idea, the three-department merger?"
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"The one you wiped your arse on?"
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"Yeah, sure, mate."
Peep Show
"Here it is."
Peep Show
"'Still another snog for Jez's snog book."
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"'Hmm, he looks terrible. Looks like he could do with a friend.'"
Peep Show
"What?"
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"Has something on that piece of paper made you sad?"
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"You know what this piece of paper says, Jeremy?"
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"This piece of paper says that I am fucked."
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"That's what I've got to go through that door"
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"I'm about to walk into a boardroom gangbang"
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"and get fucked by the biggest swinging dicks"
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"Maybe you should run away."
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"People say it like it's a bad thing,"
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"running away from your problems,"
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"but if they never catch up with you, what's the hitch?"
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"In this case there would be repercussions."
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"playing the ukulele with the rabbits and the squirrels."
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"I suppose I could... run away."
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"'I think that was good advice."
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"'I mean, I didn't actually expect him to do it."
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"'but... yep, there he goes.'"
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"'This is brilliant. Maybe I'll go to a KFC and have a whole bargain bucket."
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"'Or I could join Al-Qaeda. Maybe I'll marry my lap dancer."
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"'Hiding out in a car park. He's not exactly Grisly Adams, but it's a start.'"
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"Where's Mark? What the hell are you doing here?"
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"I'll take it. But you know what? This means nothing to me."
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"Now will you go back out with me?"
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"Er, no, Jez."
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"'Shit, this could be difficult to row back from."
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"- Mark? - Soph."
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"What the fuck? Why are you hiding behind a bush?"
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"Aren't you meant to be in the big meeting?"
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"It doesn't work, Soph."
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"Hey, look, it'll be OK."
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"The truth?! Soph, this isn't an advert, this is real life"
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"but just tell them this is real life - smelling the flowers."
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"All that reports-up-bums stuff, that's the bullshit."
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"Just tell them the truth - you're sorry, but you tried."
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"- Do you really think? - Of course."
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"'Maybe she's right. Maybe the truth does work."
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"'Maybe Iraq was a good idea."
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"'Maybe I am putting enough into my pension plan."
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"'Maybe everything's gonna be OK! '"
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"Everyone's wondering why you climbed in through the window."
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"You don't use doors?"
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"Not every window."
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"That depends, not tiny windows like lavatory windows."
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"OK, Mark is now going to take you through the detail of Project Zeus."
Peep Show
"'Here I go. Palms dry, mouth dry, inter-buttock area moist.'"
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"So integrating Sales and Marketing - Project Zeus!"
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"The bad news is it doesn't work."
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"But, look - big picture - so what?"
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"Maybe we shouldn't be in the credit business at all."
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"These are just ideas. But where's the humanity?"
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"I suppose that's what I want to ask you today, if anything."
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"Where is the humanity?"
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"Old friend."
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"'Shit, I'm crashing and burning."
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"'Did I just say that? I did just say that.'"
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"That's right, I've got brain cancer."
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"Half my brain's been eaten away already... probably."
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"But I think I did a pretty decent job"
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"for a man with a brain tumour the size of a pineapple"
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"who's gonna be dead within a month."
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"Ah, ah, my brain! My poor diseased brain!"
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"Yeah, I'd just like to assure everyone that Mr Corrigan will indeed be dead in a month."
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"Paranoia, paranoia Everybody's coming to get me"
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"And I'm so hot"
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"Hi, Alan, you wanted to talk about... Oh, I'm sorry..."
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"It's just Tai Chi. Take a seat, I'll just power through."
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"Stick that up your dojo."
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"I'm planning to unleash Project Zeus."
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"Project Zeus?"
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"Oh, right."
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"'I like it when he's rude to me."
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"The meaning of Project Zeus is, why can't Marketing be an arm of Sales?"
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"I don't know, Alan."
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"That's why I've booked you and me in for a presentation to the board."
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"But if you persuade them, we co-manage a new super-department."
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"If we fail, you're junior, you take the bullet."
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"So, you're going to need a team. I'll assign you some slave drones."
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"OK."
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"If we succeed, I'm going to be Charles and you'll be my Camilla."
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"'I'm going to be Johnson's queen. If the public will accept me,"
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"'My team! I'm going to be the most amazing boss ever."
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"'while I squeeze them by the balls.'"
Peep Show
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