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Clips from Seinfeld - The Burning (S09E09)

"I'll tell you how you could check."
Seinfeld
"Reprogram all the buttons, see if he changes them back."
Seinfeld
"You know, the old switcheroo."
Seinfeld
"...and then you switch it with the other person's."
Seinfeld
"No, it's doing the same thing to someone that they did to you."
Seinfeld
"-Well, that's the gist of it. -Quiet!"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, you got any pepper?"
Seinfeld
"-Hey, Jerry. -Hey, Mickey."
Seinfeld
"See? It should sound like that. Something like that."
Seinfeld
"What's with the fake sneezing?"
Seinfeld
"We're going down to Mount Sinai Hospital."
Seinfeld
"They assign you a disease and you act out the symptoms."
Seinfeld
"Ready?"
Seinfeld
"Would you hold it a second?"
Seinfeld
"Mickey, D.T.'s, huh?"
Seinfeld
"Jerry, it's Sophie."
Seinfeld
"I can't believe you don't recognize my voice."
Seinfeld
"I'm a comedian."
Seinfeld
"Hey, you got any ipecac?"
Seinfeld
"No, it's just too much."
Seinfeld
"The team working on the statue in Lafayette Square..."
Seinfeld
"They ground the head down to about the size of a softball."
Seinfeld
"...stick a pumpkin under its arm..."
Seinfeld
"In your packets you will find the disease you have been assigned..."
Seinfeld
"...and the symptoms you will need to exhibit."
Seinfeld
"Bacterial meningitis."
Seinfeld
"This is the Hamlet of diseases."
Seinfeld
"Severe pain, nausea, delusions, it's got everything."
Seinfeld
"How about you? You wanna trade?"
Seinfeld
"-Sure. -Okay, what do you got?"
Seinfeld
"I thanked the crowd and I was gone."
Seinfeld
"...she's just a liar, right?"
Seinfeld
"And a bit of a tramp, if you ask me."
Seinfeld
"-Hello, boys. -Hey."
Seinfeld
"Resurrected."
Seinfeld
"A Jesus fish."
Seinfeld
"So you're disappointed he's a spiritual person?"
Seinfeld
"Well, yeah. I got him because he seemed so one-dimensional."
Seinfeld
"I feel misled."
Seinfeld
"You don't hear that much about God anymore."
Seinfeld
"I hear things."
Seinfeld
"So Sophie gave me the it's me on the phone today."
Seinfeld
"-It's me? Isn't that a little premature? -I thought so."
Seinfeld
"I'm against all it's me's. So self-absorbed and egotistical."
Seinfeld
"That seems about right."
Seinfeld
"That's what they gave me."
Seinfeld
"They?"
Seinfeld
"He's pretending he's got gonorrhea so med students can diagnose it."
Seinfeld
"And it's a waste of my talent. It's just a little burning."
Seinfeld
"Mickey, he got bacterial meningitis. You know, that's...."
Seinfeld
"All right, that's it for me."
Seinfeld
"Showmanship. George is trying to get out on a high note."
Seinfeld
"...and feel the gonorrhea in themselves."
Seinfeld
"And are you experiencing any discomfort?"
Seinfeld
"Oh, just a little burning during urination."
Seinfeld
"Okay. Any other pain?"
Seinfeld
"The haunting memories of lost love."
Seinfeld
"May l? Lights."
Seinfeld
"Our eyes met across the crowded hat store."
Seinfeld
"I, a customer, and she, a coquettish haberdasher."
Seinfeld
"And I burned for her..."
Seinfeld
"One message. Hope it's not from you."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Jerry, it's me. Call me back."
Seinfeld
"Pull the old switcheroo."
Seinfeld
"That's the what's good for the goose is good for the gander."
Seinfeld
"Hey, Rafe."
Seinfeld
"So, what's going on?"
Seinfeld
"Not a lot."
Seinfeld
"Ask about you. Ask about you."
Seinfeld
"Oh, I really like him..."
Seinfeld
"...but, well, I still haven't told him the tractor story."
Seinfeld
"Right, right, the tractor story."
Seinfeld
"Are you sick, Rafe? You sound kind of funny."
Seinfeld
"-I sound funny? -Abort. Abort."
Seinfeld
"What drives me to take chances like that?"
Seinfeld
"She said there's some tractor story that she hasn't told me about."
Seinfeld
"Back it up, back it up."
Seinfeld
"-So where do you wanna eat? -Feels like an Arby's night."
Seinfeld
"Arby's. Beef and cheese and.... Do you believe in God?"
Seinfeld
"-So you're pretty religious? -That's right."
Seinfeld
"So is it a problem that I'm not really religious?"
Seinfeld
"-Why not? -I'm not the one going to hell."
Seinfeld
"No, she looks completely normal."
Seinfeld
"She lost her thumbs in a tractor accident..."
Seinfeld
"...and they grafted her big toes on."
Seinfeld
"How's her handshake?"
Seinfeld
"-Maybe a little too firm? -I don't know."
Seinfeld
"Hands a little smelly?"
Seinfeld
"According to Puddy."
Seinfeld
"I know, but he does."
Seinfeld
"Well, relationships are very important to me."
Seinfeld
"Maybe you can strike one up with the Prince of Darkness..."
Seinfeld
"And a slice of devil's food cake."
Seinfeld
"-Where is everyone? -They're all off the project."
Seinfeld
"They were boring. George, you are my main man."
Seinfeld
"And you always leave me wanting more."
Seinfeld
"This is a huge project involving..."
Seinfeld
"I'm not too worried about it. Let's get started."
Seinfeld
"Okay."
Seinfeld
"All me."
Seinfeld
"By the way, Mr. Kramer, you were excellent."
Seinfeld
"Cirrhosis of the liver with jaundice."
Seinfeld
"All right, I get to wear makeup."
Seinfeld
"-What did you get? -Gonorrhea."
Seinfeld
"Excuse me, I think there's been a mistake."
Seinfeld
"See, I had gonorrhea last week."
Seinfeld
"Oh, it's no mistake. We loved what you did with it."
Seinfeld
"Check."
Seinfeld
"Maybe they should change it to a tractor."
Seinfeld
"Losing?"
Seinfeld
"This is an odd side of you, Jerry."
Seinfeld
"Wait, don't go. Let's thumb-wrestle."
Seinfeld
"A scar?"
Seinfeld
"A big long scar, where her leg would dangle when she's riding a--"
Seinfeld
"A tractor."
Seinfeld
"She's more self-conscious about that than her toe-thumbs."
Seinfeld
"She doesn't have toe-thumbs."
Seinfeld
"-She will if she keeps horsing around-- -All right."
Seinfeld
"Two-man. It's all me. Kruger doesn't do anything."
Seinfeld
"Disappears for hours at a time, gives me fake excuses."
Seinfeld
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