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Clips from Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000) - Artificial Fruit (S10E10)

"-Give me some eggs. -No toast?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Again with the toast?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"It seems as if you've been using..."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"my credit card."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"No, not from Zaragoza. From here."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"-No disrespect! No disrespect! -Lo siento!"
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"They're making fun of us. They're disrespecting us."
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"(car door shuts)"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"and our troops have retreated across the Appomattox."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Gentlemen, I believe I need some time to myself."
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"Ahem."
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"(coughs) Ahem."
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"(gagging)"
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"(body thuds)"
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"(elevator dings)"
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"-How's your room? -It stinks!"
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"-SUSIE: We're having fun. -JEFF GREENE: It is fun."
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"(theme music playing)"
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"♪ ♪"
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"Larry: Hello? Mr. Porter?"
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"(blues song plays softly in background)"
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"Are you Chulu Porter?"
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"-Who are you? -Um..."
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"My name is Larry David, and I've been looking all over for you."
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"-Oh. Come on in. -Thank you."
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"-Have a seat. -Um..."
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"So..."
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"You were the pastry chef at the Waldorf Astoria in New York. Were you not?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"What a hotel. I mean, there were a couple of problems,"
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"like the air conditioning was... not great, I have to say."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"I like a cold room, Chulu, you know, 64 degrees."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"-Mm-hmm. -And the tub was too small. But besides that,"
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"what I loved about it was, every morning,"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"I'd go downstairs to the restaurant,"
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"-And those scones were the best scones I've ever had... -(Chulu chuckles)"
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"...anywhere in my-- I've never forgotten them."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"I'm sorry, I haven't touched a whisk..."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"He's got this coffee place. He's..."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"kicked me out of it. He's banned me from it."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"And I opened up a place next door to his."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"maybe I can get it."
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"Well, what's this guy's name, anyway?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"-(spaghetti western music plays) -He goes by the name of..."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Mocha Joe."
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"You know him?"
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"Nasty motherfucker."
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"(timer dings)"
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"(suspenseful music plays)"
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"Well... whatcha think?"
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"-Pretty good! -(laughs)"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Pretty... pretty..."
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"pretty, pretty good."
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"Yeah, I was just trying to stop her from leaving,"
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"-so as I grabbed her wrist-- -Sure, Larry, but I think--"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"I think we're beyond the details of what happened at this point,"
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"because her attitude has completely changed."
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"Alice and her attorneys are out for blood,"
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"and I think the priority now is keeping this from going public."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"You know, you have, uh, Seinfeld syndication,"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"you have the Hulu deal."
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"You don't want headlines about you being sued"
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"for sexual harassment by a former assistant."
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"Side-sitting, I can't believe what it did to me."
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"I think, unfortunately, we're in a different"
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"category now, settlement-wise."
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"But, uh, in your case, I think it's eminently worth it"
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"for the value to you of having this thing over with"
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"and not lying around to be discovered by the public."
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"What? Get the fuck outta here!"
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"-Are you kidding? What? -Roger: Well, that's not it--"
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"-Alice's charity of choice. -Yeah, my, my cousin Andy's wife"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"because in addition to the financial remuneration,"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"they would like you to, uh, make a speech."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"They want me to make a speech? What am I supposed to say?"
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"I think she wants you to, in a public way,"
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"show contrition and show that this has moved you a step forward,"
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"that you've evolved as a result of this experience."
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"I'm gonna call Alice's attorneys immediately to let her know"
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"What are you doing?"
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"-I think I'm eating an apple. -Okay."
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"You're blithely eating an apple here."
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"-We're really talking about-- -"Blithely eating"--"
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"There's no other way to eat an apple but blithely."
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"-Yeah, but I need you-- -That's how apples are eaten."
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"-all the time. -Larry: An angry apple?"
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"He communicated a tremendous amount of hostility--"
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"-Cannot eat an apple angry. It's impossible. -In fact, I think"
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"-Not just blitheness. -Well, I completely disagree with you."
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"I'm concerned you're not taking this seriously."
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"I'm, I'm taking it seriously! I'm gonna pay a shitload of money,"
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"and I'm gonna make a fuckin' speech"
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"Those aren't even apples for eating, anyway. They're decorative."
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"Decorative? What, are you kidding?"
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"What? I've never heard of that in my life. Why don't you get"
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"-the artificial fruit? -You never heard of decorative apples?"
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"Yes, and they're artificial."
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"I never heard of anybody using real fruit"
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"as, for decoration purposes."
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"Larry, I'd feel better if we just stopped the eating for now,"
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"just long enough to get a few basic points down"
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"-for the speech. Okay. No eating. -Okay. No worries."
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"-(apple thuds) -I'll put the apple away."
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"Now I have a half-eaten apple in my, uh, basket, here."
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"(stammers) Where are you supposed to put it?"
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"Larry, it's not a garbage can. That's a, that's..."
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"It's an unlined receptacle"
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"-that's sitting next to a desk. -Yes, for garbage!"
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"It's for paper. It's not a lined garbage can."
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"How am I supposed to know it's for paper?"
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"If I see a garbage can, I throw garbage in there."
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"-I mean, it's, really, it's for paper, it's not... -Yeah."
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"This is the oddest office."
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"You have fruit that's not for eating,"
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"you have garbage that's not for garbage,"
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"and you have a bathroom that nobody can use."
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"-What? -I'm good."
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"What are you-- What are you, nuts? Take a bite."
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"-I'm good. -How are you good?"
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"-I'll eat it later. -All right. Fine."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
"Hey. So, get this."
Curb Your Enthusiasm (2000)
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