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Clips from The Simpsons - Bart the Fink (S07E07)

"of Herschel Schmoeckel Krustofski..."
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"beloved entertainer and dear friend."
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"Hello. I'm Troy McClure."
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"You might remember me from such show business funerals..."
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"as "Andre the Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye"..."
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"and "Shemp Howard: Today We Mourn a Stooge. ""
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"Now, Krusty's closest friend and sidekick..."
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"Sideshow Mel."
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"I'll miss you, Krusty-"
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"I and all the other Sideshows-"
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"But, in the midst of our sorrow..."
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"we can take comfort in the fact that your elevated blood-alcohol level..."
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"probably helped you burn up quicker."
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"Since you left us no earthly remains..."
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"it is my sad duty to unveil this simple memorial."
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"Next in our cavalcade of celebrity mourners- Bob Newhart."
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"Uh- See, uh-"
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"To tell you the truth, I'm, uh-"
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"I was just- I'm just killing time here."
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"I was waiting for a..."
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"well, a different- different funeral to start."
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"I'll handle it. Bob Newhart, everybody!"
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"Oh, uh-"
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"Although, you know- Though I started my career..."
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"several years before Krusty, so..."
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"you know, I could never really have learned anything..."
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"directly from him..."
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"in a very meaningful way-"
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"that, uh- that I- uh- uh- all of us-"
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"have, uh- have learned from him."
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"You know, that is, by being, uh, on television for-"
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"Even- Even though..."
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"you know, m-many of us, we-"
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"we didn't- we didn't watch his show."
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"Th-Thank you."
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"Well, that's the funeral, folks."
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"We'll be sitting shivah at the Friar's Club at 7:00 p. m., and again at 10:00."
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"You must be over 18 for the 10:00. It gets a little blue."
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"And so, Herschel Krustofski..."
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"is gone, but not forgotten."
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"Today was the unveiling of the new Krusty stamp."
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"Postal patrons were asked to choose between two competing designs-"
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"one of Krusty's heartwarming smile..."
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"and one of his fiery death."
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"By a nearly two-to-one vote, the smiling Krusty was chosen."
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"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy."
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"People die all the time..."
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"just like that."
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"Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow."
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"Well, good night."
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"Krusty!"
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"Mom! I just saw Krusty!"
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"- Yes, dear, in your mind. - No, on the street."
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"Sweetheart, maybe you just want Krusty to be alive so badly..."
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"And these pills will help with the queasiness."
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"Krusty? Dr. Hibbert, who was that man?"
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"Now, Bart, telling you..."
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"would violate the patient-doctor privilege..."
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"just as if I were to tell you that Jasper here has five seconds to live."
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"- What'd he say? - He said I'm next."
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"Am I going crazy? I'm seeing Krusty everywhere."
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"Bart, you're seeing Krusty everywhere..."
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"because you want to tell him you're sorry for causing his death."
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"Would it help if I told you you're not responsible..."
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"- for Krusty's death? - Yes. Yes, it would."
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"Well, I can't. You'll just have to learn to live with your mental problem."
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"The truck full of nets and buckets..."
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"the queasy guy, the lobsters-"
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"They all point to one thing. Follow me."
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"Arr! I've got some customers."
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"Call me back, Ishmael."
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"Ahoy. Have you seen this man?"
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"Arr! That's Handsome Pete. He dances for nickels."
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"Pete, ye got some customers."
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"No, we're looking for this man- Krusty the Clown."
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"It's hopeless, Bart. We've searched up and down these docks..."
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"from pier one to that Pier 1 by pier 17."
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"Lisa, look-a signature with stars around it, just like Krusty's."
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""Rory B. Bellows, slip eight. " Let's go!"
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"Not a quarter! Arr! He'll be dancing for hours."
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"- Are you Rory B. Bellows? - Yes."
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"Well, if you're not Krusty, how come you have the exact same signature as him?"
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"and I got a lot of corroborating evidence..."
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"over here..."
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"by the throttle!"
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"You know, you two could have said something..."
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"instead of letting me make an ass of myself."
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"Hey, you got a pacemaker scar, just like Krusty."
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"And Krusty's superfluous third nipple."
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"Can't you see I don't want to be Krusty anymore?"
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"- That's why I faked my death. - But we saw your plane crash."
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"Yeah, but I wasn't in it."
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"Just before I hit the mountain, I jumped out of the plane..."
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"into a carefully placed net."
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"Now that we've blown your cover, I guess you gotta come back and do your show again."
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"Or kill us."
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"I won't be coming back, kids."
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"I got a sweet life here."
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"The sea air is clearing my lungs..."
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"and most important, I learned that I don't need money to be happy."
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"All that high living just distracted me..."
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"from my true calling in life- salvaging sunken barges..."
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"for scrap iron."
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"But Krusty, what about all the kids who depend on you..."
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"to brighten up their afternoons?"
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"- Are you gonna turn your back on them? - Yes!"
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"Come on, Lise. Krusty doesn't want our attention anymore."
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"Let's go worship somebody who has the guts to be a celebrity."
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"Yeah. Krusty doesn't want to be a clown."
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"Meh!"
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"Krusty's tired of having phonies around..."
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"I'm sure he'll find plenty of people who'll like him for who he is."
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"Uh, it could happen."
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"Aw, who needs friends?"
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"is all the companionship I need."
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"Tell me where you are now, you bastard!"
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"All right, I admit it. I miss the phonies."
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"That's all I miss-"
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"that and ShirleyJones's and Marty Ingels's New Year's Eve party."
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"What about that great feeling you get from knowing you're better than regular people?"
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