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Clips from NewsRadio - Stinkbutt (S05E05)

Oh. Matthew, while I've got you here,

"Oh. Matthew, while I've got you here,"

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Oh! Hey, Lisa.

"Oh! Hey, Lisa."

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Matthew. You just now called me Matthew.

"Matthew. You just now called me Matthew."

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No. I said, hey, Lisa.

"No. I said, hey, Lisa."

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Dave, Dave, check this out.

"Dave, Dave, check this out."

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♪ Double your pleasure Double your fun ♪

"♪ Double your pleasure Double your fun ♪"

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Double your fun.

"Double your fun."

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All right, Matthew. Yeah.

"All right, Matthew. Yeah."

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I want you to go home at lunch

"I want you to go home at lunch"

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a-and ch-change your sweater, all right?

"a-and ch-change your sweater, all right?"

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I don't understand. Look, I know

"I don't understand. Look, I know"

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it's just some sort of freak accident that you're wearing

"it's just some sort of freak accident that you're wearing"

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the same sweater as Lisa. No, no.

"the same sweater as Lisa. No, no."

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I saw Lisa wearing this sweater a couple of weeks ago.

"I saw Lisa wearing this sweater a couple of weeks ago."

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I said to myself, gotta have it!

"I said to myself, gotta have it!"

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Thank God, I know where she shops, huh?

"Thank God, I know where she shops, huh?"

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Matthew? Yeah.

"Matthew? Yeah."

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You're aware of the fact that Lisa's a woman, aren't you?

"You're aware of the fact that Lisa's a woman, aren't you?"

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Dave, you know what your problem is?

"Dave, you know what your problem is?"

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I know what one of my problems is.

"I know what one of my problems is."

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You have an outmoded idea of gender. Uh?

"You have an outmoded idea of gender. Uh?"

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You think that girls are supposed to run around in frilly

"You think that girls are supposed to run around in frilly"

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And boys are supposed to be all spiders and--

"And boys are supposed to be all spiders and--"

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And snakes and combat boots.

"And snakes and combat boots."

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Let me tell you something, Dave.

"Let me tell you something, Dave."

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This is the '90s and people--

"This is the '90s and people--"

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Well, enlightened people.

"Well, enlightened people."

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--can wear whatever they feel like.

"--can wear whatever they feel like."

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And I feel like wearing this. Deal with it.

"And I feel like wearing this. Deal with it."

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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I am quoting Hamlet .

"I am quoting Hamlet ."

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I am here to warn you about Jack Frost.

"I am here to warn you about Jack Frost."

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Oh, Mr. James' uh, security consultant.

"Oh, Mr. James' uh, security consultant."

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If that guy's a security consultant, then I'm a virgin.

"If that guy's a security consultant, then I'm a virgin."

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a "compulsive impostor." Yeah, what's that mean?

"a "compulsive impostor." Yeah, what's that mean?"

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It means he has a compulsion

"It means he has a compulsion"

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to pretend to be things that he isn't.

"to pretend to be things that he isn't."

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He takes assumed names.

"He takes assumed names."

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and lawyers and nuclear physicists.

"and lawyers and nuclear physicists."

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Even doctors.

"Even doctors."

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Yes. Yes.

"Yes. Yes."

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Well, except

"Well, except"

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Jack Frost doesn't have the eyelashes of a Greek god.

"Jack Frost doesn't have the eyelashes of a Greek god."

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Max, how do you know all of this?

"Max, how do you know all of this?"

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Please, Dave, don't, uh--

"Please, Dave, don't, uh--"

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Don't ask me about the scar.

"Don't ask me about the scar."

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What scar?

"What scar?"

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I said don't ask me about it!

"I said don't ask me about it!"

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[SIGHS]

"[SIGHS]"

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Max, this scar of yours,

"Max, this scar of yours,"

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is it sensitive to atmospheric changes?

"is it sensitive to atmospheric changes?"

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Can it predict rain? Does it talk?

"Can it predict rain? Does it talk?"

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No.

"No."

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Well, then it's of no interest to me.

"Well, then it's of no interest to me."

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Revenge will be mine.

"Revenge will be mine."

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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Clear left. Clear right.

"Clear left. Clear right."

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Clear right! Go, go, go!

"Clear right! Go, go, go!"

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Wow!

"Wow!"

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I didn't know coming out of an elevator was so dangerous.

"I didn't know coming out of an elevator was so dangerous."

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Well, everything is dangerous

"Well, everything is dangerous"

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if you look at it with enough paranoia.

"if you look at it with enough paranoia."

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Yeah. I'm telling this for your own good.

"Yeah. I'm telling this for your own good."

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Max, I'm not a policeman.

"Max, I'm not a policeman."

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Jimmy, no, what had we learned earlier?

"Jimmy, no, what had we learned earlier?"

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Oh, right, right, right.

"Oh, right, right, right."

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[GIGGLES]

"[GIGGLES]"

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Oh, for God's sake, I'm not a lunatic.

"Oh, for God's sake, I'm not a lunatic."

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Yeah? Sure you're not.

"Yeah? Sure you're not."

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Dave, we finished the mural in the lobby.

"Dave, we finished the mural in the lobby."

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to the, uh, building supervisor right now.

"to the, uh, building supervisor right now."

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Who? Okay?

"Who? Okay?"

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Hello? Hi. Yes, yes, yes.

"Hello? Hi. Yes, yes, yes."

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The artists just stepped into my office.

"The artists just stepped into my office."

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They just finished it!

"They just finished it!"

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You gotta be kidding me!

"You gotta be kidding me!"

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I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.

"I mean, correct me if I'm wrong."

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Dave, we worked very hard on the mural.

"Dave, we worked very hard on the mural."

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Yeah, we put our blood, sweat and tears into that thing.

"Yeah, we put our blood, sweat and tears into that thing."

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My staff put their blood, sweat and tears into that picture.

"My staff put their blood, sweat and tears into that picture."

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And you know what? I happen to think it's terrific.

"And you know what? I happen to think it's terrific."

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Huh? Well, you want to know what else I think?

"Huh? Well, you want to know what else I think?"

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I think you're just a knee-jerk reactionary snob.

"I think you're just a knee-jerk reactionary snob."

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And I would be proud to hang it in my own home.

"And I would be proud to hang it in my own home."

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Yes, sir. Yeah.

"Yes, sir. Yeah."

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So, what did you two paint?

"So, what did you two paint?"

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Usually it does. I don't know what happened.

"Usually it does. I don't know what happened."

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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[♪]

"[♪]"

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Ah. Hey, nice mural.

"Ah. Hey, nice mural."

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Aw. Your work?

"Aw. Your work?"

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Wait a minute. Are there two Ts in?

"Wait a minute. Are there two Ts in?"

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Oh, yeah. No, that's right. Good work.

"Oh, yeah. No, that's right. Good work."

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Dave, we're sorry. W-we just--

"Dave, we're sorry. W-we just--"

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And this is where great minds thought alike?

"And this is where great minds thought alike?"

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[BOTH]: Yeah.

"[BOTH]: Yeah."

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Max? What?

"Max? What?"

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You remember when I, uh, Green Beret'd ya out there?

"You remember when I, uh, Green Beret'd ya out there?"

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No.

"No."

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Okay, why? Why did you do that?

"Okay, why? Why did you do that?"

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To show him up for the phony he is.

"To show him up for the phony he is."

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Jack wasn't a phony. He's the best security advisor

"Jack wasn't a phony. He's the best security advisor"

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I've ever had. Mr. James,

"I've ever had. Mr. James,"

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can I tell you a story?

"can I tell you a story?"

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Is it about why you fight like a little girl?

"Is it about why you fight like a little girl?"

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No.

"No."

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Ask me some other time.

"Ask me some other time."

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Okay.

"Okay."

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This story takes place in 1991, Brunswick, Georgia.

"This story takes place in 1991, Brunswick, Georgia."

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I was on the air, interviewing a local surgeon,

"I was on the air, interviewing a local surgeon,"

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Dr. Akim Tamiroff.

"Dr. Akim Tamiroff."

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You wanna pick up the pace a little bit?

"You wanna pick up the pace a little bit?"

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As chance would have it

"As chance would have it"

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right in the middle of the interview, my appendix burst.

"right in the middle of the interview, my appendix burst."

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He removed my appendix,

"He removed my appendix,"

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right there in the broadcast booth.

"right there in the broadcast booth."

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Bourbon was my anesthetic.

"Bourbon was my anesthetic."

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Swiss Army knife was his scalpel.

"Swiss Army knife was his scalpel."

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Wow, you know, you could--

"Wow, you know, you could--"

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You could sell that story to Reader's Digest.

"You could sell that story to Reader's Digest."

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